Portrait Of An Open Marriage, Take Two: Yes, I Have A Husband And A Girlfriend

More than two years ago, I wrote "Portrait of an Open Marriage" for Tango magazine. It was reprinted here and in Cosmopolitan (Germany). It got a number of comments on Huffington Post and continues to get comments to this day at tangomag.com.

But a lot of those comments are irrelevant now because my situation has changed so drastically. Readers of my new book, Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage will have the opportunity to get the whole story. In the meantime, Tango magazine has commissioned me to write an update on the process of opening up my marriage and becoming polyamorous. Here's a peek...

Excerpt from "Portrait of an Open Marriage. Take Two":

"I want you to kiss me," she said. Funny she should use those words when they so closely echoed mine more than ten years ago. "I want to kiss you," I had said to my then best friend Sophie Anne. "Me too," Sophie Anne had said to me then. "Are you sure?" was what I said to Jemma, the girl who was now requesting that I do something that I imagined could change a lot of things for a lot of people. Of course, I never could have known then just how much change it would mean.

I met Jemma at an art gallery. She was curating a show that I was reviewing for the paper. "Can I help you?" she asked. I was standing in front of a massive canvas, taking notes as I took in the colors, textures, and designs. I introduced myself and told her why I was there. "Let me get you a catalog," she said. When she came back she invited me to the official opening and lecture that night. That was the first of many outings we would go on together. As friends, of course.

She had told me she was straight. "Very straight. I don't have a problem with it. I just can't imagine ever being with a girl," she said when I told her one day that I identified as bisexual. Between that and the fact that she was eleven years my junior, a work contact, and not my type, I never gave a moment's thought to us ever being more than friends. But after about six months of spending time together, we went away on a weekend trip. I do some travel writing and sometimes can take someone along. It was on that trip that she asked me to kiss her...

Finish reading "Portrait of an Open Marriage. Take Two" at the Tango magazine website.

Comments

[Badbone]

Good old one-note Jenny. Yes, you’re bisexual. You’ve not gone two columns without informing us of that. It no longer shocks us.

But as others have said, it sounds to me less like “open marriage” and more like “I’m going to sleep with other people and don’t care what my husband thinks of it”. It’s completely one sided.

In fact, I’d go so far as to say that you would dump hubby if he dared try what you are doing. Him sharing the love? That’s not on the program. As you’ve made clear in the past, it’s all about *your* pleasure.

Your husband is at best, furniture. An appliance. An ATM. A lifter of heavy objects. A doer of chores. A painter, a fixer, a mechanic. A beard. But a human? No. And worthy of equal consideration? Certainly not.

[wondering]

Who else is offended by the accompanying photo? What is a CHILD doing in a photo that accompanies a story about open relationships?

[AnitaWagner]

Do you mean the picture of Miley Cyrus (who is 15 and a minor but not a child, BTW)? I don't see anything that would qualify otherwise. Seems pretty clear to me that her picture does not accompany the article and is, as it says, part of another popular story on Huff Post right now.

Certainly polyamory is about open and honest relationships between consenting adults, and no one in the polyamory community would advocate involving children as seems to be the case for the FLDS polygamists in Eldorado, TX, an entirely different practice with little resemblance to polyamory. But that said, neither is there any evidence whatsoever that demonstrates that polyamorous families are bad for children. In fact, it's just the opposite. The more adults there are to love and care for children, provide for them, listen to them, supervise, celebrate birthdays, help with homework, give rides to soccer practice, and so forth, the better.

Polyamorists are no more prone to do irresponsible, inappropriate things around their kids than anyone else. I have to wonder just what kind of person would jump to such a conclusion.

[wondering]

One pair of feet in the photo are clearly those of a child. Take a look.

[MikeDu]

Read Anais Nin's 'Henry and June' for similar shenanigans 80 years ago. Also read her following diaries for a little extra perspective. "Liberation' eventually devolved into a creepy narcissistic manipulation. Not meant as a criticism, mind you. As a recovering ex-Catholic I've been brought up to distinguish 'venal' from 'mortal' sins. I can think of one person in particular who decided to follow a 'righteous' pathway - which eventually devolved into invading Iraq and killing a million innocents. The difference between 'venal' and 'mortal'.

[TNT2008]

What in the world does this have to do with politics? LOL! Are we trying to make this practice normal just in case one of the candidates is proven to be in similar situation? Good grief! Sometimes people give us too much information!

[LiberalBuzz]

Well that's nice. I'm glad you all are happy. I've met a few people in my life who have the same sort of relationships going.

I guess I'm just sort of curious about Jemma. Are YOU her only love? Or does she have others in her life too?

Also it doesn't sound as though she is actually straight or for that matter bi, but rather a lesbian who finally realized herself.

And it does strike me as unusual that your husband isn't interested in taking this polyamorous lifestyle to the point of having a threesome or for that matter taking off with her for a romantic weekend.

Some odd questions I will grant you but they do make me wonder just how this love has been expanded and would it change anything if any or all of those three propositions were to happen?

Nonetheless congratulations on your current happiness.

[ReasonIsMyReligion]

Not quite polyamory, I dare say. Not quite an open marriage, I dare say. Hubby ain't gettin' extra. Repeat.

So the lady's bi, and hubby's ok with it.

Just wondering what the author's sensibilities would be if hubby were boffing the girlfriend. Or a guy.

[Melodyl]

Good observation, I too wonder about that little twist.

But you know this little affair will end just like all these little trysts always do, People screaming poor little me.

So I will say it now, you bought and paid for it. Now live with the result of your actions

[AnitaWagner]

My, polyamory seems to bring out the worst in you. Jenny Block has not wronged you personally, has she? Yet your words are spiteful and vindictive. Why is that, exactly?.

I know many polyamorists who live stable, fulfilling lives. On the whole their relationships do no better or worse than monogamous relationships. In some ways they do better, in that there is no cheating, so no breach of trust, a sure relationship killer that is rampant in many so-called monogamous relationships.

Polyamorists deal with emotions as they come up via good communication. They learn to manage jealousy - it doesn't have to derail these relationships, and those who are good at polyamory find what works for them so all stay happy and secure in their various connections.

Sometimes one partner engages in relationships with others and the other doesn't. Usually its because at that point in time they feel their needs are being met with their marriage partner and are content with that. They love their spouse enough to give them the gift of freedom to love others as well as themselves. Jenny's Jemma is a grown woman making her own decisions about how she gets her needs met. If the relationship didn't work for her she very likely wouldn't be in it.

I really have to wonder what makes someone speak so unkindly about others' personal lives. If it's not for you, let it alone, no one is saying you have to follow suit.

[bgregs]

The real question is not why do you have this relationship, but why does anybody besides the three of you CARE!?!?!?!?!? I'll admit that I don't like the thought of a polygamy as practiced by the group in Texas, but that's simply because not everyone was able to make their own decisions regarding it.....