Talk about conflicted!
Jeffrey Rubin has been a friend for a decade. Long before he started writing his new book -- The Art of Flourishing: A New East-West Approach to Staying Sane and Finding Love in an Insane World -- I heard him talk through some of the ideas. I read his book in manuscript and, because I was born that way, I marked passages I loved and passages I loved a little less. A company I co-founded is helping him promote the book online. Yes, I'd call that conflicted.
I can't, in good conscience, review the book -- though I think I'm allowed to say it provoked some brain flares for me and nudged me toward what feels like a better path -- but I can, legitimately, tell you about its author. As a kid, Jeffrey was one of those annoying brainiacs who has, even more annoyingly, a killer jump shot. He burned through Princeton and graduate school, and then, fully credentialed, set out to heal the world.
A funny thing happened along the way. He discovered that Western psychoanalytic theory could get him -- and his patients -- only so far. But he was also a meditator and a seeker, and in Buddhist practice, he found tools that seemed extremely useful. He started to combine West and East and discovered he was on to something. Others agreed. Eventually one of his patients included a Zen master. [That relationship is chronicled in a fascinating article in The New York Times Magazine.]
Jeffrey is still a brainiac -- I doubt Dr. Phil will be saying anything as simple and profound as this:
In meditative psychotherapy, meditation and yogic breathing are used to quiet and focus the mind. Meanwhile, psychotherapeutic insights about unconscious motivations illuminate the meaning of what arises during one's spiritual practice. And the therapeutic relationship -- conceived of in a freer and more empathic way -- is the arena in which new ways of living are explored and actualized.
JR: I love Bruce Lee more than Seagall. Steven might have his hands full with the Little Dragon. Films like The Visitor, The Straight Story, Smoke, Rabbit-Proof Fence and Winter's Bone are on my must-see-again list. And two childhood favorites again: To Kill a Mockingbird and Pride of the Yankees... I couldn't stop laughing during Best in Show.
JK: You tell a great story about winning a high school basketball game with a last-second shot that took place outside of time. Have you had that "Rubin! At the buzzer!" feeling since?
JR: Yes. Playing hoops at night by myself in a gym in East Meadow, NY in 1983. The hoop seemed as big as the ocean and the ball felt attached to my hand like a yo-yo. Time felt like it expanded and I was in a zone of joy and flow. The game felt so easy it was unfair, causing me to laugh out loud while I was playing. I've also had wondrous experiences meditating.
JK: All these people I see multi-tasking -- being in a conversation while texting or Tweeting -- strike me as missing the point completely. Or are they, in their own way, flourishing?
JR: I think it's tricky to measure other peoples' states of mind from the outside. That's the psychoanalyst in me. The Buddhist would say I'm not going to flourish by judging others. That said, what I've personally discovered, and what many of us have been reading about in the recent past, is that multitasking seems to insure that we attend less well to each task and that we feel more scattered, hyper-stimulated, and un-centered, all at once. And this state does tend to get in the way of focusing on doing what is authentically good for us and starves the people around us who need and deserve our complete attention.
JK: I've got 10 minutes. What can I do to enrich my life? What won't work?
JR: One of the deepest lessons I've learned from the yoga tradition is that we become whatever we are connected to. Assuming you're at home, engage in a conversation or activity that you find stimulating or meaningful. Listen to your favorite music, read an engrossing book, or look at a beautiful work of art that moves you. If you're in the doctor's office, take 12 relaxed and gentle breaths, paying attention to any places of restfulness in your body, and savor it. Try to avoid running ahead of yourself, assuming you have a bad diagnosis.
What won't work is worrying about all you have to do, judging yourself, comparing yourself to other people, surfing the web, eating out of boredom, buying something you do not need, denying what you're feeling in favor of assuming a positive attitude, willing yourself into a better mood.
JK: Reassure us that you still have miles to go. To make your life flourish more, what's the next challenge for you?
JR: We are all works-in-progress. Human growth hormone, the body's repair elixir, is produced 24 hours a day in children. You know when it's produced in adults? When we sleep. I wonder if dreams are human psychological growth hormones, our way of repairing ourselves emotionally. My next big challenge: putting into practice what I've written about in the book. One of my Buddhist teachers used to say, "Begin again, and again and again and again," because human beings slip and fall and fail. The trick is to face our humanness with patience and compassion and get up and begin again.
Cross-posted from HeadButler.com
James Rotondi: Sex, Sin & Zen: Brad Warner and the Lust for Enlightenment
Bernard Starr: The Deception of Compassion
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