06/08/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

This Week In Cheating

5 working days, 5 working cheats...

MONDAY: Those look like a cheat-cup
Miss California's Breast Implants Paid for by the Miss USA Pageant.

The Cheater Says: Teamwork!
She cheats by faking her body, (ala steroids), in order to do better and make more money; and
The pageant cheats by helping her fake her body, in order to increase viewership, and make more money.
The two great cheats that cheat great together.

TUESDAY: Tax & Spend v. Don't Tax & Cheat
The Republicans Don't Want to Close Tax Haven Loopholes.

The Cheater Says: Good. Even if they close some loopholes, the Republican Party knows they can't catch us all. Just ask Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes.
You can't spell "making millions by cheating on taxes" with out "cheating on taxes."

WEDNESDAY: The Fourth Cheat-state
The most effective enforcement of financial rules comes from business reporters.

The Cheater Says: Duh. That's why we Great Cheaters have led a 40 year effort to discredit and bankrupt the media.
First label 'em "liberal," then you make 'em blatantly right-wing and sensationalist (so know one believes any of it), then you buy 'em up and watch 'em die.
Hey, if they Russians can get rich without oversight, so can we.
"Better Dead Than Poor."

THURSDAY: Manny Cheating Manny
Manny Ramirez busted for 'roids.

The Cheater Says
: I'm a Red Sox fan. Gimme a few days...
I guess I'm just really proud that Manny read my book.

FRIDAY: Soccer is to Football as Cheating is to Cheating
UK Lawmakers Made Millions with Expense Reports.

The Cheater Says: Brilliant! They got reimbursed for everything from houses and shopping to porn, and ginger snaps. Really, what's the point of getting power if you're not going to exploit it for per$onal gain?
Of course, those tightly-wound Brit officials don't have the nerve to throw sex & drug parties like we do (Hello, Interior Department), but give 'em time.

Jeff Kreisler's first book, "Get Rich Cheating," is available for pre-order from Harper Collins.
"Just by reading this book you'll earn an asterisk next to your name. You'll be laughing all the way to the bank, assuming other cheaters haven't forced it into bankruptcy yet." - Rachel Maddow
"A very funny book with a very timely message" - Terry Jones (Monty Python)