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Giving Thanks

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Ah, Thanksgiving. Sure, it's a time to eat yourself into a coma, but above all else, it is a time to reflect on what you are thankful for. What better way to reflect, then write an entire entry dedicated to the topic.

To begin, I am most thankful for my son. He is the epicenter of happiness in my life. Being a mother, and especially being his mother is an unbelievable gift that I am thankful for every day.

I am also incredibly thankful for my family, my friends, and the health of myself and others.

It should also be said, that I am incredibly thankful for the troops who put themselves on the line fighting for our freedom everyday.

But what I really wanted to address in today's entry, are the shallow everyday things I am thankful for. Things that improve my life just a tiny bit. Simple pleasures, if you will, that deserve a shout out on this important holiday. These are the top 10 things I am thankful for this year. In no particular order.

1) I am thankful for my DVR. Oh, how you complete me. I am able to record two things at the very same time. Nary one trashy reality show will go missed, as my DVR has it covered. I can record the housewives of not one, but two different states at the very same time. It also enables me to fast forward through commercials and the boring stuff like scenes where everyone is getting along and no one is being petty. So even though I think Time Warner can suck it, I thank them for the DVR they supply.

2) I am thankful for my Internet. And for that, obviously, I thank Al Gore. I also ask that Al Gore never decides to take down the Internet. That, by the way, could have gotten him elected as president. If he had simply said, "Vote for me or I will take down the internet," I would have voted for him. I would vote for the homeless man on my corner who sleeps in a purple thong if it meant not losing my Internet connection.

3) I am thankful for the times I fall off a platform shoe and no one is there to notice.

4) I am thankful that they now take credit cards in taxis. I never have cash. Ever. And if I do, I don't know where it is, as I can't keep my wallet straight (so much so, that everyday is like a mini lottery as I never know what cash I will find in the pockets of each coat I wear.) With a simple swipe of the card, I can get anywhere I need to go, and because it is credit, I am not even conscious of the fact that I spent $35 to go 15 blocks.

5) I am thankful for Google being able to read my mind. I barely have to finish the word I am typing before Google figures out what I am looking for. Google, thank you for getting inside my brain and knowing what I want before I do. Maybe you can help me with other things, like letting me know what I really want out of life. Are you there Google? It's me, Jena.

6) I am thankful my bikini waxer, who has the ability to be two inches from my vagina while carrying on a conversation about the weather. Kind of like my gyno. In fact, I should ask my gyno if he can give me a bikini wax. You know, kill two birds with one stone. Hmmm. Would insurance then cover that? Nah. They never cover anything.

7) I am thankful when strangers don't talk to me on a crowded elevator. I am sure you are lovely, but I don't want to talk to you. Particularly if I am late. Unless I sneeze, and you don't say gd bless you, in which case I am not thankful for you not speaking to me. In fact, I dislike you a great deal and silently curse you as the floors pass us by.

8 ) I am thankful for Sephora. When I have time to kill, I wander into the nearest Sephora and play in there like a little girl does her moms makeup bag. When I start looking line a tranny and smelling like a cheap prostitute, it's only then I know it's time to leave. But thank you Sephora for giving me a much-needed time sink between appointments.

9) I am thankful for anything that comes with a side order of fries. Who wouldn't be? Oh yes, and that little creepy coleslaw. I am thankful for that too. I would like some coleslaw now that I mentioned it.

10) I am thankful for people who wear clothes or a towel when they blow-dry their hair at the gym. To the people who blow dry their hair naked in the locker room: Is clothing too cumbersome? I am not thankful for those people.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Now tell me, what are you thankful for?