A Mom in Mexico Asks, "When Is It Overreacting?"

As health officials dealing with the swine flu outbreak are trying to walk a line between informing and alarming, I--as a recipient of their reports and warnings and an American living in Mexico--try to find the proper balance between sensible caution and overreaction. It's not easy. I seem to swing between the two in any given hour.

My husband and I live three hours from Mexico City, with our two sons, ages 12 and 10. On Saturday, the day after news of swine flu in Mexico City appeared on the Internet, I approached my husband with this statement: "You may think this is overreacting but I'm thinking maybe we should keep the boys out of school this coming week." To my surprise, my husband--who is not anything close to an alarmist--agreed that this was a wise step.

Even with his backing, I found myself deeply embarrassed when I called their teachers to tell them of our decision. I felt I needed to explain myself. I imagined rolled eyes on the other end of the call.

To overreact, in my mind, is to expose yourself as a wimp or a sap who has bought into the hype. I certainly don't want to be a Henny Penny.

I remember with a wince how my mother berated me as such after September 11th. I was scheduled to fly to my niece's wedding on September 20, with my then 4-year-old son, who was supposed to be the ring bearer. After much angst, I decided to go but didn't want to take my son; my niece understood, but my mother was terribly disappointed. "So you're worried about a terrorist attack, but you' went ahead and put in a swimming pool. The kids are much more likely to drown in that pool then get shot down in a plane."

Her conflating our swimming pool with a terrorist attack spun my head. I was furious and hardly spoke to her the whole wedding weekend. Why can't my concerns be respected? I thought. My view was that we all have our own threshold, which is going to be different than the next person's.

I later learned that my mother was right in her way. I wrote a piece for Parenting magazine about worrying that seems especially relevant today. Here is one excerpt:

"We naturally use our emotions as much or more than the facts when we decide what to be afraid of, or how afraid we will be," says David Ropeik, director of risk communication at the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis. There are common themes to what we humans choose to worry about. Ropeik says we lose more sleep over man-made risks (radiation from nuclear waste) than natural risks (radiation from the sun). We're more terrified when we're not in control (such as when we're flying) than when we are (driving ourselves and the kids in the car). We're more frightened of risks that are new (SARS) versus those we've lived with for a while (food poisoning). And whenever a threat gets a whirl through the media machine, it moves to the top of almost every parent's panic list. "We misperceive risks over and under what they are because of these prisms of emotions," he says.

Even though I recognize the wisdom and truth of this passage, it's difficult to keep my emotions in check. After we made the decision to keep the boys out of school, I was feeling fine--but then I got word that same afternoon that the Mexican government had canceled school through out the country. Instead of feeling vindicated, I was thoroughly alarmed that the situation was this dire. I suddenly developed a pit in my stomach and imagined all kinds of worst-case scenarios (closed borders, shortage of drugs, rioting and looting). I approached my husband with this statement: "You may think I'm overreacting but I'm thinking maybe we should all drive up to Texas and wait this out there."

This time my husband did think I was overreacting. He now believes that the press has overblown the situation and fueled a panic. As for me, I can't help but reflect on the movie "Empire of the Sun," in which the British family stays in war-torn China way too long, with dreadful consequences. "Why didn't they leave earlier," I thought to myself as the story unfolded. I don't ever want to have a similar regret in this present situation.

So now we're living in limbo--should we stay or should we go? As more people don surgical masks in our town, as more activities are canceled, as the WHO raises the pandemic threat level, I'm trying to keep my wits about me--comparing the down side of staying against the down side of leaving (the truth is that at this point we're more at risk on the highways than from swine flu). To determine our next move, we're keeping up with the news reports, trying to separate fact from rumor, helpful information from the not-so and, most importantly, good sense from the very human tendency to overreact.

Comments

[AngieMom57]

I am no expert at anything, so that being said from all I gathered if the population just stays put away from large groups of people we will have a mild outbreak.

[David Ropeik]

Ms. Ralston,

I am flattered to be cited as knowledgeable about risk perception in your post. A couple things;
I have not been at the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis since 2004. I am now a teacher and consultant in risk perception and risk communication and an Instructor in the Harvard Extension Program.
More to the point...ye­s, we use our feelings AND the facts to gauge the risks we face. The challenge we all face, myself included, is to challenge our own perceptions to make sure that what feels safe isn't actually making things riskier. For example, if we fret more than necessary about a risk, and worry for more than a few days, the chronic stress from that worry has it's own negative health effects. Or if we are not worried ENOUGH about a risk (as is the case with most of the major threats to our health) we blithely go about behaviors that are insufficiently protective. So understanding the way we perceive risk is an insight that can help us look back at our own decisions and hopefully make healthy choices.

[Jeannie Ralston - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi. I think I wrote this story in 2003. As I mentioned it was in Parenting and I did interview you and appreciate your very helpful comments. I've remembered them ever since our talk and I found them comforting in times like these. By the way, I decided this morning to take the kids back to Texas. It's not that I'm afraid of catching the flu so much; it's just that the environment in Mexico has become surreal and very uncomfortable. I'm more concerned about the fear of the flu than the flu itself.

[dgscol]

You did the right thing with your children. That is the wise response to an unknown threat. Sort out fact from rumor and take appropriate action, but first be safe.

That is not what Napolitano did.

We found out about the situation from the news - not even the government. They were unprepared and decided to place policy of "Globalism" ahead of all else - disease spreads and so it will go everywhere and it is a global problem and WHO will take care of it. Why is our government so unconcerned about its citizens?

[heyletsevolve]

My mother is crossing the border tonight, driving up from San Miguel de Allende. She is older and already struggling with constant health problems in Mexico due to bacteria in the food and water. She loves Mexico and hates to leave, but it is both our fear that she might get stuck down there, behind a closed border, and that's just not something we're comfortable with. So she decided to get out early.

The thing is, you just never know what will happen in Mexico. It's a very volatile place. I lived in Oaxaca for a year, one year ago, and they are still trying to recover from the political violence that rocked the city -- and is always just under the surface.

When things go bad in a foreign third world country, it's never a good thing to be the white person on the street. We are, for very good reason, resented by many. Our presence is in general tolerated because we bring in money, and though Mexicans are in general incredibly warm and giving people, I always knew how I was seen by many of them. I was told to be very careful in Oaxaca and that my car would be seen as a symbol of wealth and possibly targeted if there was violence.

The Mexican economy will suffer from this flu, which will only bring more trouble to the country. Though if you decide to stay, you'll most likely be fine if you take all reasonable precautions.

[AngieMom57]

"I've got sunshine on a rainy day, when it's cold outside, I got the month of May..." new kitten showed up at my house and I've been singing this song to it, thought it might help you too ;-)

[peterg76]

It is a dangerous situation and neither panic nor complacency are suitable responses. Unfortunately the media is overreacting because they care more about a glamorous story than facts and they enjoy scaring people more than informing them.

[jillian222]

Jeannie,

We are perhaps neighbors, have friends in common or have passed each other in the Jardin. I have lived in San Miguel de Allende for many years. I left Mexico the day the swine flu became breaking news, although it was not intentional on my part. My trip had been planned long before the chaos. Now that I am norte, I wonder about the accuracy of the news on this side of the border. I cannot decide when to return to our Utopia, those beautiful cobblestone streets that I have walked for over a decade.

Do you stay or do you go? Do I return or remain? Does anyone really know if we are near pandemic or if it is global hysteria.

I send you my deepest wishes for the health and safety of your family. Listen to your heart, amiga.

[Jeannie Ralston - Huffpost Blogger]

Hey:

Thank you for the good wishes. Would love to meet when all this blows over. Whenever that is!