It's the "Project Accessory" finale! Over the past 7 episodes we've seen tears, laughs, been covered with unicorn horn resin dust, worn insects as embellishments and all in all, remained lukewarmly charmed by Molly Sims and her cast of bran-cereal accessory designers. Will the show get renewed? I'd bet a paycheck it'll quietly slink off into the canceled reality show ether.
But first, we have to crown an accessory champion. Brian, Nina and Rich are chilling in the apartment in New York, exchanging reality TV niceties about how far they've come and how much winning will mean to them.
On the runway, Molly is doing her final Heidi Klum impression. The challenge: the designer have to create a collection of 9 different accessories (this round is sponsored by Herman Cain campaign!) paired with 3 different sartorial looks.
"This is a lot of work in a short amount of time," Molly drawls, "so we've got some special guests to help you." OMG, who could it be. No way, it's the eliminated designers!!!11!!!
They each get to pick an assistant from the cast-offs. Rich chooses Diego, Nina opts for Kelly and Brian picks another keiffyah scarf to match the two he's already wearing. No, not really, he picks James.
In the workroom, Eva says they have 2 days to design and $1,000 to shop.
Nina says she's going for "day, happy hour and full-on evening" for her three looks. Rich is picking, well, the same thing. Rich wants to strike the balance between "wickedness and elegance." So, Lady Gaga? Brian is doing swimwear.
Rich is carving a 4-inch wide axehead necklace. Badass. Brian is making a Flintstones-type necklace, which Rich calls "rough," and stenciling "Oliver," his son's name, onto a yellow bag. James is making a pair of pumps. Nina's cocktail ring is sparkly and gorgeous, while Kelly works on making her 3 bags.
Interlude: A John Frieda stylist is here to do some product placement! We zoom in on some hairspray for a few. That was fun.
"It's challenging working with Diego," Rich sniffs. "He is not rock and roll AT ALL." In other words, Diego should be making an apron so he doesn't get bundt cake crumbs on his tea cozy or something, I don't know.
A stylist arrives to bring them some beige-y clothing options.
Eva comes around for Vague Platitude Power Hour. She tells Nina something would be a "home run." "More is not more," she tells Brian. She tells Rich his Birkin-esque bag is too "Diego" and not enough Rich, so Rich starts revamping his bag by adding extra vague platitudes.
Molly announces that the runner-up will be receiving a weeklong vaycay in Paris. The judges include celeb jeweler Lorraine Schwartz.
Runway time! Rich's first model has a giant snakelike belt; the second had the axehead pendant and a really pretty clutch; his third model is wearing a reallllly sheer dress with some gorgeous dainty earrings.
Nina's models are wearing thong sandals with Southwestern jewelry; next, a cascading chain necklace and a black bag; third, an adjustable necklace with two metal cuffs.
Brian's bathing suits models has cuffs; the second has a romper with big brass earrings and a wild fringed cuff; third, a purple dress with snake-skin print accessories.
Ariel says Nina's necklace needs to be more, quote, "special." Molly says she's "obsessed" with her shoes. They're all proud of Nina's growth, pouring it on thick, etc.
Feedback for Rich is mixed: Rich 's clutch is "genius," says Ariel, but the belt doesn't feel "fresh." Kenneth doesn't think the look is signature enough.
Brian's stuff up close looks like Miami exploded in an Express store: huge gold bracelets, fringe everywhere, slouchy booties. Ariel loves it! Molly's "obsessed" with Brian's boot design. Noticing a trend?
The judges deliberate, and it really seems neck in neck.
Okay, are you guys ready for the winner?
dun dun dun...
It's Brian! He gets the $100,000 and seems genuinely humble and surprised by it. He also says his wife will be proud. Aww! Molly AND Brian are wiping away happy tears.
And that's it for me! It's been fun, faithful and/or random readers. Let me know if there are any shows I should do hack-y recaps of in the future! And pssst: I'm interviewing the "Project Accessory" winner and will have an exclusive chat up for you soon on HuffPost Style.
Follow Jessica Misener on Twitter at twitter.com/jessmisener.
Ah well. The reality beat goes on (without Project Accessory, i'm guessing) ...