I have news for the 79 million baby boomers in America -- you're getting older, and you are no longer the "sex, drugs and rock and roll generation." You are the Viagra and "golden oldies" generation, and there are significant implications to this transformation.
Yours is the first generation that will live well into their 80's and beyond, and given your "free-love" heritage, sex will continue to be important well into your golden years.
My surveys of boomers reveal that 8 out of 10 men and 7 out of 10 women consider sex an important part of their lives. One woman, age 62, told me she found it inconceivable that having lived through the Woodstock years, she would give up her sexual freedom as her mom and grandmom did when approaching menopause.
Many boomers are divorced or otherwise single, and many of this group are "on the prowl." My research and that of AARP and others show single boomers want regular sexual activity.
But dating is problematic for those boomers who have been in long-term relationships. First, you often have a vision of the perfect partner, and at your age, that vision, frequently transformed by decades-out-dated fantasies and bi-focals, can lead to disappointment, and require a substantial adjustment in your expectations. More importantly, the rate of STDs among boomers has skyrocketed, as you were not programmed to be as careful as your kids.
Whether still married or single, boomers may say they still want to have sex, but they also admit that it's often disappearing or missing in their relationships. This is due to several factors. Some are less sexually capable, which can strain a marriage and be an embarrassment if dating. Others feel their partner's aging has, frankly, made them less appealing. And still others, especially women, claim they never liked sex, but rather thought of it as a means of procreation.
Fear not, fellow boomers. Regardless of your situation, if you were born lucky enough to be a boomer, I have some "Dr. Ruth-esque" advice that could not only power-boost your sex life, but life in general, well into the future:
The good news about my boomer research is that I found that you feel really good about your lives. You like looking back at what you've achieved, and you are looking forward to accomplishing more.
Now it's time for boomers to look inward and delve into under-explored parts of your lives. This means being open to new ways of looking at your sex lives too. And very importantly -- this is especially for the guys -- let's include close, intimate friendships. Intimate sharing with friends and lovers in one's later years often is even more important than it was when you were teenagers.
Boomers, in the end, are just like all of us. You don't only need sexual intimacy, you also need good friends with whom you can share your fears and hopes. It may be the only antidote to mortality.
Jerrold Shapiro, just a few years beyond boomerdom, is professor of counseling psychology at Santa Clara University and author of the new book, "Finding Meaning, Facing Fears, In the Autumn of Your Years (45-65)."
I have personally found people that understand and except my sexual needs and go out of their way to accommodate me. I in turn, return the favor. It's adult. It's fun, and it's life. I'm way too old to care about what others think, but young enough to care about my partners needs. It's all good.
Here is the reality: (from National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior)
"Beginning in the cohort in their 30s, increasing proportions of women reported having no vaginal intercourse during the previous year; this was the case for approximately.........one-half of women ages 50-59, and ultimately nearly four-fifths of women ages 70 years and older."
Now, this is based on panel data of 5,000 plus individuals. Survey was done March-May 2010. This is probably the most extensive survey since Kinsey.
So, there is a disconnect here. What people are saying they want vs what is actually going on is dramatically different. If 7 out 10 women say sex is so important, then why have 50% had no intercourse in the past year?
Btw, vaginal intercourse for men in their 50s was around 57% according to the survey.
The numbers do not add up Doc. Either your data is wrong or NSSHB. Both cannot be correct.
Where is the truth?
I think that all these people miss the point -- and that is -- drum-roll -- that sex can be fun if you make it fun. You can only make it fun if you are willing to be fun. That means putting the same effort into sex that you do on your gold game or obsessing over your retirement savings and portfolio
This is a lesson I think for women and men. If you have to spend days and hours planning vacations, group activities .. whatever floats your boat -- for them to be fun and "successful", however you define it -- your should be willing to spend the same on sex . If you aren't, then you don't really care about sex, and you should do everyone a favor by admitting that you don't to people who view you as a potential partner, and, even more importantly, to yourself.
I just do not understand what point is served when people try to deny the obvious. We keep reading these BS pieces about women "having their best sex ever after 50......." when the data show 50% have not had sex (intercourse) in over a year!!!!
I really do not believe a lot of women care much about sex after a certain age. Why? Who knows the real reason(s). Does it really matter? Life is just to short to even bother...
Just find a woman that IS interested. That's was my solution.