Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Are In An Open Marriage. Maybe.

I'm mad about it. Not the fact that they're in one. Heck, I don't even know if it's true. They certainly didn't tell me personally about it. And it has long been rumored but never even close to being confirmed.

Until now.

At least so say the press reprinting the story from sea to shining sea. The news appears to be making the rounds. First through the British tabloids and now all over the web right here at home. I'm mad because celebs always get a free pass. Had sex with a prostitute? Abused too many illegal substances? Showed a little more than you should have when you got out of the limo? No worries. You're a celebrity.

I've waited this long to write about this because I kept thinking that Smith would make some sort of public statement about how it wasn't true. A press release handed out and reprinted everywhere. You know, because it would be presumed to be bad for his image. But there's been nothing.

Is he just ignoring it? Are they plotting their response? Or could it be that it's true and they aren't ashamed of it? If that's the case, I can't help but wonder what the public's response will be. Will they boycott his films? Demand refunds on their fan club memberships? Take to the streets with pitchforks and torches? Somehow I doubt it.
And that's what makes me mad.

Although, I have to admit, it also makes me really happy.

Nothing like a celebrity coming out to give credence to something otherwise considered impossible or unacceptable. It's a bold move. But I wonder too if it's a calculated one. Nothing like the big reveal to get people talking about you. And going to see your movies. And buying your actions figures. And, well, you get the idea. Not that I think Smith or his publicity machine got the info out there just to get attention. He already has that. I'm just curious about the timing and the lack of response from his camp.

I, of course, hope it means that the "alternative" status of open marriages will be reevaluated. If America's sweethearts are doing it, how bad can it possibly be? Sure, if they stomped on puppies or ate babies, it's highly unlikely that those things would become ok, let alone all the rage.

But celebs certainly do seem to have a "get out of jail free" card (at least eventually) both literally and figuratively when it comes to behavior that wouldn't otherwise be tolerated. And once it's deemed ok for them, it's one step closer to normalcy for the rest of us involved. (Think Ellen Degeneres, who certainly did a huge service to the GLBTQ community by coming out publicly.)

I'd like one of those cards. People can be so hateful. And I know they're really just sad or misunderstood or uninformed. But it's still tiresome when people lash out against people who live differently than they do. All of this leaves me wondering when we're going to cut our neighbors as much slack as we do the darlings of Hollywood.

Jenny Block
Author of Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage

www.jennyonthepage.com

Comments

[Triangle1]

How do we make a jump from an open heterosexual relationship to Ellen coming out of the closet? Anytime anything abnormal happens with straight people, they always bring up the gays. Sex with goats? Well the gays are having sex. Swinger's party? The gays are having sex. The American media market is so oversaturated with SEX that it surprises me anyone finds an open relationship worthy of gossip. It's very French. Living in a free country means you are able to spend your free time recreating with anyone you want, doing anything you choose. So long as it doesn't physically harm another citizen. No one likes to have someone else impose moral judgments on them. The key is consent by adults. You do your thing, I do mine.

[lilkunta]

2nd:What rumours were out about Jada's marriage? Ive never heard of any rumours since they married in Dec 97. I ve only read positive & happy thigns about them being a geat role model for other AfrAm & them lasting in hollyweird.

I do think that Jada/Will are tryna cover it. Will said that he spoke with Demi/Bruce & Nic/Tom about their lengthy marriages that ended is dic & that is why "we didnt have forsaking all others in our marriage vows". The Smiths didnt meet Nic/Tom nor Bruce Demi til AFTER they married. So if they decided to have sex with others fine, but say that you knew that & decided that going in. I dont like them attributing it to Nic/Tom 7 Demi/Bruce who they didnt meet til 3(Bruce) & 6(nic/tom) yrs later!
-Jada/Will met in Bruce when Bruce came 2 Will for advice on how Sheree gets along w Jada and Trey gets along w Jada. Will gave advice to Bruce that he should remain friends w Demi & embrace Ashton for it most important that his 3 daughters w Demi arent hurt or affected & dont resent mom Demi for her new husband.
-Jada met Tom in fall/Oct'3 for "Collateral".
The Smiths didnt meet Nic/Tom nor Bruce Demi til AFTER they married.

[lilkunta]

Jenny, when that lopez song came out a few years ago, what was it like for you ?
2: This is the 1st Ive ever heard of them having an open marriage. What rumours have been floating around for years?

[westend girl]

I think it's great that these guys have "come out" about their open relationship. I am always happy and inspired when anyone has the courage to share with people how they have been living their life, celebrity or otherwise. Sure, they might get an easier ride of it than the rest of us. They're celebrities, they can get away with anything; but at the same time ... they're um, celebrities! People would hound them regardless of this news.

Jenny and I are good examples of people living in open marriages that work. I'm a firm believer that an open marriage / relationship crumbling has a lot less to do with it being open than it does perhaps the simple fact that those people are either not right for each other, or haven't figured out how to communicate effectively. It's not about having as many sexual partners as you can find. It's about living your life in a strong, supportive partnership and having fun with it. Why does life have to be so serious all the time?

As lame as it might be for the rest of us in non LaLaLand to see celebrities come out with this news and have it be an "Oooh, aaah" piece for Entertainment Tonight, the truth is that it still takes courage and I think the Smiths deserve some props. Celebrities or not.

Samantha
http://notyourmothersplayground.wordpress.com

[OGWiseman]

A few points, Samantha. One, they (meaning Will and Jada) haven't come out. This is a rumor in a British Tabloid. The fact that they don't deny it doesn't make it true, so calm down. Second, it's convenient for you to think that when an open marriage falls apart, it wasn't because the people in it were having sex with other people. That said, your statement is such a sweeping generalization that it's not meaningful. I'm sure in some cases that's true, but I'm equally sure that in others it's not. Three, if Will and Jada are in an open marriage, I sincerely hope they never bring it into the open. This is not a moral judgment, it's a pragmatic one. I do believe that open marriages can work - FOR A VERY FEW PEOPLE. It is, however, an alternative lifestyle, and should not be legitimized. If that happens, plenty of relationships will end because of it. Most people are not equipped (too jealous, etc) for open marriages. You asked why life has to be so serious. It doesn't, but marriages do need to be taken seriously because the welfare of children is at stake.

[cinemaven]

If you need a celebrity to "come out" to legitimize your chosen lifestyle, maybe you need to re-evaluate your lifestyle.

Ellen DeGeneres coming out didn't legitimize the GLBTQ community, millions of people were happily living an "out" life and being accepted by their friends and family before she came out. When she came out, her show was cancelled and it was her talent, not her lifestyle that put her back on top. Comparing homosexuality to a desire to have sex with multiple partners from the safety of a lifetime commitment is disingenuous.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett being in an open marriage wouldn't convince me that open marriage is a great thing but that's mainly because I don't actually know of anyone who's made a success of an open marriage. I've been married for 28 years in a deliciously conventional marriage and we've seen friends and a family member go though hell because in each case, the open part of the marriage was only truly desired by one person in the marriage or they failed to disclose their agreement with their multiple partners and someone on the outside of their arrangement was hurt.

The fact that I've never seen it work in a practical sense doesn't mean it can't happen... but even Will Smith said in the UK mag interview that although they have an open marriage, they haven't yet gone outside their relationship...

[Wes Isley - Huffpost Blogger]

Cinemaven: I see your point about not needing Ellen to come out to "legitimize" things--however, her celebrity has helped in a very general way change the overall atmosphere for gays. Today she's an out lesbian with a top talk show. 10 years ago--never would've happened. Things have changed because of what she did.

But just because you don't know of any open marriages that work doesn't mean they're not out there. Just like GLBTQ relationships. For decades or longer, conservatives used tha same argument: "I don' t know any happy gays in relationships, so they don't exist and it must not be possible." That's never the case. Instead, the happy ones live under the radar.

So if Will and Jada are in an open marriage and it is working and they do become public about it--that totally would help others who are thinking of such an arrangement as well as those currently living under the radar.

[cinemaven]

Wes, unfortunately, the space limitations didn't allow for a lot of elaboration on the Ellen point. I do agree that her coming out began an important dialogue and made it so much easier for others to publicly come out. Maybe I was just lucky to have had good friends and family members who have never lived under the radar when it came to living their genuine lives.
.....
I have nothing against open marriages or any other arrangement two legally consenting adults want to pursue. I'm just gettin' old and have seen too many people try the open marriage route and then watched the damage as someone ended up getting hurt so I'm a bit jaded and don't think it's possible to have both a long term committed relationship AND as many sexual partners as you can find. If a friend came to me and let me know that she was in a happy and wonderful open relationship, I'd be very accepting but I'd also have a box of kleenex on hand just in case...

.... oh, and conservatives will ALWAYS use that argument. Ellen,Rosie or Neil Patrick Harris coming out won't make them open their eyes to anything they don't want to accept. Will Smith opening up on how open his second marriage is also won't make a conservative embrace that idea. :)