THE BLOG

Every Relationship Is a Mirror

02/09/2015 04:21 pm ET | Updated Apr 11, 2015

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It's the month of love and whether we are in a romantic relationship or not, tending to and cultivating the most important relationship in our lives -- the one we have with ourselves -- is what brings us true happiness and is the foundation from which we create beautiful relationships with others.

The universe will perfectly align us with those who mirror back to us the areas in which we need to heal or they will mirror back to us the space of self-love that we've created. In this way, our relationships are our greatest ​spiritual ​assignments; they magnify whatever it is that's going on within us.

If we're going into a relationship with core fears then we can be sure that those fears will be triggered and brought to the surface -- how we show up in those moments will determine ​if we learn the lessons it's trying to teach us​ so that we can break free from old patterns based in fear​.

Relationships are assignments to help us grow. Many times we align with someone who challenges us by triggering our unhealed wounds, making us act from fearful patterns of communication that create separation rather than connection. This looks like the fight or flight, conflict or withdrawal pattern, which is based on past traumas big or small that we unconsciously bring into the present moment and even project into the future. Oftentimes, it is not the present situation that is upsetting us but rather an unhealed wound rooted in the past.

When we're scared rather than going to conflict or running away, we can go within. Going within means to connect with yourself through meditation or ​whatever way you connect with your answers and clarity within. Begin by sourcing the emotion or fear that's coming up for you by asking your mind to show you the first memory of this feeling. From there you can allow feelings to come up to release, moving through them when you're ready, to the other side where you see things from a higher perspective; you can call on your higher self to show you loving perceptions, the truth of the person or situation. In this space you will experience a radical shift. This is where you find your peace, safety and serenity, your connection to love.

Now that you've connected to your source within, you will be able to enter a conversation with someone from a place of vulnerability, which means with an open heart, and explore your feelings, sharing with your partner how you feel or what you need; this is from a place of love not old fear-based pattern​s​.

All of my fears were triggered in my romantic relationships so I started here. I began looking at the limiting patterns and behaviors in my relationships that were not working, the feelings of codependency, my focus on taking care of everyone else rather than myself, and needing someone to behave a certain way for me to be happy, or give me the love and attention I wasn't giving to myself, ​and ​I began to identify the fears and ideas that were running the show beneath these patterns and keeping me in a space of feeling like a victim​. From this new level of awareness, I slowly began to break free and grow in leaps and bounds​.

Many times we try to change the other person in order for us to be happy or we judge or blame others rather than owning our own feelings and taking inventory to see how a limiting belief or pattern can be blocking us from what we desire.

I began to look within myself and I could see how all of the challenges in my relationships were a reflection of my loveless thoughts and the lack of connection I had with myself. I was only focusing on my external life with no awareness of my internal landscape, which is not just our body but also our thoughts and emotions. When I was ready to look at it, I saw that my thoughts and emotions were based in lack, fear, doubt and limitation.

The way we treat ourselves will affect how others treat us. The truth is, I wasn't giving to myself what I wanted from someone else. I wasn't giving myself the love and attention that I wanted. Everything I was withholding from myself I was looking for to the other person and was not getting it. I wasn't taking care of myself -- I was choosing to focus all of my attention on taking care of others or taking care of "the relationship" and trying to fix it.

We are meant to live in our full potential and when we do so, we allow our relationships to be the fullness that they can be as well. The universe lines us up with experiences that will allow us to make new choices and break out of old patterns, which is a deeply liberating experience and one in which we discover our power and the connection with the loving force within us and around us that is constantly nudging us and guiding us to our right thoughts, and our right actions and right choices.

Our habit is to focus on what's not working on the outside and try to fix it. I invite you this week to shift your attention to what's happening on the outside and deepen your attention and awareness on your inner life. When we focus on our internal space and take care of that first-everything else lines up on the outside. Our internal landscape is not just our body, but also our thoughts and emotions.

I invite you this week to spend some peaceful time alone each day where you can meditate, journal, do something you love, and connect with yourself. Give yourself this space to release anything that is no longer serving you -- thoughts, fears, worries, emotions.

When we begin to shift thoughts that are not love and release emotional patterns from our bodies through creating space to listen, raising our levels of awareness around our thoughts and energy, we clear the blocks to our true self, our best self, the person who we came here to be. When we connect with who we really are, from this place of alignment we have the capacity to magnetize to us our desires and experience relationships and a life that is fulfilling, happy, loving and inspiring.

Please share in the comments below the shifts that you're experiencing in your thoughts, beliefs, emotions and in your relationships? Are you experiencing shifts in your relationships as you connect with yourself in a more meaningful way through your daily practice?

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