John McCain And Larry Sinclair: Twin Heroes

06/24/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

There's no doubt about it: Larry Sinclair is telling the truth. Ever since he revealed that he blew Barack in the back of a limousine while the two of them were doing coke, Sinclair has been victimized by the sissy liberal media. To doubt Sinclair is to doubt the word of an innocent victim and rob him of his heroic victimhood.

The same thing holds true for John McCain: What he's told us about his Vietnam captivity is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. To cast doubt on what he said is to suspect a true American war hero.

There are many parallels between these fearless heroes. The quibble-loving girly-men who mock Sinclair ask what evidence he has of his liaison with Obama. "Was your blue sequin dress in the cleaners?" they smirk, reminding us of another star in the Democrat firmament who went in deep for oral pleasure.

But just apply that same illogic to McCain's case and you see how fallacious it is. Sure, there are hardly any documents to back up McCain's totally honest reports about what he suffered as a hero in Hanoi. Or if there are more, thanks to his courageous leadership, bureaucrats in Hanoi and D.C. are protecting the privacy of all concerned.

So it's up to the pacifist pansies that charge him with deceit to prove McCain made it all up. Go ahead, try proving that John McCain wasn't a victim of the Red terrorist thugs, that his bombing missions weren't those of a real American hero!

The same thing goes for Sinclair. The burden is on Barack Hussein Obama to prove that he never indulged in cocaine and oral pleasure with Larry Sinclair. Just as the burden was on Saddam Hussein to prove that he had no weapons of mass destruction. He couldn't, and nor can his namesake!

Now that we're on a roll, let's smash one more sophistry of radical liberalism. The argument goes: So what if Obama did crack or received oral sex? Does that disqualify him from being President?

Maybe it wouldn't matter if all the president had to do was make highfalutin' sermons to millions of fawning worshippers. A couple of lines of coke might even enhance his performance.

But what about when that phone rings at 3 a.m.? Do we tell the Shiite Al-Qaida terrorists to wait till Big Daddy sobers up, till he's done going down low with his latest honkie hunk?

If there's one lesson that Americans have learned in the last ten years, it's that oral sex makes a person totally unfit to be President. Use of cocaine should exempt a person from the Presidency (though not the National Guard) until he repents under the guidance of an accredited minister who loves the USA.

On the other hand, unchallengeable heroism in and of itself qualifies a person for the office of the Presidency. Anyone whose jet was shot down (for whatever reasons) or suffered long imprisonment by the Vietnamese is, by that fact alone, perfectly competent to decide and implement America's military, foreign, economic, environmental, judicial, and social policies. His authority is self-evident and should not be questioned by cowering journalists who didn't have the balls to go fight in Nam or Iraq.

All patriotic, right-minded citizens know that what I'm saying is true, just as they know that everything Larry Sinclair and John McCain have said and will say is true. They will appreciate the National Press Club's providing a venue for Sinclair to publicize his ironclad case on June 18, even though the ultra-leftist mainstream media has refused to verify anything he said.

It's a hot pink feather in Sinclair's chapeau, for the NPC wouldn't think of providing his sponsor, the renowned Veritas Federal Media, with a room if there wasn't rock-hard evidence for his stories, good names, and outstanding characters. Of course, evidence isn't necessary for those of us who already know that John McCain and Larry Sinclair are totally truthful heroes.

But there are those caviling lawyer types who demand fact-checks on everything. Unless NPC had done a thorough job vetting Sinclair, these critics would accuse them of giving a public pulpit to a mentally unsound person making unverifiable slanders against a respected public figure. But we can be sure of one thing: NPC would never risk its reputation and future credibility by failing to investigate fully. So there!

The shared heroism and victimhood of John McCain and Larry Sinclair should put to rest all doubts and criticisms, now and in the future. But it should also bring a harsh political reality into sharp focus. In this time of war, economic distress, and sky-high gasoline prices, the twin challenges that America faces are white powder and black penis.