'Coach' and 'Uncle' as Perverts: Susan Sarandon and Two Brave Actors Make Scary Commercials
I went downtown to a recording studio to watch Susan Sarandon tape voice-overs for some public service announcements not because I have a shallow male appreciation for her -- ok, that too -- but because I didn't believe she'd show up.
She wouldn't have been the first to bail.
The vast majority of the actors who survived the first audition for these PSAs decided not to return for the second.
They all had the same reason: these commercials could end a career.
What was ground-breaking about these spots for Darkness2Light?
Because "Uncle Al" and "Coach Sanders" -- click to watch them -- aren't the usual commercials made by an organization committed to preventing the sexual abuse of children.
That is, they don't just state the facts and offer a solution: "Before her 18th birthday, one out of every four American girls will be sexually abused. Before his 18th birthday, one out of every six American boys will be sexually abused. Add in the adult population of men and women who have been sexually assaulted, and you get 40 million Americans. At Darkness2Light, we can teach adults to recognize the signs of childhood sexual abuse -- and stop someone before they hurt a child..."
That's the traditional approach: "feel good" media about a "feel bad" issue.
This time out, D2L showcased two actors who portrayed child abusers.
They're white. Known. Respected. Clearly heterosexual. The kind of men you unthinkingly trust with your kids.
Unfair? Statistics show that 90% of child abusers are guys. 75% are white, and yes, 90% are trusted by the kid and/or the family.
But, yeah, shocking. Real life scary stuff. And delivered without sweeteners. The actors -- looking right into the camera -- tell you how they betray your trust every chance they get.
The new D2L public service announcements have been running on CNN and Lifetime. They got noticed -- fast. Last week E! Entertainment Television named "Uncle Al" the clip of the week.
I was curious about civilian reaction to the PSA, and because I serve on the advisory board of D2L, I was able to find out.
Many wrote in to say they were offended by these spots. Samples:
White males are the only ethnic group that is not offered any protection from your derogatory crap -- you won't accuse any other racial group because you are afraid of the backlash it would cause. We see your agenda and it is not protecting children.
Your campaign will make every American mother fear every man they know, from their husbands to their fathers, brothers and neighbors.
As a loving uncle I find your TV ad disgusting and insulting.
And my favorite, from a man named Al:
I'll be contacting my lawyer to begin a class action lawsuit against you. It will be no contest. Every time you actually use a name in your commercials you'll get a new suit. I'm sure I'll have no problem signing many 'Uncle Als' on.
The positive reaction was equally emotional. A mother watched with her "startled" teen sons and hoped the D2L training programs would come to her city. A man wondered "if there is any way to get an amendment to the constitution that protects the rights of children -- they have none." And many were grateful for the statement of the obvious: This really does happen close to home.
"Outrage is a cousin to denial," D2L founder Anne Lee told me. "We appreciate that some people are offended and outraged. We're not saying that the majority of coaches, teachers, counselors, ministers, and family members are abusing children -- but too many of them are. So don't be angry at the courageous actors who portrayed those perpetrators, or at us for talking about it. Be angry at the reality of child sexual abuse, and then do something about it."
The D2L approach begins by shattering conventional wisdom -- D2L believes that the first step in stopping childhood sexual abuse is removing responsibility from the child. The kid has no power; saying "bad touch" isn't likely to deter any adult determined to do wrong. So D2L trains adults in organizations -- schools, churches, clubs, sports groups -- to recognize the signs and intelligently intervene. In 4 years, it's trained more than 160,000 adults. By its calculations, it's better protected 1.6 million kids.
And that, in the end, is why Susan Sarandon showed up. Not just because she's a good-hearted soul who lends her voice to worthy causes, but because she's the eldest of nine children -- she'd seen a lot, she'd heard some stories. And she knows, as D2L does, that a soothing, recognizable voice delivering harsh news can be the most effective wake-up call of all.
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First, I love these spots. They're surprising, engaging, and really, really creepy.
Second, as a Dad I know that I look at everybody as a possible molester. A single man moves into the house across the street--must be a molestor. A car is parked in front of the house too long--must be a molestor.
Kids today can't play outside by themselves or even in groups. We drive them everywhere, meet them at the bus station, and have constant contact through cell phones.
Are there more perverts out there today than when we were kids?
Are we doing the right thing?
Or, are we stunting this generation's growth by keeping them on such a short lead?
I don't know.
I appreciate these questions. i do not have kids of my own. I share the joys of my friends' children. It is tough to be out anywhere these days. I see a little girl smile watching a butterfly. It's a beautiful thing. But, is someone watching me and thinking I must be a molestor? Should I just turn away and scorn children I don't know? A young boy stopped me and said his mother hadn't picked him up yet from the movie. I asked his number and dialed it on my cell phone. He spoke to her and she was on her way. I like to think that there are more good stories and more "real love" for children than the sick sexual and sometimes violent displays we see too often these days on the evening news.
Voltage, it might not be a bad idea for you to get more information from D2L as it also is not healthy to spend an inordinate amount of time focused and obsessing about every single person and situation that may cause harm to your children.
Short leashes usually lead to wild dogs. It tends to bring out the rebellious and self destrutive nature of us humans.
Also, would Kornbluth feel the same way if it was "Uncle Jesse?"
"We're not saying that the majority of coaches, teachers, counselors, ministers, and family members are abusing children -- but too many of them are. So don't be angry at the courageous actors who portrayed those perpetrators, or at us for talking about it. Be angry at the reality of child sexual abuse, and then do something about it."
"We're not saying that the majority of black men are criminals - but too many of them are."
"We're not saying that the majority of muslims are terrorists - but too many of them are."
"We're not saying that the majority of women commit infanticide - but too many of them do."
Its a fact that molesters try to get these positions to be closer to children. It does not mean that all coaches etc are child molester........far from it. But everyone should keep an eye out for unusual behavior.
"We appreciate that some people are offended and outraged. We're not saying that the majority of coaches, teachers, counselors, ministers, and family members are abusing children -- but too many of them are."
Her point was that while they aren't saying that the majority of people in these classes are molesters, they ARE saying that the majority of molesters are in these classes.
That point may also be wrong, but in order to draw a parallel, you need to use:
"We're not saying that the majority of black men are criminals, but the majority of criminals are black men."
"We're not saying that the majority of Muslims are terrorists, but the majority of terrorists are Muslims."
"We're not saying that the majority of women commit infanticide, but most of the people who commit infanticide are women."
Those points may also be wrong, but they are not wrong on anywhere near the same level.
"Her point was that while they aren't saying that the majority of people in these classes are molesters, they ARE saying that the majority of molesters are in these classes.
That point may also be wrong, but in order to draw a parallel, you need to use:"
I just used the "structure" that she herself used. It's profiling, plain and simple, and it can often cause innocent people to be ruined or even convicted. (This is the type of accusation that even if proven untrue, can still do plenty of damage. Again, this is not a trivial concern. When Oklahoma City was bombed, the first theory was that it was Islamic terrorists. Similarly, before the truth about the Paul Bernardo/ Karla Homolka murders in Canada came to light, many assumed that the murders were by a single white male.
By all means, tell kids to be vigilant. But having them be afraid of everyone is just cruel to both the children and people who might be accused.
As well, what I find offensive is the woman saying that instead of being outraged by the stereotyping, white men should be outraged by the abuse. That sounds an awful lot like saying to a "good" Muslim who is a victim of racial profiling that they should blame the terrorists. I have no control over what other white men do, and I resent being lumped in with it.
Where did you get the statistic that 90% of abusers are gay?
Dude,... go back and re-read the article.
It says "that 90% of child abusers are GUYS", not gays.
He said they are "GUYS", not gays. Carry on.
guys, not gays.
Go back and reread the article. He state that 90% of child sexual abusers are"gUys" not "gAys".
Pedophilia isn't really a gay thing. It seems to appeal mostly to straight males.
Read more carefully. It says "GUYS" with a "U" not "GAYS" with an "A."
The climate of vigilance around this matter is nearing hysteria and is certainly palpable enough to have me thinking and acting in defense rather than helping to raise our youth in a safe and stimulating environment. I have sometimes found myself thinking about volunteering for helping with kids programs and I block that out immediately. I teach swimming arts but I won't teach anyone under 18 because i don't want to be vulnerable to accusations by psychotic parents. When my son was younger I never allowed other children over to the house and never stepped in to take responsibility or volunteer to help with extracurricular projects involving other people's children.
I was once falsely accused of sexual harassment in the workplace by a coworker who later retracted her claim, quit and then committed suicide several weeks later.... I never actually was able overcome the damage her commentary did to my work life. It followed me through several jobs.
I had another female friend who was falsely accused of child abuse by some in her church and it cost her a job and forced her to move from her home town. It was the most petty and vindictive and mean spirited attack on a young woman who was managing the daycare for the church. It was absolutely disgusting the way they treated her. A witch hunt.
So when it comes to trust issues and children, I don't trust adults to trust me to be with their kids.
Your comment broke my heart. I was lucky to have amazing uncles and grandparents while I was growing up, men I admired and looked up to and who helped form my character. Every minute spent with them was a gift.
I can't imagine how damaging it would have been if my mother had approached me after every visit and asked "Did he touch you? Tell me!" with a scowl of suspicion on her face.
To all the innocent, loving and wise men who will suffer the repercussions of suspicion, accusation, and loss of reputation and even the love and respect of their families, and even the loss of their freedom, I am sorry. For the bad acts of a few, we must disgard the many. The pendulum swings. Even Christ may fall to the wayside since he called the children to his side. How dare he!
In the end, our youth will suffer even more. Not just the ones who are abused, but all the rest who are deprived of role models, wisdom, and character. Permanent, societal damage on all fronts.
It is about time commericals like this were produced. I applaud Susan Sarandon and the two male actors. We have too many laws to "make us feel good." But do not truly protect our children.
These commericals deal with true statistics in a way to make people think about how they protect their family.
"But the fact is, most kids are sexually abused by their own fathers."
You need to give us some statistics to back this up. I'm not saying it's not true, but this is a really hot topic, and you need to give some statistics.
That quote is nowhere in the post.
This is a powerful message that must be shoved into everyone's faces.
When we were in our 20's, I had a female cousin tell me that my father had grabbed her breast when she was 16 and made some comment about her growing up. But it took a second female cousin who defined an interaction with my father from years before as 'criminal sexual contact' (she would now know as an Asst. Dist. Att.). Those words were effective in my making sure the man was never left alone with my two daughters for the rest of his life.
So what will this accomplish? Everyone who is paying attention knows about this.
Perhaps if America was more open about sexual matters this abuse would lessen.
Abuse of any person is evil. Abuse of children is extra evil and needs more than TV ads thrown at it.
On the other hand making children and parents avoid all "strangers " is also bad.
I won't even look at a kid in public.
As a youngster I had many excellent teachers who were older ,white males. Today I would be forbidden to be with these people.
No, you wouldn't be forbidden to be with these people, because teachers teach in a class and there is very little (thankfully!) opportunity to be alone with them. People have to be able to warn their children. Statistics are too high. If someone is offended, too bad. I would rather see adults bristle in offense than one child molested or raped. Priests and other religious leaders should not be left alone with children at any time. Too bad if they get offended as well, but we have seen what some priests have done to children, and how they have ruined children's lives. Do not take the chance!
I do not believe for a second that biological fathers sexually abuse their children beyond a tiny minority of creeps.
Mom's new boyfriend and/or husband are too often lumped into the abuse statistic's definition of "father".
Let's get a new shock spot out there: "Hi, I'm your ex-wife's boyfriend. She's okay, but I really just moved in so I could f__k your kids.
This is true. This is worthy of note and worth repeating. Ex-wife's boyfriends do this and a lot more.
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What is the recurring thing with biological father in these comments? At no point does the post above or the TV ads it discusses make any claim that biological fathers are rampantly molesting their children. All it is pointing out is that older, white men, who are usually trusted by a family, perpetrate a high percentage of molestation crimes.
I was thinking the same thing SkimaskBob.
Yesterday at the dog park two girls, about 6 and 8 years old, came over, sat down and started chatting with me. We were alone in the dog park which is fairly secluded from most external views. The whole time I talked with these utterly delightful little girls I was wondering if I was aiding some molester by not telling them to avoid strangers.
A damnable situation with no clear path.
Poor white heterosexual (identified) males. They often get their feelings hurt when they experience a modicum of what Native Americans-Mexicans-Women-Gay Men-Lesbians-African Americans (etc.) have experienced due to white men's own selfish, controlling, imperialistic acts. Funny how when myself or others point this out we're called both "racist" and "sexist" (by white hetero-identified men).
Well, I'd rather have my feelings hurt and HAVE the comfort of their hijacked social power than to have experienced the extraordinary harm and oppression they've caused others historically in the US.
Yeah, I'm with you on that one. Tell'em to quit whining and get over it -- that's what they always tell us to do!!
HUH? Your post is an example of the pot calling out the kettle.
People are individuals.
Oh...and what of the absolute glut of female teachers raping young boys? And incidentally, it IS rape as defined by the law regardless of the boy's sexual excitement. We love to laugh and joke and say "that boy is lucky to get some" and continue the disgusting double standard, don't we? I can remember at least 10 of these cases reported in the last 6 months.
Absolute glut? It is still pretty rare for women to sexually abuse boys. When it happens, I agree, it is a crime, but we are talking statistics here, and they don't lie. The majority of molesters and rapists are white heterosexual men. Thats a FACT. You can remember the 10 (which I find hard to believe) cases because they are rare, but with white men, it is many more times that in six months, and we don't hear about them all.
"Funny how when myself or others point this out we're called both "racist" and "sexist" (by white hetero-identified men). "
That would be because you ARE being both racist and sexist. What else would you call lumping the good ones in with the bad solely on the basis of their race and/or gender?
While mothers do not need to "fear" all men who are around their children, they do need to remain alert. I am suspicious of every man who comes in contact with my children, I am not rude about it and do not intend to offend any of these men, but if they do get offended I see it as a red flag. It is my duty and responsibility to protect my children and if they cannot respect that then they clearly have other motives.
There was a line in Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker, it said that you never need to apologise when you are protecting your child. He stated it much better than I, but I found that line to be so liberating.
I've seen both of these PSA's and I think they are honest and to-the-point. I would like to see a "Grandpa" version next.
Exactly FiLoLi. I have a girlfriend whose father-in-law liked little girls. All but one of his daughters has admitted it happened. The son who was always sent with the girls were ever they went with dad has spoken about it. Yet there are still people that think he is a sweet old man and will let him near their daughters. Those are the people this PSA is directed to.
By the way my husband is a scout master and the rule is no adult is ever alone with a child. This protects the child and the adult.
the first essential steps in any successful effort to communicate effectively are to attract/capture the attention of the intended audience and then generate interest in the context of the message you seek to deliver. if these commercials help to achieve that, they will have been worthwhile. i enthusiastically commend all involved. children everywhere need and deserve our protection from all forms of abuse.
That's the same phony "1 in 4" statistic that has been repeated over and over for the past 20 years, despite being repeatedly debunked as grossly misleading.
See Hoff Sommers: http://www.leaderu.com/real/ri9502/sommers.html
Yeah, grossly misleading because it is closer to one out of two, or 50%, if people got really honest and brave enough to tell. Besides, the subject is sexual abuse, not just "rape." There are many more people who get sexually abused than actually get raped.
I hope you don't have kids....sounds like you wouldn't believe them if they told you they were getting "unwanted attention." These ads are for folks like you, oh dismisser of others' realities.
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