Eco Etiquette: Do We Have to Serve Meat at Our Wedding?
Dear Eco Etiquette:
I'm getting married this fall, and my fiancé and I are both vegetarians. We're not only vegetarians for health reasons -- we are also opposed to eating meat for ethical and environmental ones (animal rights, reducing our carbon footprint, etc.). Here's the problem: My husband's family are big, Midwest, steak-loving types, and my mother-in-law is absolutely insisting that we have some sort of meat option on the menu. (And it doesn't help our cause that she's footing part of the bill, either.) Do we have to serve meat at our wedding?
-Carolyn
I'm a firm believer that weddings are about the two people who are joining their lives, and that they should create whatever type of celebration they darn well please. Your parents are there to celebrate you, not show off to their friends and the rest of the family, and if you and your husband-to-be are caring, concerned citizens of the planet, then they should want to embrace that part of you -- including the part about being vegetarians.
Easier said than done. I think your mother-in-law's worry (and a common concern of many non-veggies) is that without meat, people will somehow go hungry and not have a good time at your wedding. So here's what I suggest: Sit down with her and explain how important it is for you both to be true to yourselves on your big day, but that you still know how to throw a soiree in style. Vegetarian party fare doesn't have to mean seitan steak and Tofurky.
You could do a cocktail reception with passed hors d'oeuvres so fabulous that people won't even realize they're meat-free: mini gourmet pizzas, little bubbling crocks of mac and cheese, Thai fresh spring rolls, vegetable samosas, tomato and mozzarella skewers, vegetarian potstickers, falafel dipped in tahini... (alright, I'm starting to get really hungry). Want to offer a sit-down dinner instead? Arrange for an elegant Italian feast: Place beautiful platters of grilled vegetables and creamy burrata on the table, have waiters come by with plates of Tuscan white bean crostini, and serve handmade pasta for the entrée.
Once she gets the hang of the idea, let your MIL make some suggestions -- it'll help her feel included (and help assuage some of your guilt about her financial contribution). And remember: You can never please everyone at a wedding, so you may as well throw the party you want. So what if a few complaining naysayers go a wee bit hungry? Just make sure that there's plenty of booze.
Dear Eco Etiquette,
How can I be sure if something says "organic" that it is actually organic? There is the thought that there might be deceit in advertising.
-Karen
You're right to be wary of labels. It's good news that organic and green have hit the mainstream, but there are a lot of companies out there looking to profit from the sudden popularity in environmentally friendly products. The name for this kind of deceptive marketing is called greenwashing, and it's more widespread than you think: In a study earlier this year by environmental marketing agency TerraChoice, a whopping 98 percent of products labeled "green" mislead their customers about their true environmental benefits or company practices.
The labels for organic food and products, fortunately, are regulated by the federal government and other watchdog operations (like California Certified Organic Farmers), unlike other eco monikers like "natural" and "green," which can be slapped on almost any item without substantiation. According to the US Department of Agriculture's standards, food and products labeled "100 percent organic" must contain only organic ingredients, which means grown or raised without synthetic pesticides or fertilizers, antibiotics or growth hormones, genetic engineering, and radiation; goods labeled "organic" must be at least 95 percent organic; and those "made with organic ingredients" must contain at least 70 percent organic materials.
That being said, when shopping for organic produce at local farmer's markets, you shouldn't necessarily overlook farmers who are lacking the "certified organic" label. It's a difficult and costly process for small growers to achieve that status, and many of them still cultivate their fruits and vegetables without the use of chemical pesticides and fertilizers while they're working to get certified.
And remember: Just because something is labeled "organic" doesn't mean it's healthy. I laughed out loud when I first saw a box of Russell Stover assorted organic chocolates at my local CVS pharmacy. (I don't mean to diminish the company's efforts, but organic corn syrup is still corn syrup!)
Send all your eco-inquiries to Jennifer Grayson at eco.etiquette@gmail.com. Questions may be edited for length and clarity.
Follow Jennifer Grayson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jennigrayson
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I totally agree with your answer about the veg wedding, and I can’t believe some of these comments. The bride AND groom are vegetarian for ETHICAL reasons, which means serving meat for them is serving murder. Duh! If they won’t eat meat, what makes you people think they would make an ‘exception’ to the tune of slaughtering enough meat for 100+ people! That’s a massacre to a vegetarian!
I have a lot of experience feeding meat eaters whom I am hosting. As a gracious host, I strive to keep my guest full and happy. As gracious GUESTS, they are appreciative. Simple! I esp. try hard to please my Dad, who is a meat and potatoes guy. I make his favorite desserts or sides, and get creative to replace the meat. I even make his favorite meatloaf with soy crumbles, and there are never ANY leftovers. The main thing is, my guests know I care whether they are enjoying themselves. Food is a way to show affection- just find ways to do it without meat.
Re the in law, better set down rules right now. If I were having a formal wedding, I’d go Italian- the food is elegant and has tons of vegetarian options- manicotti, pasta primavera, vegetable lasagna, sautéed Portobello mushrooms, ravioli, salads, a bevy of Italian breads, pesto, and the desserts! Tiramisu, biscotti, cannoli, paired with espresso. No one would complain about the lack of meat, and what a sophisticated and esthetically pleasing menu!
This is a highly enjoyable angle to the sometimes dated world of etiquette. I may be an old-fashioned dame, but value a new spin on social graces. With regards to the first question about the vegetarian wedding, you are absolutely on the mark: it's the couple's wedding, and they should "darn well" serve what they like and are most comfortable with. These days, there are so many fantastic vegetarian options (and you've suggested some lovely ones) and it's one point some people always love to whinge about. As long as guests are armed with lovely cocktails and/or suitable alcoholic libations (and non for those who don't) then the party is sure to be a success. After all, a wedding is a day to celebrate a new couple coming together. Here here! Fondly, Prunella
There are so many "meat-less" options that you can provide a fine meal without having meat. The problem most people have is that they don't think of the meat-less items they eat all the time for meals when they consider the options.
- Pasta Bar with selection of Pastas and sauces
- Any pasta such as lasagna or spaghetti with a side salad
- Baked Potato Bar
There are many options out there and some of it will depends on what your family is familiar with and what they like already.
Best advice - do some homework and make some possible suggestions for the meal that are pleasing to you that your mother in law would not thing "oh that's weird" :)
I've been to a wedding reception where I couldn't even have the salad because the bacon bits were already mixed in, and end up eating a roll or two and having fruit salad. In that spirit, I offer this advice: First rate vegetarian fare offered, with enough for everyone, and grade F "taco bell" meat or cocktail wieners for people who can't get with the special day's program.
Petty? Maybe, but sometimes the shoe should go on the other foot.
No. You should attempt to be as insufferable as possible at your wedding, and force your ideas down the throats of people who've come together in your honor. That's what makes the best weddings.
Apparently a lot of folks here have no concept of "ethical." Nice that some do, though.
Yes
I think the author's concern for your mother-in-law's feelings is misplaced. It's your wedding and that means you call the shots. You don't need to explain your decisions to anyone. The larger issue is your relationship with your mother-in-law, and if she's like 80% of inlaws, the sooner you set boundaries with her the better you'll feel about life.
That's right you call the shots, care about no one but yourself.
eating meat is the ultimate of selfishness. Someone had to lose their life for a taste preference.
Ugh... You nailed the wedding industry and it's coddling of female insufferableness for her big day.
When you send the invites include a question that asks people if they will eat vegetarian for your sake. Many will say yes when they R.S.V.P. and the meat portions will be fewer. Find a local producer of humanely raised livestock.
Weddings are not just about the bride and groom. They're about the coming together of families and friends in a closer bond and you should respect that not everyone shares your view. Oh, and you'd better find a decent vegetarian cook because most catered veg options at weddings are pretty much second rate.
If you make sure the food is interesting and good people will not notice the lack of meat. We worked with an unconventional caterer. Do not use meat substitutes. Instead server food that is interesting in its own right. We had the same challenge at our wedding. The food was an incredible hit.
Humanely raised is a marketing scam, unless you know of animals who like getting slaughtered,
However you're right that meat-eaters are no good at cooking vegetarian food.
Raising and slaughtering are two different things. There is a big difference between an animal that can see daylight, walk on grass and one that lives it's life indoors, unable to move while standing in its own crap. Yes, they both are killed in the end and it would be great if everyone were a vegan but they're not.
The killing of animals for food is an emotional issue. Some people have no problem eating a cow but think eating horse or dog is wrong becuase of our associations with them as pets. As far as I'm concerned life is life and the killing of an animal or plant for food should never be taken lightly. I am more troubled with our practice of breeding, raising and slaughtering, genetically altering, etc than with the act of killing. In the end, if you're living something died to keep you alive.
The bride and groom are the only ones who get to decide what is served at their wedding, unless they are not paying for it. Whoever is paying for it gets to decide, be he/she an omnivore or vegan. The guests will smile and congratulate the happy couple and eat what is offered, or not.
Meat and shark fin soup should be off the menu at weddings.
BTW- they're coming to see you not to eat.
No meat-it's about you, not them. If they don't want to foot the bill beacuse of it so be it but it's not a gift if someone tries to control it after it's given.
Congratulations and best wishes.
Meat eaters are omnivores, you know. Just stay away from some of the more signature vegan stuff, like tofu and hummus. There's plenty of options available for food that most meat-eaters consume on a regular basis, and if you don't make a big announcement over it, chances are nobody will notice.
I never considered weddings a place for a couple to force their lifestyles on all members of their family and friends. There is a lot of griping on here about insensitive omnivores not offering vegetarian options at every turn. How is this any different? Many people meat eating people will not be able to find a satisfying meal from veg-only fair. It's just a fact. If you want to put your guests through that, then you are having your day your way at their expense. I don't care what they do, but I personally would not be comfortable treating a "guest" that way, particularly someone who I supposedly love and care about.
wow. so you never have a single meal without meat.
yeah that's exactly what they said...........ya cucumber
If that's what you heard, then you don't know how to listen.
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