Just to set the record straight: I don't have a problem with monogamy. I don't think people in open relationships are more "evolved" than those in closed ones. I don't think open relationships are always honest and closed ones are always deceitful.
I believe in choice and acceptance.
I say this because it seems as if people who read my work think that I don't believe in monogamy. But it's not real monogamy that I have a problem with. The issue for me is that an overwhelming majority of people give lip service to the idea, but I'm not convinced that the people who claim to adhere to it actually do.
Regardless of the kind of relationship you have, dishonesty is bad. I think we can all agree on that.
People can be dishonest. And people do cheat. It is unfortunate that there are no hard statistics about adultery. Surveys and studies rely on people telling the truth and, obviously, cheating is something people lie about. I understand that anecdotal evidence is not scientific proof. But it is hard to ignore the signs I see all around me.
To finish reading "Mythical Monogamy" visit my open relationship forum "Open Up" on the Tango Magazine website.
admitting to a partner that you cheated is more a way of relieving some of the guilt you feel at what you've done. it doesn't do anything to help the person you cheated on, it in fact can be absolutely devastating to them. but you feel so much guilt that you feel compelled to assuage it by letting your partner in on it. if it is a one time thing and the guilt has taught you your lesson, learn from it , grow, and keep it to yourself. serial cheaters are a different story entirely. for them their partner deserves to know the snake they married so they can decide if they want to continue punishing themselves or not.
overall honesty is critical to a successful relationship. but sexual compatibility is also important, because when sexual needs aren't met within the relationship some people begin to search outside of the relationship. still others just suffer in silence because they feel it is better to be miserable and sexually frustrated with someone than to be alone.
-Oscare Wilde
If I told my girlfriend that every day I would LOVE to have sex with strange women, she would be hurt, confused, and downright pissed off. Do I want to have sex with other women sometimes? Yes. Do I tell my girlfriend every time I feel the urge to fantasize about such a scenario? NO. Absolutely not. If she feels the same way, I don't really want to hear it either.
The way I look at it, you're not in a full relationship until at least a year of dating, and during those first few months it is completely okay to be dating and having sex with other people. Should you tell the people you're dating about the others? NO. Absolutely not. Honesty just makes things crappy for everyone. If the point of dating is to meet the person you want to share your life with (procreation, shared intimacy, etc) then it should be okay to hold back until you've found your match. I don't like to share too many intimate details about past relationships with my current girlfriend, because it's not fair to her. Why should she hear about my previous sex life? Heath issues should be mentioned if they are pertinent, but I'm not talking about promiscuity, I'm talking about intimacy! Filters are GOOD.
}}}}}}}}}}
I could eat pizza all the time and not have problem.
}}}}}}}}}}
Ahhhhh To be young again... :D
Michale.....
1. The urge to reproduce is a powerful
instinct that is irrevocably imbedded
in each member of every species
to insure that the species survives.
2. In humans, the female who carries the
fetus finds her instinct is suppressed
until after the offspring is birthed.
3. The male who impregnates the female
does not lose his instinct to mate with
other females.
4. Cultural, religious and legal restraints
pressure the male not to mate with other
females so that he will stay with
female and her offspring and provide
food and shelter.
All the rest is entertaining lies we watch on
soap operas and read in gossip columns.
You think people who view sex as recreation (interesting root for both words) are thinking about procreation?
1. What is your definition of marriage?
2. What is the point of being married?
Being married has nothing to do with sex..
Anyone who gets married for sex usually finds out in a BIG hurry how wrong a reason that is...
Michale.....
Love and sex and all that are just secondary trappings added on by religion and Top 40 radio songs.
I think the author is spot on: whether you're monogamous or not, be honest.
Monogamy is idealistic and sets us up for an incredible failure. It demands that we be everything for someone else all of the time. Of course, over time aspects of that ideal are chipped away and for many people the sexual taboo is breached too. Breaches trigger self and relationship re-evaluation. The best relationship survive because the evaluation reaffirms what is core in the relationship.
SAME TIME NEXT YEAR....
Ooops, I think I just dated myself... :D
Michale.....
- Tom
Granted, it doesn't eliminate the risk, but it reduces it considerably..
Michale.....
STD's are a real concern, but with proper precautions it becomes clear what role they really play in this debate: that of a bogeyman that the morality police use to try to "scare you straight."
other we hurt them. We have feelings and we only acknowledge the other when it benefits us. Lets
do better than this and lets give just as much as the other they deserve it because they gave us
love, attention and they gave us support. wether man or woman we need each other and we have
to realize that changes will be there til the day we die.
I think it was to promote active involvement in fatherhood. Thankfully progressive feminism, including this article are undoing the whole argument again. Why be married or loyal when you can enjoy all the flavors. PLenty of Moms are coming and sayingf they don't want a father involved in raising their children anyway. So be it. Make sure women get equal pay so we can drop the whole paternity thing. Parenthood is now planned and strictly voluntary.
Time to get out and play!!!
Monogamy was thought up by Men.... Not Women!
Men did not want to have other sons and daughters under their care from somebody else's sperm.
Monogamy was so that men could have claim over their own property. Women and children being apart of that property.Carrying on their name and their sperms.
It is men who have created the Idea of Two Types Of Women along with Monogamy and the repression of womens own sexuality. Just look at Africa and the tribal practice of mutilation of womens genitals.
Men wanted their wives to be at home bearing their children and no body else's as they themselves spread their seeds to whomever.
There are millions upon millions of children born every year without Fathers!
I suggest you read the Book: Sex, Time and Power to get a better perspective. Fidelity is a farce created by men to Repress Women and keep them as 2nd citizens.
Sex is an appetite for a lot of people...total monogamy is like eating the same meal all the time..
it has nothing to do with being "unfaithful" or disloyal to the life partner. To a lot of people, a new partner brings the EXCITEMENT of variety. We still view sexuality between consenting adults in a very medieval way. The word 'cheating' says a lot...nobody owns anybody else. For a lot of people fidelity is a CHOICE whether you like it or not.
I could eat pizza all the time and not have problem.
The fact is monogamy doesn't fall apart for lack of variety so to speak, it goes bust when one of the parties becomes less involved in keeping the love alive.
It's odd how much our culture resists the simple fact that sex is not the same thing as love, and *that's okay*.