10/02/2013 05:41 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Top 10 Ways Members of Congress Are Like Toddlers


1. They love the sound of their own voice, and they think everyone else does too.

2. They try to manipulate us with crocodile tears.

3. They whine when they can't have their own way.

4. They love to read Dr. Seuss.

5. They don't know what irony means, so it's adorable when they tell you that Green Eggs and Ham is one of their favorite books, even though it's a story about a guy who refuses to try anything new and strange because he's afraid he'll hate it and then finally he relents and realizes it's amazing.

6. They don't understand where babies come from.

7. They like expensive toys and hate school.

8. They are selfish and always looking out for themselves and their own best interests.

9. They think they are precious snowflakes living in a bubble and have no idea that there are consequences to their actions.

10. When they get angry, they take their toys and go home to pout.

Get your sh*t together, Congress! ALL of you! Don't forget -- you have jobs now, but elections are coming and this kind of behavior gives me an itchy voting finger...

Your mothers need to put you in time out. I'd say you need a good spanking, but I think too many of you would enjoy it!