When I was pregnant, I learned the basics about breastfeeding: It could help with weight loss, save money since breast milk is free (never mind how expensive all of the pumping equipment is) and provide benefits for your baby that will last a lifetime.
My relatives, however, were more in the "formula is fine" camp. They advised me that breastfeeding was more work than I realized, that my husband wouldn't be able to help with the late-night feedings and that most of my family were not breastfed and, other than my Uncle Larry, we all turned out just fine.
I felt informed about both the pros and cons of nursing but ultimately, the main factor that made me decide to breastfeed was the simplest of all: I wanted to know what the experience was like.
It took me three years and several rounds of IVF to get pregnant, and I was acutely aware that this would most likely be the only time I would ever be able to experience it. Whether it was the joy of seeing a sonogram for the first time or the hell of morning sickness (which lasted all day long for several months in my case), I was just so grateful to be pregnant. In my mind, I worked hard and paid a lot of money to get knocked up, so I wanted to enjoy all of the bells and whistles.
Around 36 weeks along, I was diagnosed with cholestasis, which meant my son, Michael, had to be delivered via C-section a few weeks early. After I got to hold him for a total of 45 seconds, I had to hand him over to a nurse immediately so she could take him to the NICU. I remember vividly being in the recovery room after giving birth. There were two other new mothers holding their babies surrounded by family. I sat alone with empty arms; my husband and parents were in the NICU to be with my son. I was utterly heartbroken and wondering if my newborn baby would be OK.
Michael had to be intubated, which meant breastfeeding would have to be postponed. However, the nurses encouraged me to start pumping for when he was ready. Pumping quickly became a huge source of comfort to me. I felt so powerless but, somehow, producing milk and giving it to the NICU team to freeze made me feel like I was at least doing something to help my son.
After a week, they gave him exactly one ounce of my breast milk in a bottle to see how he would do. After a few more successful bottle feedings, I got the go-ahead to try nursing. Michael was still hooked up to many wires and monitors and I was still healing from my C-Section, but the nurse helped get us both situated so we could see if he would nurse.
I was incredibly nervous because nothing -- from how I got pregnant to how I delivered -- had gone at all how I hoped or imagined. I was worried I wouldn't know what I was doing. I was concerned Michael would be confused after already being introduced to a bottle. I thought maybe my family was right and this was going to be too difficult.
The nurse coached me and in a matter of a few seconds, Michael latched on and everything went perfectly. It didn't hurt, he seemed peaceful and, as clichéd as this sounds, it sincerely was such a beautiful, natural experience. It's a moment in my life that I'll never forget.
Even though my experience was a positive one, I firmly believe that a happy mom is a good mom. If you want to breastfeed, you should. If you don't want to, you shouldn't. I know there are many who will advise you one way or another but at the end of the day, it's a decision you have to make for yourself and your child. For me, though, it became more than a choice. It became a coping tool while Michael was in the NICU.
Eventually, at 6 months old, Michael "broke up with my breasts." I suspect that his time in the NICU (being given a bottle, a pacifier, etc.) didn't really encourage breastfeeding. I swear that the last time I tried to breastfeed him, he gave me a look like, "Lady... there's this thing called the bottle and it's WAY easier than all of this." Still, I'm so appreciative for being able to provide something only a mother could. Breastfeeding was a choice I'm personally happy I made.
This article is part of HuffPost Parents' World Breastfeeding Week series. Read more here.
Dr. Ann Borders, an OB-GYN who works with NorthShore University HealthSystem, recommends that her patients and their partners go to a breastfeeding class before Baby is born. In class, they don't just focus on why breastfeeding matters, but what you can actually expect in those daunting first few days. And Borders doesn't just recommend this for newbie families, but also moms who may have tried breastfeeding before and found it difficult. "You're not going to know everything from taking the class, but it gives you a groundwork that you can build on at the hospital once you have the nurses helping you," Borders said. Most OB-GYNs will be able to give you a referral to a breastfeeding class nearby, but if for some reason yours doesn't have any suggestions, a quick online search should bring up options in your area.
When you're in the hospital or birthing center, or while you've still got your midwife with you after a home birth, make sure you speak up and ask for help getting started. "Every health care person should know the basic mechanics of breastfeeding," said Mary Ryngaert, a board certified lactation consultant with the University of Florida's Center for Breastfeeding and Newborns. "I joke that the person who empties the trash [in labor and delivery] should be able to help someone latch on." Even Borders, whose professional life and research centers around breastfeeding, said that when her first baby was born, she had to ask for guidance. Women should feel 100 percent empowered to ask their care provider to help them start breastfeeding within the first hour after a vaginal birth or two hours after a C-section if the circumstances allow for it, she said. Don't leave the hospital until you've gotten the help you need.
There's a reason why hospitals hoping to earn the coveted "baby friendly" designation for breastfeeding support stress the importance of skin-to-skin: It works. Research shows that essential contact helps relax both the mom and baby, stimulates feeding behaviors and triggers the release of certain hormones that spur breastfeeding. Experts say it's important to do it both early -- ideally right after birth -- and often. "Keeping the baby skin-to-skin as much as possible in the early days after birth is very important," Ryngaert said. "If the mother is 'touched out,' then the partner can hold the baby skin-to-skin. It still helps the baby move instinctually to what [he or she] is supposed to do." If you're not in a "baby friendly" hospital with policies in place to promote skin-to-skin, don't be discouraged. Tell your doctors and nurses that it's important to you, Borders said. As long as your baby is stable, there's no reason why they shouldn't let you hold him or her close.
Engorgement, or a feeling of heavy fullness in the breasts that can be very painful, is common several days after delivery, but Borders said a lot of women don't know to expect it because no one talks to them about it. Having a game plan in place can help curb the pain and keep women from throwing in the towel when they're sore and freaked out. She suggests an over-the-counter pain medication, like Motrin, and ice. Two bags of frozen peas can also work, Borders said, and -- bonus! -- they tend to fit nicely into nursing bras. Some women may also want to take a hot shower to express some of their milk.
Susan Burger, president of the New York Lactation Consultant Association, finds few things as irksome as telling women that they need to try specific holds. Moms hear those tips and get "all twisted up with finding the perfect position," she said. What matters most in her book is that breastfeeding mothers get comfortable, which often means leaning back a bit and putting their feet up. "If she's comfortable, it's so much easier to get the baby into a comfortable position," Burger explained. This is one area where partners can really step in, looking at moms to spot any ways in which they might be uncomfortable, then helping by giving them a pillow, a shoulder rub ... whatever.
Your partner, or your mom or friend can also help by agreeing to sit with you while you breastfeed. Why? Since moms are often extremely relaxed and drowsy while they're breast-feeding, your partner can agree to be on "alert" -- maybe quietly reading a book or checking e-mails -- while you get some sleep. "Invite her to take a cat nap while breast-feeding," Ryngaert said. It may sound like a simple trick, but Ryngaert said it's such an easy, often-overlooked way for women to fully relax while breast-feeding, which only increases bonding and enjoyment, and also, possibly, catch up on some much-needed sleep.
Drop your mouth down to your chest, then open your mouth. A bit tricky, no? Now tilt your head back slightly and open it again. See how much easier that is? Burger said that one of the biggest ways to help babies drink is to make sure their heads are tilted back a bit. You can help support them in that position by putting a forearm under the baby's neck, or even a rolled-up receiving blanket. "There are a lot of different ways to achieve it," she said.
While experts may not poo-poo specific holds, at least ones a professional hasn't personally recommended for you and your baby, they do offer broader positioning advice: "I like to see the baby and mother have almost no space between them," Ryngaert said. "You're not just putting your breast in their mouth, you're really bringing your bodies together," she said. That helps babies bring a big, wide open mouth to the breast, giving them the deep attachment that they need. If you're not sure what that means, a good first place to look is the internet: There are videos online that demonstrate the concept, Ryngaert said, and places like La Leche League have helpful illustrations as well.
Burger said that one of the mistakes women can make is to focus too much on duration and not enough on the frequency of pumping. Often they're too hard on themselves, sitting there for long stretches and pumping away in an attempt to produce more milk, when really, they'd be better served by just a few minutes here and there throughout the day. Burger likened it to training for a marathon: "You wouldn't just go out and run 13 miles," she said. "If you're just starting out, you'd try a mile or two and do that three or four times a week. That's a much better approach." In the same vein, if you can work it into your schedule, frequent, brief bouts of pumping help build milk supply better than sitting there, rather helplessly, and pumping for one long stretch.
Borders said that women shouldn't just write off sore nipples -- which can sometimes become so bad they don't want to breast-feed at all. She recommends something called Newman's all-purpose ointment, which your pharmacist can mix for you. For women who don't have thrush (a generally harmless yeast infection) La Leche League also recommends applying freshly expressed breast milk to your nipples, which can help them heal. The bottom line? If your nipples hurt, don't just accept it. Talk to your doctor about what might be causing it and what you can do.
"Make sure you leave the hospital with the number for someone you can call with questions," Borders said. Many pediatricians offices now have lactation consultants on staff, which makes it easier for women to find someone who can offer guidance when you're they're in for one of those many new baby visits that happen after birth. In many cases, lactation consultants are covered by insurance, Ryngaert said, but places like La Leche League also have a call system where you can speak to someone for free. Many nurses and pediatricians are also board certified lactation consultants, which can help with insurance coverage. Women shouldn't feel pressure to figure everything out in the first week, Ryngaert said. "If a baby needs to go on formula for a time while the mother's milk supply is being established, that doesn't mean the baby's not going to be breastfed," she added. "I've seen babies that didn't latch on until eight weeks." But new moms should never, ever hesitate to ask for help. "If a mother is having more than a little tenderness, she should not just tough it out. She should get some help" Burger said. "And if that person says, 'Oh, it's normal, suck it up,' that's not a good person to get help from, and they should see someone else."
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