Preparing For "The Colbert Report"

Don't try to be funny.

That was the piece of advice that was repeatedly given to me when my friends first heard I was booked on The Colbert Report to talk about my book on Chinese food in America, called The Fortune Cookie Chronicles. I had never watched a full episode of The Colbert Report because not only do I not have cable, but I also don't own a television (which makes me a bit of an oddity, but very productive).

A friend who writes for The Daily Show, Rachel Axler, advised over instant messaging that with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart, "The only way to come off looking bad is to try and out-funny them." Colbert is a tougher interviewer so, "Just be calm & roll with the weirdness." Or as my friend Dana explained, "Colbert comes from an improv tradition and the first rule in improv is never deny. In other words, treat the outrageous things that he says at face value and segue into your points - don't brush them off. And keep talking. He needs the author to keep talking in order to riff."

Appearing on The Colbert Report as an author can be a double-edged sword, because while it's high-profile, you are also a punching bag in his bombastic red-blooded American act. A Random House editor said he preferred putting authors on The Daily Show because Jon Stewart, like most interviewers, has a style that is essentially, "So tell me about your book." Whereas with Colbert it's a tête-à-tête where he's trying to be funny while the author is trying to get her point across. Sometimes those goals converge, sometimes they don't. So in advance, my friends brainstormed on which of my points he might jump on. My friend Alexis (a huge Colbert fan) sent me an e-mail predicting how Colbert might respond to my argument that Chinese food is more American than apple pie given how much we eat apple pie versus Chinese food, and how I should recover from that.

Colbert : "I eat apple pie every morning - with a jack and coke - and a bald eagle egg omlette."

Jenny: Well, there are exceptions - and you are clearly an exceptional American - for most would say Chinese food.

Other things he might do:
* Introduce the idea that the Chinese are taking over the world, starting with the restaurants. ("If that happens, I'm hedged. I speak Chinese, what about you?" or "That might happen. I suggest that your kids learn to speak Chinese. My mom's a tutor.")
* Bring up any comment about the fact that fortune cookies were copied from the Japanese by the Chinese ("We don't feel so bad about it, they've been copying us for centuries.").
* Of course, ask about the middle number as initial. ("The Chinese love the number 8. The Beijing Olympics are starting at 8 p.m. on August 8, 2008. They really wanted this Olympics.")

Stephen Colbert greets his guests before the show, where he briefly explains his character to people who have not seen it. (In person he is nothing like on television: very thoughtful with an almost professorial air). Guest interviews last about six minutes, which under the lights and in front of a live audience, seems simultaneously like an eternity and an instant. Something I wasn't expecting was that Colbert would shift the interview to Mandarin Chinese. (So what did I say? "I started working on this book several years ago and now I'm talking about it on your television show." It was what popped into mind.) Something we did anticipate correctly, was the apple pie line.

And then it was over. At the moment the lights went out, I slumped in exhaustion down in my chair. Colbert reached over the table, calmly smiled and said, "Don't worry. You did great."

Watch the interview below:

Comments

[CynAnne]

... You were funny, cute, AND made Stephen laugh, Jennifer - in short, you were the perfect guest! Now I need to read your book - kudos and best wishes..! :) ...

[grailknight]

You did very well and you have good friends.

BTW sometimes in this country Anglos name their children with numbers, usually spelled out. Look in the archives of the William and Mary Quarterly, there is a story of George Robert Twelves Hewes, one of the last veterans of the American Revolution. There's also a brief sketch of him in wikipedia. The WMQ story says that at least two of his sons had numbers in their names, Eleven and Fifteen, which was their birth order. Hewes was a shoemaker by trade, thus always on the edge of poverty and it is speculated that with such low prospectes, the only thing George could give his sons was the joke of their names.

[jennylens]

Great interview, but please don't wear bracelets next time. They clanged on the table. But you were funny and entertaining. JFK indeed!

[kmdippenger]

Some guests try to be funnier than him or try to stay too serious, or else they just laugh the whole way through..y­ou were a very charming blend and I learned ALOT from your interview. Thank you!

[kellygrrrl]

Good Job, Jennifer 8 -- keep it up!

[swokm]

Don't worry about the punching bag -- we're all in on the joke. You came off very well, and quite sharp and responsive. A little too tense, if you don't mind me saying, but one of the better interviews. Your instinct about not prepping too much comedy (other than a dry/softball line or two to known issues that'll come up) I bet is very accurate.

[NC4Obama]

Yeah saw it last night you did a good job, you should see some of the people who didn't. :P

[JamieFrevele]

Loved it! Good job, and your interview left me hungry for your book!

[Proud2BIndy]

Yep. You were great. Your friends prepared you well and you hit a home run.

Love the General Tsao story! Damn, how come we never heard of that rebellion? That's some serious history.

[chinohillster]

Ms Lee: I saw your interview, and thought you had great energy, presence and wit (I was fascinated to learn that 'General Tso's Chicken' is not a recognized dish in China!)

You did very, very well.

Your interview and book made me wonder just how authentic many of our supposed 'cuisines' are - would, for example, the the peoples of India, Vietnam, Japan, etc recognize what we consider to be their national foods?

Hmmm.....

[kmdippenger]

I lived in Italy for 8 years and it's very difficult to find an authentic Italian restaurant here...sal­t is the preferred flavor enhancer in Italy, not garlic.

[Leebot]

Colbert's humor is sometimes spot-on, but there are times when he continually talks over his guest to the point where I'm saying out loud "Let her get a word in edgewise!" I've noticed some guests speak rapid-fire, as though they are afraid if they don't, they won't get to say anything. But I guess no matter how brief the interview, there's a definite "bump" for any author who appears on Colbert or Stewart's programs.

I saw your interview by the way -- good job!

[jsinclair]

I'm shocked you never watched the show! (Then again, I think he'd be a scary interview because, like your friend, I'm a huge fan. He's VERY quick.)

Your friends gave you excellent advice and you did very well--animated, funny (without trying to "top" him--always a mistake), and made me want to find the book next time I'm at B&N.

No question that Jon Stewart is the easier interviewer--he just wants to make you look good. Colbert's character, on the other hand? Scary!!!!

If I were you, I'd be proud--like I'd just successfully navigated a minefield. :)

[Durango]

I thought Colbert briefed his guests by telling them "Your interviewer is an idiot"?

[SkimaskBob]

agreed with stephen - you were great. well done.

[udermuder]

i agree with stephen and bob u were wonderful.

[2012isnear]

very few guests come off looking as good as you did. you charmed the pants off him and id imagine, all people watching.

[Lon]

Your friend gave you the right advice. One of the most painful moments of television I ever saw was Marilyn vos Savant trying to be funny on the Letterman show. If you are not a comedienne on a show centered around a comic the best thing to do is to play straight man. They have the incentive to make their show work. And they are good at it.