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Jessica Nelles Headshot

I Am Strong

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I am strong because on October 15, 2010 at 37 weeks pregnant we walked into our OB office and found out our son Tiberius had passed away.

I am strong because I labored for 12 beautiful hours and gave birth to my stillborn son in a silent room.

I am strong because on October 22, 2010, my husband and I buried our first child.

I am strong because 12 weeks after we buried our first son we found out we were expecting again.

I am strong because on May 2, 2011, at 18 weeks pregnant, we found out that our second son Jacob would not be coming home with us, he was given a fatal diagnosis.

I am strong because despite having a fatal diagnosis we chose to carry Jacob and do everything we possibly could.

I am strong because during the next 18 weeks Jacob's diagnosis changed into something no medical doctor had ever seen before and his prognosis became unknown.

I am strong because on September 5, 2011, our son Jacob was born via c-section. He cried even though we were told he would not.

I am strong because for the next 2 1/2 days Jacob fought so hard to stay with us and we fought so hard to keep him comfortable and did everything we could.

I am strong because at 7:45 p.m. on September 7th, we had to make a decision no parent should ever have to make; we pulled his life support and Jacob peacefully passed away.

I am strong because on September 14, 2011 we buried our second child.

I am strong because nine months after we buried Jacob we decided to try once more.

I am strong because we became pregnant with what we hoped would truly be our rainbow babe.

I am strong because at 18 weeks we found out we were having a healthy little girl.

I am strong because I carried her for 36 1/2 weeks all along knowing we could lose her too.

I am strong because on January 8, 2013, I was induced and we were on the way to meeting our miracle babe.

I am strong because after 16 rough hours of VBAC labor, our miracle baby, Phoebe Faith, was born. Crying, screaming, healthy and alive.

I am strong because even though I only parent one child, I am a mother of three.

I am strong because I have carried three children full term but two already reside in Heaven.

I am strong because I chose to cling onto hope and faith when everything else was against us.

I am strong because parenting a rainbow baby is a challenging time in life.

I am strong because I now live with PTSD and fight with it on a daily basis. But I REFUSE to let it define who I am.

I am strong because my hopes and dreams have been shattered, but I chose to hold on and now have a beautiful little girl who is the light of my life.

I am strong because I am sharing my video about my journey with you.

Please know my video does contain pictures of my boys after they have passed. If this is too much for you, please do not watch.

Mamas who have endured loss, don't ever give up. Your rainbow could be one more rainy day away.

jessica nelles

This post originally appeared on Birth Without Fear's Facebook page, as part of the "I Am Strong" series.

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