I've always been a pretty goal oriented person.
When I was about 16, I remember writing bucket lists and a list of "Things I want to do before I'm 30".
Even when the month or two before I was planning to move to South Korea to teach, I was writing lists to lay out my plans as to what I was going to do while there and once I got back. I had it all planned out that I was going to teach for a year, come back home, start my Masters to go into some special education and then be working full time and married by about 28.
Clearly, that didn't happen.
In fact, it's not even close.
I'm not living back in Illinois, I don't have a masters in special education, I'm not full time teaching, and I'm most certainly not married.
And you know what? The idea that I could've actually planned where I'd want to be after living abroad is completely ludicrous!
There is no way that I could've accurately planned my life out post-Korea. In order for that to work, I would've had to experienced nothing that was even remotely life-changing during my time living and traveling overseas.
But yet, many of us still set goals in this same old fashioned way. We make New Years Resolutions to plan everything that we want to do that year. We make lists of things we want to do and achieve by a certain age. We make bucket lists of things we want to do in our life time.
But how often do we actually follow through with our goals? And, more importantly, how often do we feel fulfilled and happy when doing and achieving things on our lists?
More often than not, achieving our goal doesn't really give that much satisfaction. We earn our degree only to now be freaking out over finding a job. We take a vacation out to the Grand Canyon only to now be planning our next trip. We pay off our debt only to now be completely focused on saving to buy a new car.
We're so busy focused on doing the next thing on our list, that we don't give ourselves much time to really sit back and enjoy.
So I've recently ditched my old way of goal setting and have started a totally new method that I've been finding to be so much more effective. I've actually found myself feeling more in the flow, more joyful, and much less stressed and overwhelmed.
Here's what I'm doing in a step-by-step guide so that you can start doing the same:
#1 - Make the one and only goal to feel happiness and joy.
Make things super simple for yourself: Make your main goal to feel happiness and joy in your life. Everything else that you do can be byproduct of being happy or an influence to experiencing more happiness and joy.
If something doesn't quite produce happiness and, instead, creates a lot of stress or pressure then it's time to reflect on it. Ask yourself: Is it possible that I can be happy and joyful when doing this? If so, then focus on changing your mindset. If not, then it's time to look at your other options.
#2 - Try to focus on more short-term goals.
I think one of the biggest mistakes we can do when goal setting is trying to plan out 3, 5, and even 10 years in advance. How can we even know what place we will be in by that time? A lot of things can happen between now and then.
Plus, focusing that far in advance only takes us more out of the present moment. It puts us in the mindset that "eventually, someday, I'll be happy" when, truly, we can all experience happiness right here, right now. In fact, its the only time we can find happiness is in the present moment.
So if you're going to set a goal to do something, focus on things that you'd like to do in the next few weeks, months, and up to maybe a couple years (and for planning years in advance I mean: When making a big purchase and needing think about where you'll be then). Anything more than that is just going to be a waste because, more than likely, it's going to be changed over and over and over again. Save yourself the time and energy and just focus on what you can do now.
#3 - When setting a goal, ask yourself: Does this feel like I'll find happiness and joy out of this or am I "pushing it"?
Simply: Don't set a goal because you think you "should". Be honest with yourself. Be true to you!
I can assure you that you'll have a hard time really experiencing happiness if you're constantly worried about keeping other people and society happy. So do what you love and what lights you up. Life's just simply too short to be focused on trying to live someone else's life.
Take action now!
For this week, go out into the world with your main goal to be happy and joyful. Carry joy with you wherever you go. If you find yourself in a situation where it's challenging, ask yourself: What good things am I gaining from this experience? What am I grateful for? How can I bring happiness and joy into this maybe not-so-great environment?
Then report back here in the comments and let me know your experiences! :-)
Jennifer is a self and relationship coach, writer, and spiritual teacher. She is the founder of JenniferTwardowski.com. Her mission is to help women create loving relationships with both others and themselves. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.
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