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Jennifer Lehr Headshot


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Dear Jennifer,

One kid or two? My husband and I are continually going back and forth on this one and change our minds another opinion is welcome. And I know you said you have a baby, so what are you going to do? My clock is running out so I can't debate this for very much longer.

Will our next child be as great as this one? Will we be able to afford it? Why complicate our lives if it is going along so well. Our child won't know what she's missing, so is it really important to give him a sibling?

Looking for another opinion.



Oh I sympathize, Erica. I hated being pregnant. I gained so much weight. I got the "Are you having twins?" question all the time. Even "Are you having triplets"! Can you imagine how rude people can be? Anyway, the idea of being pregnant again makes me sick. It's taken me 9 months to lose most of the weight, so the idea of another uncomfortable eighteen months of not feeling like myself is totally unappealing. But of course, I remind myself, it does come to an end and look at what you get for 18 months of discomfort--an angel.

Which brings me to your question, will the next one be as great? I don't know. Do parents really and truly love each of their children the same? No parents is really going to truthfully answer that.

As I'm sure you've heard before, most people say it's great for the kid to have a sibling. It's especially great if they are close in age so they can play together because it is supposedly less work for you, trying to set up playdates etc. And of course when you're old and a burden to the world, they won't have to shoulder that burden alone. I do hate the idea of our little Jules having to take care of/make decisions for a cancer-ridden me and an Alzheimer-laden John all by herself--god forbid.

So there are lots of pluses. But my god, can you imagine how much more a second child costs--especially with the state of public schools in this country? I'd love to be successful enough to afford private schools for them, but that's a lot of pressure. I mean with one, maybe she can go to private schools and we get to travel as a family every year. And I cringe at the thought of all the running around to soccer games and piano lessons and friends' houses. It can sound depressing--as if with two kids I become more and more of a driver and less and less myself.

Gosh, Erica, I'm afraid I'm of no help on this one. I'm in a quandary myself. Maybe some readers will be kind enough to weigh in on it. In this case, I'm as ill-equipped to answer the question as you are.
Readers? Any thoughts?