THE BLOG

Transform Love Addiction Into Pure Love

03/13/2015 12:11 pm ET | Updated May 13, 2015
Jamie Grill via Getty Images

Ah, love. It's such a blissful feeling when you've found it. The sound of birds singing sounds so much more peaceful. Every day feel so much more brighter and happier.

You feel like you've been floating on cloud nine and you don't want anything to ever take you off of this wonderful high.

If you've ever experienced this early on in a relationship, then you know how great it is -- and you probably wish you could just stay in that state all day every day for the rest of time.

And really, I don't blame you. It's a great feeling -- believe me, I know -- but there are also some problems that can come from it.

You see, when we experience these kind of highs early on in a relationship with someone and find ourselves in this blissful state of falling in love, many of us also find ourselves a bit addicted.

This love addiction comes from experiencing all these great highs and then wanting that feeling to stay there forever. So we try to hang around with our love interest as much as possible so we can maintain that high.

We drop our own hobbies and interests, we stop hanging out with our friends, and we basically spend less time doing things for ourselves in order to spend more time with this person who we get such elated feelings from being around. Pretty soon we find our love interest out doing things by themselves while we're sitting at home waiting by the phone and going through their Facebook profile photos for the tenth time that day.

It is at this point where it is safe to say that we have crossed over into codependent territory. We are completely relying on our love interest to provide us with happiness. We have lost our sense of self.

What we don't realize, however, is that this is, in fact, a vital time. It is a time where we can actually turn our love addiction into something remarkable: By expressing the love that we have found through our connection with another out into the world, we help make it better.

You see, when we have found love through a connection with another, it energizes us. It gives us that extra "spark" of love and joy. It is then that we must shift our perspective. Our habitual response is to focus even more on our partner and rely on them to supply us with more of those feelings. When what we should really be doing is shifting our mindset to: Look at all these wonderful and loving feelings that I'm experiencing, how can I express that love out into the world? How can I help make other people feel and experience more love through my own inner love and joy?

Though there is no direct "this is what you must do" answer on how to express it, here are some suggestions:

Give something unexpected. You see that homeless person on the street? Give them a few dollars. See someone at the coffee shop who looks like they could use a "pick me up"? Give them a warm smile and ask them how they are doing. Send out cards to loved ones. Call or e-mail an old friend. Give whatever your heart feels drawn to give.

Create! Allow yourself to create something that you love. Start writing. Paint a picture. Take pictures. Grow plants. Do some crafts. Do something that you love to do that nourishes your soul.

Do something that you've always wanted to do, but have never done. Have you always wanted to volunteer but you never have? Have you always wanted to donate to a certain cause but you haven't before? Have you always wanted to travel somewhere but you never allowed yourself to? Have you always wanted to do a speech but never let yourself do it?

This may not necessarily seem like your expressing your love into the world by doing things you've never done but have wanted to do. However, the reality is that when we use the fuel of this love that we've gained through out connection with another and use it to fuel our own inner desires, we then help ourselves, our relationship, and all those around us. We help all that is around us when we say yes to the calling that is within us.

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That is how we shift into a place of pure and true unconditional love... and that is how we can really change the world and create lives filled with love.

Take action now!

Whether you are in a relationship now or not, think of at least one thing that you can do today that can help bring more love into the world and your own life. What can you create? What can you give to another? What can you do that your heart calls you to do but you haven't let yourself do it? Share that one thing that you have identified in the comments below!

This blog was originally published on JenniferTwardowski.com

Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and teacher. She helps women worldwide create fulfilling relationships with both themselves and others so they can live happy and joyful lives. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation.

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