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Jerry Adler
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Jerry Adler was a writer and editor at Newsweek for nearly 30 years and wrote more than 120 cover stories in every section of the magazine. He has also written for many magazines including The New Yorker, New York, Wired, Smithsonian and Esquire, two books and the 2009 PBS documentary Medal of Honor. In 2009 he originated Newsverse at Newsweek.com, a weekly satirical poem about politics and (occasionally) life. Archives of Newsverse and a link to Newsverse on The Rachel Maddow Show may be found at: http://jerryadlersnewsverse.com/

Entries by Jerry Adler

The Trolley Problem Reconsidered

(0) Comments | Posted January 11, 2014 | 2:48 PM

The trolley's speeding, clackety-click
The motorman's asleep.
The rails are icy, wet and slick
The downhill grade is steep.

It's heading for a grisly fate.
The scene is stark and graphic--
Just beyond the crossing gate
A schoolbus, stuck in traffic!

It's...

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Greetings, Friends

(0) Comments | Posted December 23, 2013 | 6:55 AM

Welcome, friends and lovers all
To the Newsverse Christmas ball
Hop a bus or Citibike
Grab a cab or hitch a hike
There'll be lots of caviar
The Rolling Stones, an open bar,
Pills and drugs, so get here pronto
Rob...

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Bob Filner Presents the Keys to the City to Mother Teresa

(0) Comments | Posted August 16, 2013 | 4:13 PM

A 67-year-old great-grandmother who worked in the city's Senior Citizens Service Desk accused San Diego Mayor Bob Filner of sexual harassment.


It really is a pleasure and a privilege to present you
The key to our city, signifying the extent you
Are loved...

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Hoodie Two-Shoes

(1) Comments | Posted July 18, 2013 | 5:24 PM

"A hoodie ... is what's worn by a whole lot of thugs. Look in the newspapers, online or on television: you see a lot of guys in the mugshots wearing hoodies."--Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen, defending racial profiling

Listen up, you teenaged nudniks
Here's advice worth knowin'

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The War on Coal

(0) Comments | Posted June 27, 2013 | 5:18 PM

"President Obama launched a war on coal in his climate-change action plan..." Forbes

Four hundred million years ago
In the late Devonian
Sunlight's energetic glow
Made the trees and forests grow
Rank and Amazonian.

Uprooted in some primal flood
Twig and branch and...

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Connect the Dots

(0) Comments | Posted June 11, 2013 | 12:57 PM

Infidels, die! Allah is great!
Do you think that might be tempting fate
To tweet or text or say out loud
Here beneath the Google Cloud,
The big computer in the sky
In which all subversive thought
By an algorithm caught,
Is nullified...

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Heckuva Job, Bushie

(0) Comments | Posted April 30, 2013 | 6:55 PM

"The Bush administration had seven years after 9/11, no successful attacks on the United States"--Charles Krauthammer on George W. Bush, whose approval ratings have climbed to 47 percent since leaving office.

How I miss his steady hand
That kept the ship of state afloat
In cowboy...

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Clownsourcing

(0) Comments | Posted April 22, 2013 | 6:19 PM

You see that dark-skinned fellow with the jacket and the beard?
He stood there for a minute and then kind of disappeared.
He looked all kind of nervous and something just seemed weird.

At first I saw him walking fast and then he kind of slowed
He...

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Crimes and Misdemeanors Against Nature

(0) Comments | Posted April 11, 2013 | 7:49 AM

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli has challenged a recent court ruling finding Virginia's anti-sodomy law unconstitutional ... A three-judge panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 4th Circuit ruled on March 12 that Virginia's "Crimes Against Nature" statute, which banned oral and anal sex, violates the due process...
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The Second Coming

(0) Comments | Posted April 2, 2013 | 2:13 PM

Roughly half of Christians in the U.S. say they believe that Christ will definitely or probably return to earth in the next 40 years--Pew Research Center

Now living in the End of Times
We sinners all scared shitless
Ask not for whom the doorbell chimes.
...

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The Bergoglio Imbroglio

(0) Comments | Posted March 19, 2013 | 2:59 PM

In the room the cardinals come and go
Watched by Michelangelo.
Preceding Bergoglio:
Simplicius and Symmachus
Pelagius, Sisinnius
Liberius, Hilarius.

(That's not a joke.) Gelasius.
(Or Saint Pistachio.)

Five of them were Sixtuses
Six of them were Pauls

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The Year of the Snake

(0) Comments | Posted March 14, 2013 | 5:38 PM

"The most populated nation on Earth is building houses, districts and cities with no one in them ... desolate condos and vacant subdivisions uninhabited for miles and miles and miles and miles."
--Lesley Stahl, 60 Minutes


Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble
Empty towers midst the...

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All Aboard the SS Sequester

(0) Comments | Posted March 5, 2013 | 11:49 AM

With the Dow Jones Industrial average flirting with a record high, the split between American workers and the companies that employ them is widening and could worsen in the next few months as federal budget cuts take hold.--The
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My Davos Twitter Feeds

(0) Comments | Posted January 30, 2013 | 3:53 PM

Greetings from the land of Davos!
Please, friends, hold the cheers and bravos.
I'm just another humble Tweeter
Having drinks with Derek Jeter
Couldn't ask for someone sweeter.
Except of course Melinda Gates.
Some Arab prince, maybe Kuwait's,
Is holding forth on interest...

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Mitt Romney's Inaugural Poem: 'My Sun'

(0) Comments | Posted January 22, 2013 | 8:19 AM

One sun rose on us today thanks to the efforts of
the job creators among us who didn't wait
around for the government to raise the sun,
Not like some who just want things
from the solar system.
Who think the sun
...

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Lance Armstrong Confesses

(0) Comments | Posted January 8, 2013 | 9:51 AM

Lance Armstrong, who was stripped of his seven first-place finishes in the Tour de France after an investigation found him guilty of cheating, is said to be weighing a public admission of his drug use. Armstrong is said to have made as much as $20...

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Greetings, Fiends!

(0) Comments | Posted December 28, 2012 | 11:00 AM

(Apologies to Roger Angell and Ian Frazier)

Our weary planet's never-ending
Trip around the Sun, now trending
Toward its yearly consummation
Beckons us to contemplation.
And ere we start another journey,
Roll 2012 out on a gurney,
Pause a moment...

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A History of the World in Rolling Stones Concerts

(3) Comments | Posted December 20, 2012 | 5:27 PM

Eleven years after the benefit concert in response to the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks was held at Madison Square Garden, many of the same top musicians came together to raise money for those suffering from Superstorm Sandy, including Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Billy Joel, The Who, Eric...

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Mayan Mia

(0) Comments | Posted December 17, 2012 | 9:45 AM

Hurricanes and fiscal cliffs
Portending the apocalypse
Predicted in the Mayan glyphs
Or the one in Revelation --

If you're not among those tapped for
Heaven, at least you might capture
A picture of the coming Rapture
And tweet it to the nation.

...
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The Disabled States of America

(0) Comments | Posted December 10, 2012 | 1:49 PM

"I applaud the Senate for preserving our sovereignty." -- Sen. Mike Lee (R-Utah), after the Senate voted down a United Nations treaty on disability rights

The glockenspiels and tubas of the UN marching band
Whose members all are wearing hearing aids
Descending in their wheelchairs on...

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