Republican's Imaginary Friends
By Jean Vickers
Years ago when I taught preschool, Rakhim had an imaginary friend, Butter. We had to always make room for Butter. Rakhim would tell us that Butter would be happier if he (and Rakhim) got the bigger snack and first choice of books, toys etc. Poor Butter was without because we teachers were not being fair to him. In today's lexicon, Butter might be an avatar of a disadvantaged child, but in fact Rakhim came to us from one of the most privileged families in the community. Butter was Rakhim's Joe Six Pack and Joe the Plumber. He was a way for Rakhim to demand more for himself without being called selfish.
Rakhim's imaginary friend was the creation of a three-year-old mind. Who, I wonder, created Hockey Mom, Joe Six Pack, Joe the Plumber (oh yeah he was real--it was his plumbers license that was imagined) and now David Brook's Patio Man?
In order to understand where these Republican Imaginary Friends come from I have conjured up an imaginary McCain campaign staff. First there is Chad LaRove, who legally changed his last name from Leroy while getting his MBA. His case study was on turning politics into a real online shopping channel. Then there is Cara Simplow. She believes she was hired because of her one year stint as a small town newscaster, but was really hired for her long blond hair and blue eyes. Her aspiration is to marry a wealthy Washington Man. She contributes copy for Palin speeches about 'reglar peeple'. Brad Longulot was headed for a corporate law career when tapped for the vetting team for the McCain campaign. He prides himself on his 'on-the-ground' vetting of the VP candidates and the common man spokespersons for McCain and Palin. "On-the-ground" vetting is the new wave of Republican fact checking. It worked well with WMD's. Finally there is Mason Fixin, the old school politician who excels at the innuendo and guilt by association strategy. He was the first political strategist to use the Double-Accented Question in a negative ad, as in What DO we KNOW about Barrack Obama? He is currently coaching Sarah Palin on the use of the single eyebrow raise with the Double-Accented Question.
Okay, so I have used caricature and taken some cheap shots. Unfair, probably. Just taking my cues from the McCain/Palin campaign. Wonder if they'll call me for some help? They could use some newer and better imaginary friends and I am really good at that. I had a three-year-old teacher.