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3 Things to Remember When You've Been Screwed Over

03/17/2015 03:38 pm ET | Updated May 17, 2015
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At some point in our lives, in some way or another, we have all been screwed over by someone else. Maybe it was by an ex or a friend. Maybe it was by a colleague or classmate. Maybe it was even by a family member or a roommate.

Regardless of your relationship to the person, being screwed over by someone can really, well, suck. We have placed our trust in this person and, somehow, they have let us down. They have done the thing that we didn't think they would've done. As a result, we feel hurt, angry, and, overall, betrayed.

Dealing with these emotions aren't always the easiest thing. We can find ourselves caught up in these emotional responses -- and so, as a result, we unable to think clearly about the reality of our situation. So here are things to remember when you've been screwed over by someone:

1. Revenge may not always be the best option. When these types of things happen, it is likely that we may feel the urge to "get back at" the person in some way. This may be by telling anyone and everyone about how this person hurt you in hopes that "what goes around, comes around". This may also involve doing other things a bit more strategically in order to get back at them in some way.

The problem is that, in doing this, many times (not always, but many times) we are actually dragging ourselves down to their level. In trying to get back at them, we aren't necessarily making ourselves "the bigger person" in the situation. And, as a result, it is also likely that we are just wearing ourselves out with all the stress we are giving ourselves in the process of it all.

Often times the best thing that we can do is to simply let it go and trust that the universe (through the process of karma) will take care of it. Know and trust that everyone will ultimately get what they deserve -- including you! Remember that! ;-)

2. The only person who you really have control over is yourself. Another thing that we may try to do when we've been screwed over by someone else is to try and control the entire situation ourselves. Maybe we may try to talk to them in hopes to try to force them to change a decision they had made or just really try to get this other person to see and understand our side of things.

Though I can 100% relate to this, the unfortunate reality is that we really can't control the other person. The only person is this world who we really have control over is ourselves. Which leads me to saying that the reality is that...

3. The let downs shows us how we can improve so it doesn't happen again. When we've been screwed over we can find ourselves wishing we could turn back the clock and do things in a different way so that we somehow could have avoided being screwed over all together. Maybe it involved saying "No" to a request earlier in the relationship or asking the person more questions before making an agreement.

Even though being screwed over does certainly suck, the benefit is that it does teach us how to be stronger in the future. It teaches us how we can better cover our bases in our future relationships (of any and all kinds). It helps us to better refine our boundaries of what we are willing to tolerate and what we are not willing to tolerate. It also helps us know all the right questions that we need to ask and things we need to talk about with the other person so that all the things we need to know are out in the open.

And, finally, it does also teach us about forgiveness. It reinforces the teaching that people do not always know how much they have really truly hurt us -- and that goes for both others and ourselves. Rarely do any of us really truly fully know how much we have hurt other people in our lives.

Because of this truth, it is vital to forgive -- both ourselves and others -- for not knowing better.

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Take action now!

Take a moment right now to reflect on someone who has screwed you over. This may have been recently or several months or years ago. Based on the list above in the article, which of the three things do you most need to remember in order to heal from this let down?

Do you still find yourself wanting revenge and you need to let go of it? Do you still find yourself wanting to control this person to change their mind? Are you struggling to really accept how you can change yourself so this doesn't happen in the future? Share it in the comments below!

This blog was originally published on JenniferTwardowski.com

Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and teacher. She helps women worldwide create fulfilling relationships with both themselves and others so they can live happy and joyful lives. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation.

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