For running a massive Ponzi scheme, Bernie Madoff got 150 years in prison, though he told investors it was 175 years... and they each told two investors it was 190 years... and so on and so on and so on...
Are we sure he's really going to prison? The man stole $60 billion... are you telling me he can't afford a clone?
At least he kept his pleas for mercy sane. When the CEO of Brocade Communications was sentenced for a backdated option scandal -- you know, changing the date of something in the past, time travel, using a Delorean, 1.21 gigawatts, and Michael J. Fox -- he said, "I'm sorry. There is much that I regret, and if I could turn back the clock, I would." Um. Isn't that what got him into this situation in the first place? That's like Jeffrey Dahmer telling a judge, "I'm sorry. There's much that I regret, and if I could just kidnap and eat all my mistakes, I would."
And, from December, here's some Bernie-inspired advice for when you Get Caught Cheating.
Jeff Kreisler's new satire, Get Rich Cheating, is now available from HarperCollins.
"Just by reading this book you'll earn an asterisk next to your name. You'll be laughing all the way to the bank, assuming other cheaters haven't forced it into bankruptcy yet." - Rachel Maddow
"A very funny book with a very timely message" - Terry Jones (Monty Python)
"Catcher in the Rye for evildoers" - Penthouse Magazine
Follow Jeff Kreisler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jeffkreisler