What is it that you are looking for? Is it love? Is it to find "the one" who will fill your life with joy and happiness? Is it a better job and a higher salary that will give you a greater sense of security? Or is it having a title that gives you the respect and the recognition you deserve? Stop and think for a moment. Think about why you are doing what you are doing. Look into your actions and you will see the simple truth behind your actions, that everything you do is driven by your need for love, security or recognition. These are your drivers in life. They are behind everything you do.
Love, security, recognition: They are what motivate you to be a better person. They inspire you to take a chance and open your heart to someone you want to spend your life with. They drive you to do better in school, to find a job, to turn that job into a career. They spur you on to try new things and "improve" your life.
They also cause us all to do some very stupid things as we try to satisfy them. We invent arguments that sabotage love because we don't feel the person we thought we loved is giving us the recognition we deserve. We sell our self-respect and love to gain security at work. We undermine our security when we search for love in the wrong places. The constant battle between love, security and recognition does more than create stress and anxiety, it creates an unhappy life that is at best half lived.
You want love. We all do. You want to feel the joy and happiness that love brings. But as soon as you find someone you love, you start to question your choice. Is this person right for me, you ask. Will he or she bring me the security I want? Will they recognize my talents every minute? If I love them will they love me back? Love. Security. Recognition.
Perhaps someone offered you a new job, complete with a better salary and a new title -- the security and recognition you want. They also expect you to work 12-hour days. You never ask about the people you will be working with or what the culture is like. You make the jump, and three months later you start to ask yourself what you got yourself into. You no longer see your family as much -- love. It's not long before you start to resent the people you're working with. "What is this place?" you ask. "What have I done?!"
Stress? Frustration? Anxiety? They come our of the imbalance you create in life, when you don't feel as if you're getting the love, the security or the recognition you need, you become unhappy. You start to search for them. Sometimes you find them. More often you start to make choices that satisfy them in the short term and at the sacrifice of your long-term dreams.
The simple truth is that happiness is not found in having all the love, security and recognition you can possibly have. It is found by balancing those three ideals based on who you are, based on your own needs. It is why understanding your own balance is so important in finding your own happiness.
If you want to live a full life in which you will be all that you can be, you must be aware of your own need for love, security and recognition, because those ideals are what are behind the good choices you need to make as much as they are behind the bad choices you tend to make without even thinking. They are the difference between making self-sabotaging choices for instant satisfaction and making the kind of choices that will help you find the peace and happiness you want.
So next time, before you act, take a moment to breathe and ask yourself, "Why am I feeling so out of sorts? Why am I doing this? Is it for love? For security? For recognition?"
Then ask yourself, what is the right decision, not just for this moment, but for the rest of your life?
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