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Jerry Zezima
Jerry Zezima writes a humor column for his hometown paper, The Stamford Advocate in Connecticut. His column is distributed by the McClatchy-Tribune News Service and has run in newspapers across the country and around the world.

Mr. Zezima is the author of two books: "Leave It to Boomer" and "The Empty Nest Chronicles."

As a chilling example of just how low journalistic standards have sunk in this country, he has won many awards, including seven Excellence in Journalism Awards for Humorous Writing from the Society of the Silurians, which is based in New York City and is the oldest press club in the United States, and four awards for humorous writing from the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.

Mr. Zezima also has written for such magazines as Reader’s Digest and Family Circle. He has written and recorded humorous commentaries for such public radio programs as "Marketplace" and "All Things Considered." He has done funny reported segments for WLIW of Long Island, N.Y., one of America’s largest public television stations, and he has been interviewed on "CBS News Sunday Morning."

Mr. Zezima is a popular public speaker in the New York metropolitan area and has performed stand-up acts at comedy clubs in Manhattan.

He even has a blog:

Mr. Zezima lives on Long Island with his wife, Sue. They have two daughters, one grandchild, a couple of cats and many creditors.

Mr. Zezima has no interesting hobbies.

Entries by Jerry Zezima

'Mr. Zezima Goes Back to Washington'

(4) Comments | Posted July 10, 2014 | 10:24 AM

Before my recent visit to Washington, D.C., a town populated by clueless people, so one more wouldn't hurt, I had been in the nation's capital twice -- once on purpose.

The other time, I took a wrong turn off the highway, found myself in Washington and promptly got lost. Because...

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"Cool Customers"

(0) Comments | Posted June 24, 2014 | 7:17 AM

By Jerry Zezima

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the family room. Or, even better, buy a new air conditioner.

That's what my wife, Sue, and I did recently because the old air conditioner, which was in a wall sleeve in the family room when we moved...

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"Talking the Talk"

(0) Comments | Posted June 10, 2014 | 7:47 AM

By Jerry Zezima

When I was about 12 years old, my father and I had The Talk. It was such a traumatic experience that I remember only two things about it:

First, my father told me that what the birds and the bees did (though not with each other) was...

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"Miles to Go Before It Sleeps"

(0) Comments | Posted May 27, 2014 | 7:37 AM

By Jerry Zezima

Any motorist knows that the best way to ensure longevity is to regularly check your parts, monitor your fluids and make sure your undercarriage is clean.

You should do the same for your car.

That's why I am happy but not surprised that my sport utility vehicle...

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"Par for the Course"

(0) Comments | Posted May 13, 2014 | 7:13 AM

By Jerry Zezima

As a guy who has always loved Mark Twain's definition of golf as "a good walk spoiled," I had never aspired to be the next Tiger Woods, either on or off the course, which is why I'm not rich but am, fortunately, still married.

But lately, at...

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'Grandfather's Security System'

(0) Comments | Posted April 30, 2014 | 9:19 AM

When my two daughters were just starting to toddle -- a means of locomotion that, in my case, has often involved beer -- my wife, Sue, and I had to install latches and locks on the drawers and doors of our kitchen cabinets so the girls couldn't open them and...

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The Hole Truth

(8) Comments | Posted April 22, 2014 | 8:30 AM

I am not a Rhodes Scholar because I have holes in my head, but I recently became a roads scholar because I learned how to patch holes in a road despite being suspended after only 10 minutes on the job.

I earned my street smarts with the help of a...

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A Twin-Win Situation

(2) Comments | Posted April 7, 2014 | 7:00 AM

In the year since my precious little granddaughter was born, during which time she has become smarter and more mature than I am, even though I am constantly telling her stupid jokes and acting more like an infant than she is, I have said that Chloe is twice as beautiful...

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"The Pun and Only"

(0) Comments | Posted March 18, 2014 | 7:50 AM

By Jerry Zezima

As a guy who has always loved puns, and has been known to use as many as 10 at a time (even if they don't work, I can say, "No pun in 10 did"), I had long looked for a venue where my wordplay would be ear...

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"The Lord of the Rungs"

(2) Comments | Posted March 5, 2014 | 6:32 AM

By Jerry Zezima

I have never climbed the corporate ladder because I have acrophobia, which is an irrational fear of being any higher off the ground than the top of my head.

But business must be booming for millions of guys who aren't afraid of climbing to the tops of...

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'Mighty Jerry Has Struck Out'

(4) Comments | Posted February 19, 2014 | 7:47 AM

If you don't see me in spring training, hitting baseballs over the fence and signing autographs for adoring fans, it will be because I was recently on steroids, which unfortunately did nothing to help me hit baseballs over the fence and explains why nobody wants my autograph.

My dream of...

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'Say It Ain't Snow'

(4) Comments | Posted February 5, 2014 | 8:37 AM

Because I am a flake, and have been perpetrating snow jobs my whole life, I appreciate the wonders of winter.

The two things I wonder most about winter are: Why do some people throw away their snow shovels every year and have to buy new ones? And why do these...

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The Big 6-Oh

(4) Comments | Posted January 22, 2014 | 6:40 AM

According to an age-old maxim that has never appeared in Maxim, the racy men's magazine whose target audience is not exactly geezers like me, age is relative, especially if you have old relatives.

I am one of the oldest relatives in my family, not counting those who are dead, and...

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"They've Got My Number"

(2) Comments | Posted January 13, 2014 | 6:34 AM

Not many people know this, because I just made it up, but when Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call, to his assistant, Thomas Watson, and said, "Watson, come here, I want you," he heard a voice on the other end say, "This isn't Watson. You have the wrong...

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"Breakfast at Zezima's"

(2) Comments | Posted December 26, 2013 | 12:00 PM

By Jerry Zezima

Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore. But the greatest beverage in the history of mankind, which guys often use to hook up with womankind, is the perfect accompaniment to the first meal of the day.

I found this out after making a recipe for Scotch Egg,...

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"Christmas Letter 2013"

(14) Comments | Posted December 12, 2013 | 6:27 AM

By Jerry Zezima

Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spirits are in me), I have decided to follow in that great tradition of boring everyone silly by writing a...

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"Hit Me With Your Best Shot"

(6) Comments | Posted November 29, 2013 | 7:09 AM

By Jerry Zezima

I am a geezer who believes that being healthy is nothing to sneeze at. I also believe that preventive medicine can be a real shot in the arm. That's why I recently got a flu vaccine.

Yes, it took a little needling, but it didn't hurt at...

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"Do the Right Bling"

(8) Comments | Posted November 13, 2013 | 7:11 AM

By Jerry Zezima

As a guy whose only piece of jewelry is a wedding ring that I got 35 years ago and who thinks karats are what rabbits eat, I have never believed that it don't mean a thing if you ain't got that bling.

Now, however, I have a...

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"Princely Postcard"

(10) Comments | Posted October 30, 2013 | 7:16 AM

By Jerry Zezima

It would not be classic British understatement to say that Prince Charles and I have a lot in common.

For one thing, as my wife, Sue, would attest, we both spend an inordinate amount of time on the throne.

For another, Charles and I are first-time grandfathers.

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"Scents and Sensibility"

(6) Comments | Posted October 16, 2013 | 7:12 AM

By Jerry Zezima

For nearly three decades, my loyal, intelligent and, let's face it, masochistic readers have said that I stink. This time, they're right.

That's because, in a display of gluttony that did not, unfortunately, take my breath away, I participated in a garlic-eating contest.

This pungent event was...

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