Prop Eight Should Be Called Prop Hate

I am so angry that I don't know where to begin. I mean, it's not as if I wasn't angry before this. But suddenly, I feel as if I could spit fire. I don't know what the breaking point was...no...wait...I do. I know exactly what it was. It was an email. It's a daily digest I recieve called The Gay and Lesbian Smartbrief. (http://www.glli.org/home) The news stories they share often raise my ire. But this one put me over the edge:

"Openly gay Campbell, California, City Councilman Evan Low reported receiving seven phone calls threatening him with a recall campaign unless he retracts his public opposition to Proposition 8, the ballot initiative that would amend the state constitution to restrict marriage. Low said, 'It is bad enough they want to eliminate rights for people. It is just ugly, plain and simple.'" Bay Area Reporter (San Francisco)

I don't understand. I sincerely don't understand. All I could think of when I saw this email was the wedding pictures from friends in California who I'll call D and E. Beautiful photos of a couple committing their love and their lives to one another. Faces beaming. Hands clasping. Friends cheering. They've been together forever. They are madly in love. They have a beautiful home. D is a writer and E is a doctor. They are homebodies. They are monogamous. They finally tied the knot a few months ago.

They are also both women. As far as I'm concerned, who cares? I mean, really, who does it affect barring the two of them? Not me. Not you. Okay, I take that back, their taxes - which there will now be more of will certainly help the roads we drive on and the hospitals we seek care in. So their marriage actually will help you and I. Besides, now they're coupled off. Two by two. Isn't this what the conservative right wants? They're solid. They're a couple. They love and respect each other. They're the American Dream.

So why are people out there fighting Prop Eight with such vehemence? There are children being abused, homeless citizens starving in the streets, countries struggling for survival. And people are spending their time and money and energy working to make sure that two people in love can't make that bond a legal one? Huh?

That's why I'm so confused and that's why I have such a grand problem with such careless hate. Despite the "God hates the sin, not the sinner" rhetoric. These folks are voting for and donating for hate. H-A-T-E. Hate. They are speaking out and protesting for hate.

They shroud it in religion, of course - though I challenge anyone who speaks and reads Greek to read to me from the original writings of God him or herself where s(he) says that homosexuality is a sin or wrong or dangerous or threatening. Where are these dangerous gays by the way? I also challenge anyone to hand over these predators who are teaching children their "queer" ways and subverting the pristine institution of marriage.

The institution with a 50% failure rate, by the way. The institution which drives anywhere from 10% - 80% (depending on which statistics you opt for) to lie and cheat. The institution that is stacked in favor of men no matter how you look at from life expectancy to housework. The heterosexual community isn't so great at marriage. What on earth makes people think the homosexual community will be any worse?

Studies show that legalizing gay marriage actually stands to improve the dastardly marriage stats - not hurt them. Besides, who gives a hoot? Why do people care who else can get married? How does that affect your marriage? Or, in the immortal words Wanda Sykes, "If you don't like gay marriage, don't have one."

What I'm saying is that there is no institution that needs protecting. There is no group that it needs to be protected from. And there are no cold, hard F-A-C-T-S that anyone can provide concluding that gays and lesbians should not have the same rights as anyone else.

It's like suggesting African Americans shouldn't be allowed to vote. It's like suggesting men and women shouldn't be allowed to use the same water fountains. It's like rounding up people who don't have blonde hair and blue eyes and sending them to death and work camps. It's arbitrary. It's ridiculous. It's based in nothing more than hatred and fear and ignorance. And it's driven by desperate power struggles (church and state, anyone?) and blatant abuse of resources (hello, struggling economy).

If Prop Eight passes, D and E will no longer be married. Their wedding photos will become a farce. And hate will actually be legalized. Legalized hate. Is that really the direction we want to take?

"In Germany, they came first for the Communists,

And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist;

And then they came for the trade unionists,

And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist;

And then they came for the Jews,

And I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew;

And then . . . they came for me . . .

And by that time there was no one left to speak up."

Pastor Martin Niemöller

Comments

[westend girl]

In my previous life as a wedding planner, same-sex marriages made up a huge chunk of my business in Toronto. Besides my Canadian clients, I had clients from Bermuda, Michigan, Texas and California and was always amazed at the distances people would travel to tie the knot, when Toronto was temporarily the gay marriage capital of North America.

When greeting the many guests that would always fly in to take part, or watching the ceremony or celebration after the fact, the love in the room was always the focus. Gay, straight, you didn't notice.

Because it doesn't matter. It's always so infuriating to see how many people think have the right to decide how someone else's life should be lived.

Thanks for another great post Jenny! Here's hoping that one day everyone will be able to just write happy posts about this subject.

Samantha, author of the blog and upcoming book: Not Your Mother's Playground - Open Relationships for Everyday Folk
http://notyourmothersplayground.com

[rbryanh]

My oh my, what a bill of fare you've implicitly served beneath this menu for justice.

"¦together forever." Good. Longevity is more important than content. Relationships of less than, oh, six months are not deserving of respect and must not be validated.

"¦madly in love." Terrific. Let's ignore that 60% of the mad-in-love become the vitriolic-in-divorce. That's _their_ fault - marriage itself is blameless.

"¦beautiful home." Sweet. After all, what you see is what it is. Any couple with an ugly home should be forcibly divorced.

"¦homebodies." Exactly. When they're not shopping, real Americans stay home in front of the TV.

"¦monogamous." Damn right! Marriage is about entitlement, fear, jealousy, and maintaining a strangle hold on someone else's genitals, by any means necessary.

"¦tied the knot¦" Despite my sarcasm, I truly wish your friends well, and honestly hope they don't end up hanging from the rope of their copycat values.
For the record, I believe in equal rights and contributed to defeat Prop 8. I just keep hearing the old feminist wisecrack that for women to achieve equality with men would be a step down.

As a gay man, my American dream for LGTB people is to fearlessly pursue new ways of loving, living, and enriching our culture, not to embrace a pathetic, failed institution that originated in the enslavement of women and persists now as a Christofascist Disneyland for those who seek respectability at any price.

[Martee]

I think AMERICAN IDOL is to blame. People wonder why AI voters heap tons of votes on the contestants with GREAT VOICES -- even though they're awkward or plain and wouldn't make great rock stars. It's because people really believe it's a singing contest. They take their responsibilities seriously. The same with jury duty. Most people take it seriously and try to do a good job. And, I think the same is true with voting on Propositions -- generally, people try to do the "right" thing. And while I voted against Prop 8 because I thought it was a ludicrous deformation of our Constition and had became a referendum on equality -- I think we failed to connect the dots for people. We didn't break through. We didn't convince them that this was the right thing. Why something that has always been between and man and woman should suddenly change. Why adults should suddenly be allowed to play in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese -- or men should give birth to babies -- or men become nuns. I'm having a hard time coming up with something that would rub them in the same way -- because marriage is a strange and unique institution. Obviously, a lot of people don't see it just as a statement of love or a social contract. It's more than that. Hard to define. But until we make a cogent and persuasive argument, there are 51% of people who are reluctant to take that

[Martee]

I'm not sure sure D&E AREN'T married now. Prop 8 doesn't say anything about being retro-active. Certainly it means, for the time being, that the state will no longer recognize gay marriages -- but what happens to the people who have already been married? Interesting question. Vestiges of a golden moment when all California citizens were granted equal protection under the law -- until a Constitutional amendment strip them of that right. I hope it doesn't stand for long -- but these couples will serve as examples and reminders of our better selves -- what we could be -- and can be again.

[Badbone]

Jenny, do you really think that HALF THE POPULATION OF CALIFORNIA are "haters"? Do you honestly think that truly massive amount of people are just so full of H-A-T-E?

Is that really a reasonable position for you to take? Isn't it just the slightest bit of hyperbole to suggest that Californians rejecting gay marriage is putting us on the pathway to Nazi death camps?

I don't agree with Prop 8. But aren't we better served by understanding the other side, rather then calling them hatefull animals?

You've been insulted for your lifestyle, Jenny. And you've tried to let them know your position in a reasonable manner. Isn't it about time you let them do the same?

[BlackJAC]

Even if Prop Hate passes, it's not permanent. Prohibition wasn't permanent despite being a Constitutional law. Even here in Massachusetts, the fundies keep circulating petitions to ban gay marriage despite the state legislature saying it's here to stay. If those freakers won't give up, neither will you.

[Riverwolf]

Jenny, you"ve said it so well. Unfortunately, so many people are bound by fear, and they don"t even realize it. It isn"t so much a hatred of gay people as it is fear of what is unknown and the need for an enemy on which to blame all that they see wrong with the world.

[arachne646]

I'm a Christian woman who has been married for 28 years, with a grown son. I live in Canada, and when our Supreme Court decided a few years ago that the Charter of Rights and Freedoms included the right of same sex couples to marry equally as for opposite sex couples, my marriage was not harmed at all. Freedom of religion means that each church still decides its own standards for which couples it will marry, but all civil marriage commissioners must not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, disability, etc.

[Breakwind]

It's high time to leave gay people alone. I wouldn't want them prying into , or interfering with, my life choices.

[stopthemadnessLA]

Amen.

[Treehuggindirtworshiper]

Jenny, I love your post. You've said it all. I live in a hate state. (Missouri) I know several Lesbian couples and one couple with 3 boys just went to California a couple of weeks ago to get married. They are over the moon and so are their families. I'm proud to attend a church where sexual preference isn't an issue. My daughter said to me,"I think being gay is wrong". I said yeah, it's wrong for you because God didn't make you homosexual. She gets it now. I'd vote no if I lived in California. To all who can vote on this hate law, vote No! Send a message to the rest of this country that hate will not be tolerated. And for you Bible Thumpers... It's called The Word of God. Not the words of God. You can't pick and choose your verses to uphold your argument. If your going to quote scripture you'd better quote the whole thing.

[theaterdoc]

Thank you for this excellent piece! I live in California and vote NO on Prop 8. Recently, I had quite a painful argument with an ex-boyfriend. After we broke up he became what I have termed a rabid Christian, and he derided me for "not understanding the Word of God" and insisted that Jesus Christ would demand that people remain in man-woman marriages that are joyous, desperate, angst-ridden, it hardly matters (he himself seems to be in a deeply repressed marital relationship, but I digress). Of course I am profoundly relieved I myself didn't marry this man (in my defense I was young when I met him).
When I tried to argue that many Christians view the word of God with grace, humility, and a sense that they wish to follow the spirit of God's love rather than root for intolerance, my ex condemned me from the cavernous bowels of his own narrowness. It was truly painful.
Jenny, for political and (in my case) purely personal reasons, your post really helped. I feel healed from this encounter, and freed from the "what did I do wrong?" self-doubt that plagued me for many years regarding this relationship with a then-charismatic, now-woefully sad man.
Question for anyone who chooses to respond: can someone who so vigorously supports Prop 8 be happy, or are they simply defending a notion of what they feel props (no pun intended) them up through life?

[Pupadup4oBama]

You did nothing wrong.
Obviously this man is your ex for a reason. YOu were young, we've all had those men (or women) we wonder - huh? You live and learn - as evidenced by your story - he obviously did not live and learn.
As you said it - he is woefully sad- but I wonder, how will blaming gay people help his marriage?

Jenny, thank you for your post - I am bewildered why people care so much about what happens in other people's lives, bedrooms, homes, etc. They say they want less government, but then they vote on rulings that brings in MORE government.