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Republicans Propose 'Infiniti Stimulus Package' for the Already Wealthy

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Washington, D.C. -- House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio introduced a Republican-backed stimulus package meant to counter one favored by Democrats and the White House. Unlike the Democrat-backed bill, the Republican stimulus package would be ultra-exclusive, amounting to $800 billion divided evenly among 20 rich white men.

"This is the stimulus package for the person who already has a stimulus package," Mr. Boehner said on the House floor while proposing the alternative bill. "That original package is their bank account and/or their income. This is on top of that. What do you give the man who has everything? More."

The Republican-backed package, dubbed the Infiniti Stimulus Package, provides no funding whatsoever for any aid programs for the poor or uninsured, no funds to be put towards infrastructure spending or renewable energy programs. In fact, the entirety of the bill's language is a two-column table -- the names of the 20 men in the left column, and the portion of the $800 billion each of them will receive in the right column. Each recipient would receive $40 billion under the plan.

"This package isn't for everybody," Boehner acknowledged. "In fact, it's very nearly for nobody. It's for these 20 guys. But it is what's best for America and for our economy. You want to talk about job creation? How about the thousands of servants that will be necessary once these guys receive their $40 billion stimulus checks? Now, that's what I call rapid job growth."

For more, visit The National Protrusion.com.