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My REAL Back-to-School Checklist

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School starts tomorrow and Pinterest is on fiiiiiire with helpful back-to-school checklists, morning routine printables, ah-may-zing lunch tips, and the cutest teacher gift ideas you've ever seen. (Seriously, what sort of brownnoser brings a teacher a gift on the first day of school?)

Last night I overheard a bunch of moms talking about how much they had to do before school started. They were sooooooooooooooooooo busy. I looked at my calendar. I've got absolutely nothing on there for this week (other than RUN AROUND THE EMPTY HOUSE NAKED for all day Thursday). I wondered what I was forgetting to do.

I decided to hit Pinterest and find a back-to-school checklist to help me get a bit more organized. Once I stopped laughing at Grumpy Cat memes, I got down to business and found a checklist to help me.

2014-08-15-backtoschool.jpg

This list had lots of helpful suggestions like:

2 MONTHS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Oh sh*t. Didn't school get out like two months ago?? I was supposed to do stuff over the summer for this year? That doesn't really seem fair.

Schedule doctor visits and physicals.

Right. I'll call tomorrow and see if there is a cancellation we can have.

Bring required forms to the doctor and fill prescriptions.

I can't very well check this off since I don't have an appointment yet. Sheesh. Cut me some slack.

Sign up for fall sports and after-school activities.

My kids recently decided that they are homebodies. The apples don't fall far from the tree, I guess. So, I'll go ahead nix this one.

6 WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Sort through fall clothing and donate what no longer fits.

I did this already!! Boom! It's actually a good thing I didn't do this six weeks ago, because at that point Adolpha still fit those clothes. She had a major growth spurt two weeks ago and outgrew everything. Gomer doesn't look much bigger than he did last year. I'm sure he'll be fine. Besides, all he wears are swishy shorts with elastic waistbands. We all know those are the yoga pants of 9-year-old boys and it's almost impossible to outgrow them.

Sit down with your planner and write in the entire school calendar.

This is hilarious. Like I have a "planner." I've got a Post-it note on my computer screen with a few important dates, most notably: SCHOOL STARTS THURSDAY! DON'T BE LATE!

1 MONTH BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Purchase backpack, lunch boxes and water bottles for each child.

Why? Did they outgrow that sh*t or something? They can use last year's stuff.

Purchase school supplies.

Did it! It was fairly painless this year. Nothing too crazy on the list. Unlike some of my friends who had to shop from "green" supply lists this year. Who knows what a Planetbox is or where to buy eco-friendly markers? Not me. I live in Kansas where my kids attend a school where Ziploc bags and Clorox wipes are on the list. Twice.

Check progress on summer reading and math packets.

Nailed it. My kids do schoolwork every day during the summer. Not because I'm a Tiger Mom, but because Hubs is a Wolf Dad. So, I guess I can't take credit for this one.

3 WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Create an "organization station" in a convenient location by the door.

Whoever made this list is adorable. Isn't "organization station" just a fancy word for "the kitchen counter where everyone drops their sh*t"?

2 WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Start getting kids back on their bedtime routine.

OK, I'm working on it. Last week we were on vacation and the kids stayed up a few hours past their bedtime. I'm deprogramming them starting tonight. I'm going to put them to bed at 5 p.m. That should make up for the last few nights.

Get a schedule for the babysitter so you have time in your schedule to work out, run errands and have a date night or girls' night out.

Hold on. Are you telling me that there are women out there who not only pay to work out, but also pay a babysitter while they're working out? That thought depresses me so much I want to go eat ice cream. I should call a sitter, so I can go alone.

1 WEEK BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Haircuts for everyone.

I did this one! Well, just Gomer got a haircut. Adolpha is growing her hair out. This reminds me that I should call and get myself an appointment now that I've got all day to while away at the salon. I'll put up a Post-it note to remind myself.

Make a "favorite foods" list for each of your children. Make a note of what they like best so you can get these items at the store.

If I only bought their favorite foods, they'd survive on Oreos and Veggie Straws. No, I won't be consulting the kids on this one.

Stock up on the lunch basics like juice, napkins, sandwich bags, and snacks.

I've got the snacks part covered. We might end up wiping our hands on our shirts, but we never run out of Goldfish.

Purchase homework supplies like pencils, markers, crayons, etc.

Ha! You call yourself organized? I'm already ahead of you. I bought a sh*tload of 25-cent crayons three weeks ago when I was buying school supplies! Get your helpful checklist sorted, lady. You just sent me to the store twice for something that could have been done in one trip.

3 DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Plan meals for the week of school. Ummm... how is this different from what I've already been doing? Did everyone else stop planning meals for the summer?

Go grocery shopping.

Didn't I do that last week when I stocked up on juice, snacks, etc.? Again, this is another needless trip to the store just to pad this list. Also, I grocery shop every week whether school is in session or not, so this one is kind of lame.

Make sure that your camera is full charged and ready for first-day photos.

This is the Hubs' job. I will nag him to make sure this is done, because I might look like an underachiever, but I will cut someone if I don't get fabulous first day of school pictures.

THE NIGHT BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS:

Do the Underpants Dance.

Oh wait. That's not on the list. It should be.

Prepare lunches and snacks for the first day.

Yeah, I'm kind of tired from doing all of the grocery shopping and menu planning, so I think the kids will just buy lunch that day.

This was originally published on People I Want to Punch in the Throat. Follow Jen on Facebook and Twitter.

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