It's Okay to be Happy (Some Thoughts and a Song!)

It's okay to be happy.

It took me a long time to learn this lesson, and it was a hard one to fully grasp. Like many people I know who have suffered with depression, I once believed that I was destined to be sad for life. Sometimes it seemed like everyone around me was happy while I was always stuck in misery.

Misery is a progressive illness for me. The more I think about being miserable and worrying that I will never be happy, the more miserable I become. I used to make myself miserable in this way a lot.

Don't get me wrong. Mental illnesses like bipolar disorder and depression that can cause misery in people's lives are real. Thanks to Marya Hornbacher and her powerful book, Madness, I have a deeper understanding of bipolar disorder than ever before. People battling this illness cannot "just snap out of it" any more than I could "just smile" when I struggled with depression.

I never chose to struggle with depression, but I did choose to get better. Then I chose to let the constant fear of the depression returning send me into needless tailspins. I walked around with a constant sense of impending doom. For example, on days I woke up feeling especially happy, I would repeat the following affirmation to myself over and over again:

I feel happy today. It must be a fluke. I am sure the depression is returning.

On days I woke up feeling a little blue, instead of realizing that normal people sometimes feel sad, I would repeat this:

I feel sad today. I am sure the depression is returning.

My negative affirmations only led to more negative thinking and inevitably to misery. For those of you who do not believe that affirmations work, try incorporating the ones listed above into your life for a while. I am being sarcastic here. (Don't do it!) Those thoughts only proved to zap any and all joy from my life. Years ago, a doctor actually helped me to realize that I was sabotaging myself.

So I became aware of the self-sabotaging voice inside of my head. When I found myself repeating those same negative affirmations, it helped for me to separate from those thoughts and to go inside of myself --- to connect with my heart. My heart will not sabotage my happiness. I have learned that I have a choice in whether or not I choose to put energy into negative, futuristic thinking. My new, positive affirmation is: It's okay to be happy.

It's even okay for me --- someone with a history of depression --- to be happy. I am happy.

Check out the song, "It's Okay to be Happy," (written by myself, Dave Berg, and Georgia Middleman) from my new book Goodbye Ed, Hello Me at www.myspace.com/jennischaefer!

Follow Jenni Schaefer on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JenniSchaefer

Comments

[Dtermined]

Jenni,
I have read your book and am amazed at your strength and insite. Before I even heard about your book, I likened my daughter's ED to an abusive boyfriend. When I mentioned this to other parents on the FEAST site I was informed about your book "Life Without Ed" and I made the comment that I rarely read much of books or finish them because I am so hyper and busy all the time. I was told that this would be the PERFECT read for me. That is soooo true! I can read it in small increments if I like, but I found myself wanting to read more and more! This book is honest, raw, and funny. How you managed to combine all three is amazing. I am so happy to know you have another book out and I can't wait to read it too! I am so regretful that I won't be at the NEDA conference next weekend! How I wish I could tell you face to face how much you have helped me help my daughter. I have shared much of your book with her and she really connected with what I have read. Thank you, Jenni, for all you have done to improve the future for people with EDs. I love the song and hope to hear it on my local radio soon!

[Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh - Huffpost Blogger]

Isn't it wonderful how happiness nurtures happiness? And it is contagious. Your happiness spreads to those of us who read and hear you!

[Arithrianos]

If you're happy and you know it ... BE.
As a survivor of clinical depression myself i have ample experience with what you are talking about, but i was lucky, it only took four years until i was taught/learned that struggle and resistance and fear and hope and all that was the fuel for the depression, when i learned to accept and not resist, not make demands is when it lifted, never to return. Sounds like you are out the other side, and have gained the great gift it has to give, that of compassion and understanding. And yes it is Ok to be happy, why not you?