Living In Sin

Sex is something that drives us, empowers us and gets us into really stupid situations with people we have no business seeing naked. Jen Sincero is the bestselling author and sexpert with the carnal knowledge you need. Ask her your questions (all are posted anonymously). Cuz there's no such thing as being too good in bed.

Dear Jen,

I'm a 37 year-old guy who has recently started seeing someone who could very well be Her. She's all the right things: Stephen Hawking-smart, artistic, sweet and hot as the hinges on the gates of Hell. The only problem is that she's bisexual. I'm worried about pursuing a long-term relationship with her, not because I think she's the cheatin' kind, but because that biological urge to be with women could prove too much for her.

I'm not looking to change who she is (which is pretty effin' amazing) or what she likes, but do you think it's possible for someone who has moved past the 'curious' stage to be okay with only turf, not surf, at home?

- Man Enough?

Dear Man,

I know this guy who lies awake at night panicked that some giant piece of space debris is going to slam into the earth and scatter our parts like dandylion seeds. He also washes his hands forty nine times a day, refuses to eat out and one time I picked him up at the airport and watched him white knuckle it all the way home. "How can you blindly trust all these other drivers?" he whispered. "You have no idea what they're going to do!"

Although we refer to him as The Phobe and sometimes do mean things like take a sip out of his beer so we can watch him pretend not to want anymore, he does have a point. There's an infinite amount of awful things out there -- just getting out of bed in the morning is somewhat arrogant in the face of it all. But there's also an infinite amount of good, and since you get what you focus on, I'm going to go ahead and surround myself with thoughts of bunnies and brown paper packages tied up with string. If we wind up getting obliterated by a giant piece of space debris someday, so be it. I will most certainly blame it on The Phobe.

Handing your open, naked, fragile heart over to another carnivore takes the same kind of letting go, but you have to do it because what are your options? Safety is an illusion, and trying to protect ourselves does nothing more than protect us from experiencing a full, evolved and juicy life. Ho hum.

This idea that bisexuals are untrustworthy horn dogs is a common misperception and quite an unfair one if you think about it for more than a second. Everyone who gets into a committed, monogamous relationship has to resist the biological urge to hump outside the lines, not just bisexuals. So even though seeing her off on a girls' night out might make you a tad more stressed out than the average boyfriend, she has to trust you too. And ours is a large planet full of sexy people, perfect opportunities and lots of tequila. It's a wonder anybody pulls it off.

You obviously appreciate how fabulous she is so I say go for it. But make sure you focus on the fact that she's chosen you as her one and only, not that she might trade you in for something more feminine, because what you ask for you will get.

Comments

[Potomacker]

Great advice but for a totally different kind of concern.

[mommadona]

Sincerely, what's with that "living in sin" title?
Kinda weird.
You consider sex sin?
Kinda defeats your purpose for living or making a living.

Sex was around LONG before 'sin'.
"sins" in the eye of the beholder.
Using the word so flippantly is
kinda weird.

[Mrrar]

While that's a largely correct response, I believe he was saying that he fears he won't be able to fulfill her to the extent that she needs. Perhaps you should address that, instead of mocking him for preconceptions that I don't think he was implying.

While it can be argued that human being in general aren't entirely monogamous, that wasn't the subject of his email. He was asking if he would be able to fulfill someone who has sexual attraction and sexual needs toward both sexes, as he is only one sex.

I think it's a valid question, and something that deserves more to explore than mockery.

[sorenmeetsdylan]

Thanks for reminding me that I need to take out the trash.