THE BLOG
05/28/2013 04:07 pm ET Updated Jul 28, 2013

A Word About Haters

One of the things that has absolutely floored me since I started "being in the public eye" is this: The more successful you are, the more you get to deal with a small but very darkly-motivated tribe of haters.

I guess the first thing that surprises me about haters is that they are so willing to waste their one precious lives spewing ugly stuff at others. I mean, the throwback mist must be horrendous! Plus, you're squandering your own time on hurt when you could be creating something amazing for yourself and other people instead.

When I was younger, I would have taken the unkindness of strangers personally. I would have mistakenly thought their meanness was "about me" when, in fact, it's just the opposite. Haters spew hate because they aren't able to access their own personal joy.

Now, I'm not exactly all hearts and flowers, myself. And I can see life can encourage a person to shut off their potential for joy. Life hurts sometimes. And, from the outside, it often looks like other people are getting all the goodies while we are getting the crap.

I'll admit to a bit of that envy myself. I used to be all wrapped up about "injustice" and how "unfair" life was. And it sometimes is.

But then I learned this important mantra:

So what? NOW WHAT?

I mistakenly put my attention on stuff outside of myself -- stuff I couldn't control -- and that stuff was so distracting I forgot to remember not to forget my own dreams.

This was particularly true after my daughter died. But eventually the one really important thing I learned from Grace's death is this: You either get bitter, or you get better. (That was a link to a free eCourse I offer, in case you need it.)

Anyway, for those of us dealing with haters, here's one bit of philosophy that I think will help:

"Is it rejection? Or is it protection?"

Not everyone is going to like or approve of what you hope to accomplish in life. And the really good news is that you don't need them to.

Now, many will. I suspect that, no matter who you are, there will almost certainly be a treasured few people who will champion you and your big dream. We have a bunch of them over at our Life After Tampons community, so if you need a band of really successful cheerleaders, come and visit.

In general, though, most of the people you know will simply say nothing about your success. Either they didn't notice, or they're too distracted, or maybe they're just too jealous to say anything at all. But at least they have the insight to see that their negative feelings say more about them than they do about you. And they have the good sense to keep quiet.

But please don't be surprised or derailed by the others -- those very few broken people who mistakenly believe they can bring themselves up by pulling you down.

Hurt people hurt people.

They are unhappy about themselves but they lack the insight to see this. When they attack, it is because any action provides relief. And when you don't know how to take FOR yourself, you sometimes take actions AGAINST others.

Unhappy folk are often mean-spirited. They may even seek to undermine or sabotage your success. Whatever method they choose, please remember that their acts of destruction are completely about then and not at all about beautiful you.

Don't let them poison your beautiful heart or diminish the value of your dream. Keep your chin up. Have faith that source will provide a league of champions to lift you up as you seek to bring others along.

And most of all, please don't allow your fear of how some people might respond to your success keep you from trying.

We may take a hit. But then, we RISE. And we bring others along.

Note: For more about how to deal with haters and other challenges, please download your copy of my book, Breakthrough. It's free. Because you're priceless.

For more by Jennifer Boykin, click here.

For more on emotional wellness, click here.

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