SAHM's Job Application

Some people live for their children. They stay in a career they don't like because it pays well enough to provide the very best for their children. I think that is admirable. Don't get me wrong, I would give my life to save any of my kids, but I have a different outlook.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

Some people live for their children. They stay in a career they don't like because it pays well enough to provide the very best for their children. I think that is admirable. Don't get me wrong, I would give my life to save any of my kids, but I have a different outlook. I have always tried to hold onto some sort of self-identity and independent happiness, and I hope they respect me for that one day. I enjoy working and love what I do. Massage therapy pays the bills. I can work as much or as little as I want, and I make my own schedule. After 5 years of giving massages, I am feeling the wear and tear on my body and have chosen to close my business next year.

As much as I would love to just write and blog all day, that's not going to put food on the table. So naturally, I have been brainstorming on what I will do next. Out of curiosity, I went to a few online sites to see what opportunities were out there. After an hour or so, I realized, "Shit. The only way I could take any of these positions is to pay for full time daycare." I'm sure few companies are hiring for a 10-3 position that pays more than minimum wage. This is a crushing reality.

I was so excited for my oldest to start kindergarten this year thinking it would make my life so much easier. Wrong. I had to adjust my existing work hours to operate around bus pick-up and drop-off times. Between that, and bringing the other two kids back and forth to daycare; I now spend most of my time rushing through the day and driving. Thank god we did not do sports this season, or this would be my never-ending life.

I love my husband, and he is a great provider for our family. Because of that, his job is a priority and if I want to work, I need to figure out how to make it cohesive with everyone else's schedule and budget.

So, once I felt totally unemployable, I started thinking about the standard interview question: "What are your strengths and weaknesses?" Jesus. That is a scary question at this point in my life. Here is what I came up with...

Strengths:
I can catch vomit in the palm of my hands.
I am not offended by nakedness and have no problem telling someone to put their wiener away.
I can hear everything.
I can block out annoying sounds and people.
I can operate on no sleep with no food.

Weaknesses:
Getting to work with clean cloths is unlikely.
I may start drinking before the end of my shift, because let's be honest...I have to go home.
When my kid gets sick, I will undoubtedly be the one responsible to take the day off of work.
My vehicle looks and smells like a garbage truck exploded inside of it, so driving clients around is out of the question.

So basically, I'm looking for a 10am to 3pm work day that pays like a 40 hour work week. I will definitely miss some of those five-hour shifts due to myself or someone else being ill. I have transportation, but pray that you will never have to ride in it. However, I will be happy at work every day (because I will probably be drunk).

I guess "stay-at-home mom and devoted coupon-er" it is.

Close

HuffPost Shopping’s Best Finds

MORE IN LIFE