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Jen M.L.
Jen is a mom of two, a wife and a writer who has been telling it like she sees it for years. She has no professional expertise in parenting -- she just has a big mouth. You can read Jen's hilarious take on life at or follow her on Twitter at @throat_punch.

She is also the author of Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat. We can all relate to that, can't we?

Warning: Jen has been accused of making people laugh so hard they wet their pants and/or cry, so read at your own risk.

Entries by Jen M.L.

Moms, You Think You Have It Bad? You Have No Idea

(2) Comments | Posted October 16, 2014 | 11:02 AM

Motherhood is hard. It's messy and exhausting and... a little competitive. That's right. It can be kind of competitive. Every mom thinks that whatever stage she's in is the worst, but there's always another mom who lets you know that if you think that's hard... you've got no idea.


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13 Anzeichen dafür, dass Sie eine Vorstadtmutti sind

(0) Comments | Posted September 21, 2014 | 1:44 PM

Das hier sind Anzeichen dafür, dass Sie eine Vorstadtmutter sind:

1. Ihr Vollzeit-Job ist ein unbezahltes Ehrenamt an der Schule Ihres Kindes.

2. Sie haben einen CrossFit-, Barre-, Hot-Yoga-, Pole-Dancing-, Kettlebell oder Aqua-Zumba-Kurs gemacht.

3. Sie haben bereits eine vegane Diät, eine glutenfreie Diät, eine milchfreie Diät, eine zuckerfreie...

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Ein Brief von der Schule meiner Tochter warf mich aus der Bahn

(3) Comments | Posted September 18, 2014 | 12:08 PM

Die Schule hat vor ein paar Wochen wieder angefangen und wir versuchen gerade, wieder in den gewohnten Rhythmus zu kommen. Ich weiß nicht, wie es Ihnen geht, aber es ist hart. Sind Sie schon wieder in Ihrem vertrauten Alltag angekommen?

Unsere Morgenroutine ist ziemlich normal. Mein Mann steht früh auf,...

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The Letter From School That Stopped Me in My Tracks

(107) Comments | Posted September 17, 2014 | 4:59 PM

School started a few weeks ago, and we're still trying to get back into the swing of things. I don't know about you, but it's been tough. Are you back in the routine yet?

Our morning routine is pretty standard. The Hubs wakes up early to get the kids ready...

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13 Signs You Might Be a Suburban Mom

(8) Comments | Posted September 9, 2014 | 1:19 PM

You might be a suburban mom if...

1. Your full-time job is unpaid volunteer at your children's school.

2. You've taken a CrossFit, barre, hot yoga, pole dancing, kettlebell, or aqua zumba class.

3. You've ever adopted a vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, or paleo diet -- and it had...

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Eltern, die ihren Kindern keine Manieren beibringen, treiben mich in den Wahnsinn

(7) Comments | Posted September 4, 2014 | 2:10 PM

Ich weiß nicht, wie es Ihnen geht, aber ich versuche bei jeder Gelegenheit, meinen Kindern Anstand beizubringen.

Wenn meine Kinder ein Geschenk bekommen, sage ich: „Was sagt man da?" Wenn sie nach einer Verabredung das Zuhause von Freunden verlassen, sage ich: „Was sagst du zu der Mama von So-und-So?"...

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What to Ditch Before Your Kid Starts Kindergarten (According to My 5-Year-Old)

(3) Comments | Posted August 26, 2014 | 6:17 PM

Recently, I saw a list educating incoming college freshmen about what to take with them to college and which embarrassing items to leave at home because they are too "high school."

You know me, I love a good, informative list of rules, so it got me thinking. Adolpha...

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Parents Who Don't Teach Their Kids Manners Drive Me Crazy

(57) Comments | Posted August 21, 2014 | 5:23 PM

I don't know about you, but I try to teach my kids manners whenever the opportunity arises. If my kids receive a present, I say, "What do you say?" If they leave someone's house from a playdate, I say, "What do you tell so-and-so's mom?" If they get in someone's...

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My REAL Back-to-School Checklist

(6) Comments | Posted August 15, 2014 | 10:01 AM

School starts tomorrow and Pinterest is on fiiiiiire with helpful back-to-school checklists, morning routine printables, ah-may-zing lunch tips, and the cutest teacher gift ideas you've ever seen. (Seriously, what sort of brownnoser brings a teacher a gift on the first day of school?)

Last night I overheard a bunch...

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Jeremy Meeks: He'll Steal Your Heart and Your DVD Player

(12) Comments | Posted June 20, 2014 | 10:04 AM

The internets are abuzz today about the "sexy mugshot." Surprisingly it's a man. When I first saw the headline, I was sure it would be some scantily clad meth head chick with good hair or something.

Instead, I clicked the link and I immediately fell down into the deep blue...

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World's Okayest Mom

(16) Comments | Posted November 20, 2013 | 12:05 PM

We are coming into the dreaded holiday season where people mainlining pumpkin spice and holiday cheer start upping the ante and I can already feel my heart rate rising and the hairs on the back of my neck bristling. My Facebook feed is flooded with mostly humble braggy...

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My Response To The Lady Who Says, 'No Candy For You, Fatso!'

(28) Comments | Posted October 31, 2013 | 2:57 PM

It's time for Halloween. Do you have all of your little pirates and princesses ready to go? Did you get your Sexy Angry Bird costume out of the back of the closet and dust it off for another year? I love Halloween. I love the spooky movies on...

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Top 10 Ways Members of Congress Are Like Toddlers

(36) Comments | Posted October 2, 2013 | 5:41 PM

1. They love the sound of their own voice, and they think everyone else does too.

2. They try to manipulate us with crocodile tears.

3. They whine when they can't have their own way.

4. They love to read Dr. Seuss.

5. They don't know what irony means,...

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Are You Cool Enough to Shop at Abercrombie & Fitch?

(41) Comments | Posted May 8, 2013 | 11:45 AM

Wow. My mind was blown today. A friend sent me this article about Abercrombie & Fitch.

Do you remember shopping there when you were in college? I sure do. (Do they still smell like a junior high dance where the boys put on waaaay too much of dad's...

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Pourquoi je ne veux pas d'autre enfant

(1) Comments | Posted March 26, 2013 | 11:11 AM

Cette semaine, l'envie d'avoir un bébé m'est passée pour de bon. Il y a six ans, je donnais naissance à mon dernier enfant, Adolpha* (oui, c'était la dernière, et bien que j'ai vécu le début de mon blogue il y a deux ans comme une naissance et que parfois, il...

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Why I Don't Want Another Baby

(63) Comments | Posted March 20, 2013 | 4:29 PM

I have been getting my baby fix this week. Six years ago, I gave birth to my final baby, Adolpha.* (Yes, she was the last, although starting my blog almost two years ago felt a bit like giving birth and while sometimes it's my favorite child, I still...

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Hey Girl... Happy Valentine's Day

(15) Comments | Posted February 13, 2013 | 5:00 PM

I don't know about you, but I spent many a Valentine's Day home alone wishing someone would spend his allowance on a ridiculously over-sized teddy bear holding a plush heart that I could perch in the corner of my room as a constant reminder that someone loved me.

I've written...

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Which Downton Abbey Character Are You?

(34) Comments | Posted January 31, 2013 | 1:19 PM

I am a huge fan of Downton Abbey and I have spoilers in this post, so if you are not yet caught up, go watch it now and come back. And if you haven't yet seen it. Ugh. Get on Netflix right now and get caught up. You can thank...

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10 Rules Every Grandparent Should Know

(68) Comments | Posted January 29, 2013 | 11:18 AM

If you've been reading me for any length of time, you will know that I love to make a good list of rules. Rules for daughters. Rules for sons. Rules for my kids when they're at playdates. Rules for moms who host...

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Kimye Is Having a Bay-Bay!

(5) Comments | Posted January 2, 2013 | 8:35 PM

Have you heard the news yet? I am absolutely brimming with excitement for Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and their new little "Kash Kow" (thanks to some random Kanye Twitter follower for that bit of brilliance). That's right! Kimye is going to have a Bay-Bay. Imagine my delight when I...

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