The holidays have a way of putting a spotlight on one's love life. This year luckily (or unluckily) for me the attention has fallen on my sister and her new boyfriend, Ariel. I can recall as young girls my sister, Karla always said she would marry an Argentine soccer player -- turns out dreams do come true.
The probability of Karla actually ending up with a Latino seemed bleak after a series of serious relationships, all with gringos. That is, until she met Ariel, whom we all have agreed is the "one," as they say. The interesting ingredient this time around is their cultural connection. Could this be the key to their success as a couple?
Now of course there are other factors at play that make these two aisle-bound. A: Timing. Ariel and Karla share a desire for commitment and marriage at this stage in their lives. B: Compatibility. Culture aside these two have many common interests. C: Chemistry. Does that require an explanation?
While these factors bring these two together could sharing cultural traditions and similarities be the glue that keeps them together? Unlike in past relationships Karla can be more at ease knowing her partner Ariel doesn't bat an eye when he is served arroz con frijoles instead of candied yams for Thanksgiving. The familiar sound of the Spanish-speaking commentator screaming "GGGOOOOOLLL" fills her home just as it did when we were growing up. And perhaps most importantly she has a guaranteed partner in the preservation of her language and culture as they raise their family in the future.
Love has no guarantee however sharing a similar background does carry added benefits. After speaking with my guinea pigs/love birds I learned which factors are at play:
La Familia es Numero Uno
First and foremost, both definitively named similar family values as the #1 bonding benefit. The commitment and closeness each share with their family intensifies their bond as each partner earns points by cozying up to their respective families without extreme effort or complaint -- with each bond made theirs grows exponentially.
I personally experienced two serious relationships, both with gringos who were not close with their families. In fact, one lived on the opposite coast seeing them possibly one holiday a year. My weekly visits and necessity to celebrate every known holiday did seem to overwhelm my mate. I can recall one Mother's Day that reached Fools Rush In levels of discomfort. While my experience is certainly not true for all American families the familial ties do seem to be shorter amongst Latinos and immigrant families in general.
Habla Español
As much fun as it was to gossip about our boyfriends in Spanish as they sat at the very same table, it is even more fun to have someone get in on the action. Sure the language of love can be spoken by all -- that doesn't mean it'll get you through a dinner with my non-English speaking dad without an entire bottle of wine being consumed (solely by me) and perhaps a bit of disappointment at the end of the evening.
Meeting the parents is hard enough without having to climb the seemingly insurmountable obstacle of a parent who doesn't understand a word your boyfriend is saying. Ariel, the first Latino my sister or I have introduced, has eliminated this issue completely. Conversation flows freely putting us all at ease and off translator duties. Instead we listen to an incessant debate over the superiority of Maradona vs. Pele.
Latin Lovers Son Muy Cariñosos
One solid swirl around a salsa club dance floor and any woman could understand the appeal of a "latin lover." Everything from the language to their openly affectionate manner has a way of especially igniting a Latina's fire.
However the open affection does not just apply to the two of you in the relationship. You can expect to be hugged or touched when in the company of such passionate people. One of my ex's received a strong and (by his standards) excessively long hug from my mother and never got over it. I touched his father's arm once - I was reprimanded and also asked to refer to his parents as Dr. Joe and Dr. Jane, for seven years.
Of course the lack in similar cultural backgrounds cannot conclusively be the culprit in the demise of a relationship but it does seem to add the right spice. I think Ariel put it best when he said, "I believe that having similar backgrounds helps us to make our relationship stronger because it's not just a tango of two but a Latin dance of many."
In that case, can I get a caballero to the dance floor, por favor?!
What does really make two people fall in love? So many factors. According to your piece, in Karla and Ariel's case it was their similar cultural backgrounds. I'd be willing to bet that's not the only factor though. Probably not even the most important one.
And yes, you can get me on the dance floor anytime, but not to dance. I'm horrible at it.
First of all I must say to jump right in there and call me "Jesse" is quite comfortable. (How Latin of you jk jk!!) hahahhahah
Second, seems you need to give my little tale a re-read as you will clearly find a paragraph where I list the factors that unite these lovers. (timing, chemistry, common interests...)
PS if we meet on the dance floor where people presumably go to dance what will we be doing? just askin' ;)
You've misrepresented your culture, made ridiculous claims about mine, and done a disservice to social progress in general.
I commend you and your family for having an open and loving nature where you can obviously grow through differences -- that has not always been my experience.
And for the record I'm sure you "ignite" your girl's fire my passionately ;) hahahhahahah
Happy holidays!
I agree with you, I have a similar experience, my girlfriend is from Honduras.
I don't go as far as watching a novela (not novella, a little spelling correction :) they are unwatchable for any man (latin or not, lol), but I watch soccer with her even though it isn't my favorite sport.
It's great you can share the same type of physical affection with her family as you do with yours, I think that's very important, regardless of the culture.
As you imply, the most important aspect of a relationship is closeness and communication, being open with one another, have a strong bond. If you feel that you don't "ignite her fire", best thing is to talk about it, not to hide your feelings. My friend Miguel always jokes to the girls, "once you go latino, that'll be your destino", but we can be as hot, regardless if you watch and enjoy novelas! lol
One thing that leaves me hanging a bit with your comment though, its the fact that Led Zeppelin is a British band, it doesn't entirely represent the "American culture", but I do get the point.
Now in regards to the article, I think it's quite funny and describes a relationship between two lovers, as the writer said, "of course there are other factors at play that make these two aisle-bound", so which ever way we think about it, love will always win :)
Half of our families children call themselves "brites." Brites: Part brown & part white.
So goes life.
Thanks for reading and happy holidays!
Thank you so much for your comment and for reading! I completely agree! The more you have in common -- the easier relationships are. Not love but relationships; the heart wants what it wants. But it doesn't always make a successful relationship.
Please keep reading and congratulations on your wonderful relationship!
I hope you will keep reading and thank you for your comment!
Thank you for reading and for your comment!
Best,
Jessica
Thanks for your comment!
one of my uncle's however did move to germany and lived there for many years after joining the military. His daughters-- my two cousins still live there and embrace their german upbringing and culture.
thank you for your interest and thank you for reading!
But certainly the only thing that will guide you is your heart. But it is sometimes interesting to explore relationships within these contexts, no? If at least to "give 'em something to talk about."
Please keep reading and happy holidays!
It is unbelievable that we are still being subjected to articles about "latinos as a race".
And of all places, but in reference to the South American country with the highest percentage of European-descended people.
Seriously, shocking!
A suggestion for Ms. Hippe,
If you can stop yourself long enough from asking Ariel where his donkey is, and instead ask him about his family, I will bet he is 1, perhaps 2 generations away from family in Italy, Spain, Germany, France, Sweden, England, Ireland...to name a few of the homelands of MOST Argentinians.
Please WIKI this NOW! Before you put your cloven hoof in your mouth at the Christmas dinner table...just a suggestion.
I don't understand the donkey comment but I believe that is what is insulting but I will WIKI this NOW as well. ;)
Thank you for reading! The piece is is based on my personal experience and observation -- its certainly not a political statement nor should it be considered as such.
First of all, I did not insert the words"dating within your race" into your title. And I don't take offense at the sight of the word either.
Having established that fact, now let's go to the next "academic" hurdle...
"Race", "Culture" & "Ethnicity" are NOT synonymous nor interchangeable terms historically, socially, sociologically or anthropologically.
Where one person's "culture" begins and another person's "ethnicity" ends is anybody's guess, BUT "race" is a fairly agreed upon concept on a global scale for most people, no matter how many (in the States) will claim it is just a "social construct". And typically, this "race" denial claim is made from behind the gates of coincidentally all-white community.
Having many friends of various racial backgrounds from many Latin American contexts, they (and I) are all a bit weary of hearing about the fictional "latino race", which has never existed in the history of man.
Having written, lectured and authored articles on the dynamic of race in the Western Hemisphere, I am more than a bit "aware" of all the pot-holes in the cosmic road to "latino" race nirvana and I try not to look the other way, when I see someone skipping down the road as they smile into the sunlight, so they don't go "boom" in their glee.
Your article is commendable, but we can all learn more from a treatise where the vocabulary is specific and not open to the interpretation of lesser, not-so-informed minds,
Thanks...
but first get past the Pit Bulls.
Thanks for reading!
Thank you for your lovely comment and for taking a moment to read my article.
I think you hit the nail right on the head! You can find balance between cultures and even grow exponentially by sharing all the things that make you both unique.
Please keep reading and happy holidays!