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Jess Wilson

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Brave?

Posted: 09/06/2012 4:07 pm

**

A few weeks ago, John Kinnear wrote a wonderful letter on HuffPost entitled "Dear Hypothetically Gay Son." In that letter, he made it very clear that if he were to have a son, and if said son were to be gay, he would continue to love, support and accept him just as he would if he were (hypothetically) straight.


He talked about how he'd need a little time to become educated so that he could help guide him and teach him about sex. (I loved that part.) He told him how proud he was of him and how he didn't view him as any different than he did before he knew he was gay. He even talked about how all the rules that had applied to having female visitors in the house now applied to male. Good stuff.

And then he told his (hypothetical) son to view the letter as a contract. That sentence, that concept, struck a chord.

John had written his letter as a response. Earlier that week, another letter -- a very, very different kind of letter -- had made its way around the Internet. The first letter was horrifying. It was written by a father who had disowned his (not hypothetically) gay son because he was gay. It was toxic. It was heartbreaking. John's letter was its antithesis. And it was beautiful.

I posted the link to John's letter on my blog's Facebook page. Responses came in quickly, applauding John for being the kind of father that the other man was not. Readers praised him for expressing his (hypothetical) unconditional love, to which I shouted a hearty 'Amen.' They cited his (hypothetical) acceptance, to which I raised my glass. They lauded him for his bravery. At which I bristled.

As much as I, too, applaud John for writing the letter, and as much as I found it pitch-perfect in its tenor and its content, I just couldn't swallow 'brave.'

Perhaps I'm being unfair. Maybe it's just that I'm reading -- as I always do -- through the filter of my own experience as a mother.

I am the mother of two delicious tween girls. One just started middle school and the other just began fourth grade. (For the record, I have no idea if they are gay, straight or somewhere in between, nor do I particularly care.) But one of them is autistic. And I have been called brave for accepting her as she is. For loving her as she is. For fighting for her rather than against a piece of her. For embracing all of who she is.

And I am brave. For lots of reasons. For taking on legislators. For calling out liars. For singing along to country songs in my convertible with the top down. But for loving my daughter? For accepting her, supporting her, seeing her as perfect and whole and beautiful and capable (and autistic)? To my mind, none of those things make me brave. They make me her mother.

When we become parents -- no matter how we become parents, we enter into life's most sacred contract. One drawn in blood and signed with the enormity of all that *is* life. And I believe with all my heart that it is a pact with God -- or Mother Nature or the Universe or Whatever or Whomever we believe is the Ultimate Creator -- to protect and to love and to cherish and to hold more precious than anything else this fledgling person in his or her totality. 

The contract is short. It is concise. It does not contain a single modifier, not one qualification, not one if/then amendment. It is simply a pledge to love, to cherish and to guide this tiny human being -- this ultimate gift -- to self-actualization.

The human spectrum is far too vast to wrangle with our desperately limited imaginations. People come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. They come traditionally pretty and they come painfully disfigured. They come male and they come female and they come transgendered and gender queer. They come with athletic prowess and they come with two left feet. Sometimes they come needing prosthetic feet. They come with genetic mutations and they come with physical challenges and they come with neurological differences. They come wired for words and they come with no easily discernible method of communication. They come gay and they come straight and they come everything in between. They come socially adept and they come socially awkward. They come brilliant and they come intellectually challenged. Sometimes they come intellectually challenged and brilliant. They come as they come. And when we become parents, they come to us. For life.

When we sign the contract, we enter without condition into the sacred pact to care for them, love them and guide them -- whomever they may turn out to be.

Because, at least for me, parental love is -- MUST BE -- the purest love there is on Earth. A surrogate for that of our Creator. A love without qualification or exception. And above all, a love that would laugh at being called brave just for seeing past difference.

~


Ed note: To be clear, I do not mean to imply that homosexuality is a disability in any way, shape, nor form. The parallel that I draw here is used only to describe the filter through which I read John's wonderful letter -- a filter that just happens to give me some idea of what it is to parent a child who might be different from the one we envisioned.

~


Jess can be found on her blog, Diary of a Mom and its accompanying Facebook page where she writes about life with her husband, Luau and their two daughters, Katie and Brooke.

 

Follow Jess Wilson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/diaryofamom

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05:38 PM on 10/18/2012
Beautiful post. I LOVED the original letter. But I agree with you. I wouldn't consider it BRAVE. I have 3 children. I love them dearly. And I've made it very clear to them that I will ALWAYS love them. No matter what they do. No matter what they say. No matter what they "become". There is NOTHING they will ever do to make me stop loving them. Because I'm their mom. And the day they were born I agreed to be the best parent I could be. They never agreed to be the best child. I prayed for them and wanted them to be born. They never ASKED to be born. *I* did that. And it's my responsibility to always be here for them. And I will.
So yes, while I LOVED the letter and think he deserves all of the amazing attention he's been getting, I'm with you, I wouldn't consider it Brave. Heartwarming. Heartfelt. Inspirational. Loving. Honest. Yes. But Brave. No.
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HorsesHeadsInPeoplesBeds
12:03 PM on 09/08/2012
"And I am brave. For lots of reasons. For taking on legislators. For calling out liars. For singing along to country songs in my convertible with the top down. But for loving my daughter? For accepting her, supporting her, seeing her as perfect and whole and beautiful and capable (and autistic)? To my mind, none of those things make me brave. They make me her mother."

WELL said.

I would say I think that it takes no bravery to love one's child no matter what. Accepting them is a different matter. With homosexuality, love can be expressed in condemnation because of fear of losing the child to eternal torment. It's also brave in some ways - as it is brave for many to force a child to face their addiction to drugs. While trying to save the child, you ultimately you might lose them.

Of course, as an LGBT man myself...although I can understand that as love, and in some senses bravery, I also see it as being the product of a lack of self-analysis...of real, hard self-criticism. Therefore, I do tend to see those who actually do accept their children, in the end, as the "truly brave" and argue that IS brave because you have to toss out the rule book...you are responsible for not being TOLD good and bad...but learning how to RECOGNIZE it.

Nothing is more brave than trying to figure it out on your own.
07:25 AM on 09/08/2012
I love your letter Jess ! Well said...
11:37 PM on 09/07/2012
I can also say that being a mom of a beautiful and amazing 3 1/2 year old is unconditional. There are no conditions, it is love. I do what every I can to help my daughter who was diagnosed at 2 years with autism. The medical diagnosis was on the the spectrum and having a vestibular disorder. I found some great information online about this: Most children with autism live with sensory issues. However, children who show signs of sensory integration disorder do not necessarily have autism. The latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) associates sensory impairment with autism spectrum disorders. While association makes integration dysfunction a vital concern for parents, its presence doesn’t diagnose autism. Many individuals have problems with sensory integration

My daughter is still clumsy, but doing much better with occupational therapy. At times she has almost lost her balance. I also see her now putting her fingers in each ear. In the past she was twirling and looking to the side. Each day is different, but as you mentioned there is a contract. Mine is unwritten and forever understood.

Read more at Suite101: Signs of Sensory Processing Disorder in the Vestibular System | Suite101.com http://suite101.com/article/signs-of-sensory-processing-disorder-in-the-vestibular-system-a329007#ixzz25nnxv2he
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Bill J4321
12:42 PM on 09/07/2012
I agree with you.

I said as much in the comment section here at HuffPo as was skewered for it. But I stand by it.

There is nothing 'brave' about doing your job. IT'S YOUR JOB.

As a parent, our job is to do everything that we can to assure our children safely becoming who they are.

I see nothing brave about telling your child that you'll still love them even if they aren't who you'd have liked them to be. It's your duty as a parent to love your child. Your duty.

And I don't think any of us deserve pats on the back for doing the work we agreed to do.
12:13 PM on 09/07/2012
This message; this simple, pure message, Jess...it just makes perfect sense.

"When we sign the contract, we enter without condition into the sacred pact to care for them, love them and guide them -- whomever they may turn out to be.

Because, at least for me, parental love is -- MUST BE -- the purest love there is on Earth. A surrogate for that of our Creator. A love without qualification or exception. And above all, a love that would laugh at being called brave just for seeing past difference."

Yes, yes, and yes.
11:49 AM on 09/07/2012
Jess, I respectfully disagree with you. Too many of us - gay, straight, black, white, whatever - have grown up the children of parents who did NOT love us unconditionally, which have left us with deep & lasting emotional & psychological trauma. The very act of loving, of trusting someone else enough to open our defenses & allow ourselves to love someone else, does in fact represent an act of bravery.

I am 37 years old, thrown out of my home at 17 because I came out to my parents & forced to sell myself on the streets in order to survive. To this day, the hardest thing for me to do, is to love someone else - not because I do not love or respect myself (I've come far too far & achieved much too much not to respect myself), but because in order to love someone, I have to leave myself vulnerable to the possibility of rejection.

So, yes, loving someone unconditionally is an act of bravery & I salute all of the people out there who can indeed do so without a struggle. It gives me hope for myself.
09:17 PM on 09/07/2012
stories like this break my heart. i'm so, so sorry that you grew up without the unconditional love that every single human being so fundamentally deserves from his or her parents. and yes, i agree that loving another person unconditionally is an act of bravery (as is coming out and living your truth in the face of bigotry and ignorance), but i still believe that doesn't apply to one's own child. that's simply the job of parenting. and from the bottom of my heart i'm sorry that your parents didn't see it that way. Hang on to hope - i don't doubt that it will take you to some amazing places. hugs.
11:09 AM on 09/07/2012
Thank you as always for expressing so beautifully and perfectly the feelings I could not put into words. As one other comment noted, I have always felt like there is some response that was needed to people saying to me... "I don't know how you do it". "What a great thing you do every day".. No, not a great thing, just a little thing with great love. I would not have it any other way. Unfortunately, it seems that unconditional love has become an old-fashioned idea. I hope that changes soon, but until then, just call me an old-fashioned girl :)
10:44 AM on 09/07/2012
This is so true. I think when other parents are commenting on your bravery it's more about them. Their fear of having a child with disabilities. They think of you as extraordinary because they don't ever want to be you or any other parent with a child that is different. When people tell me that I'm brave I tell them they would do exactly the same thing, they just don't know it yet...
10:03 AM on 09/07/2012
I need to tell you that the message of loving and accepting our autistic children just as they are is such an important one and you always do it beautifully. But, remembering to broaden the tent to fit everyone who is pushed to the margins and not just those groups that effect our day to day life can be easy to forget for so many. As a lesbian, as a mother of a perfect as he is autistic boy I want you to know how much I always appreciate that when you speak of inclusion you link it to so much more than just autism. Thanks for all you continue to do so well and so bravely, Jess.
11:42 AM on 09/07/2012
this means the world to me. thank you, from the bottom of my heart. the tent is wide and all are welcomed and celebrated beneath it - if not, it ain't no tent at all. ;)
08:29 AM on 09/07/2012
beautifully written. i feel the same way. loving my autistic son? easy. walking through the gauntlet of ignorant stares in a public place? brave? maybe.
08:09 AM on 09/07/2012
If only all parents saw things this way. I may not always agree with every choice my children make but I could never love them any less and as long as they are in my care (and probably long after), I will do whatever I can to help make their lives easier and better and to make them stronger. That's my job. That's what I signed up for. I wouldn't have it any other way. It didn't matter what kind of child I got.
07:26 AM on 09/07/2012
Your words always move me. I am often smiling with tears forming in my eyes.
Thank you for the beautiful message!
07:16 AM on 09/07/2012
This post resonates with me, as do most of your writings. I love the way you acknowledged that you are brave, there are scary/tough things that you choose to do as part of the parenting package, but the actual parenting? It's what we signed up for. I also liked the contract comment, it made me think of the marriage contract. Except when we get married, we usually know more about the person we are marrying, strengths and not-strengths, than we do about the child we are gifted with. And God makes it easier to give unconditional love to our children (in most cases) than to our spouse or other personally chosen people in our life.
06:59 AM on 09/07/2012
Just perfect.