Jessica Olien
GET UPDATES FROM Jessica Olien
Jessica Olien has contributed to publications including Slate, Salon, Bust, Jezebel, Nerve, Marie Claire, and TheAtlantic.com. Her cartoons can be found on cutenessandconsequence.com. Follow her on twitter @jessicaolien .

Blog Entries by Jessica Olien

I'm Over Being a Facebook Snob

17 Comments | Posted December 15, 2011 | 13:43:43 (EST)

Like many people, I've been irritated by the status updates of my Facebook friends. 

What a freaking idiot, I've sighed inwardly when I saw someone's sandwich update. 

Man, I've thought after seeing a slide show about someone's family vacation in Cleveland, I wish I could get those 40 seconds...

Read Post

Egypt's Ongoing Problem With Sexual Harassment

Posted February 17, 2011 | 03:52:23 (EST)

The attack on Lara Logan last week illustrates the kind of intimidation and objectification endured by Egyptian women on a regular basis. Sexual harassment is an epidemic in Cairo. Young men loiter on downtown street corners and make lewd noises, belittling comments and gestures at women who pass, sometimes even...

Read Post

SunChips Bags Are Too Noisy: Yet Another Reason We Suck

Posted October 7, 2010 | 17:38:24 (EST)

We live in a world filled with unwanted noise. But apparently the people at SunChips have taken the sound of snacking to an unacceptable decibel level with their 100 percent biodegradable bags. Customer complaints have halted the production of the eco-friendly packaging.

The package is...

Read Post

Baby, I Didn't Like the Birthday Present

Posted April 12, 2010 | 14:57:18 (EST)

I never have liked massages. I'm sure at some point in our time together I would have mentioned that the idea of paying a stranger to smear me with dirty oil and then to spend the next hour worrying about said stranger's hands slipping into forbidden swimsuit line territory is...

Read Post

I Will Not Wait in Line For a Cupcake With You

Posted April 9, 2010 | 12:03:49 (EST)

I swear to God. I don't care if they're made out of cocoa truffle pesto with sustainable yak butter-based sprinkles and wrapped in edible gold filigree papers. I refuse. It is a cupcake and I am a grown woman and you are a 36-year old man and there is a...

Read Post

MTV Hates Your Brain

Posted January 4, 2010 | 13:19:00 (EST)

There is at times a strange sense of pleasure to be had from watching reality television. Like fashion magazines, reality shows make life seem simple and airbrushed. Men and women prance around communal kitchens in candy-colored outfits and blow-dried hair. Everyone's basic needs are always met. Whoever stays on the...

Read Post

Five Things That Annoy Me About Your Blog

Posted October 5, 2009 | 15:41:05 (EST)

Five things that annoy me about your blog:

1. You started it just to get a book deal.

Think of how flummoxed you would be if we went ice skating in the park one winter and I told you that I was only shuffling around the rink with you...

Read Post

Citibank Really Needs to Rethink This Poster

Posted August 30, 2009 | 17:32:51 (EST)

I'm completely sick right now, but the irony wasn't lost on me. I was walking home with my five-dollar cup of matzah ball soup when I saw a new banner unfurled across Citibank's window. It depicts a man with a bowl cut. He is grinning manically. And he's perched atop...

Read Post

I Have Enough Eco-Friendly Bags Now

Posted August 3, 2009 | 17:15:37 (EST)

Several weeks ago, a gigantic subterranean Barnes and Noble opened in my neighborhood. I bought one book, which was placed into a sturdy promotional ("eco-friendly!") bag and left with a line of others carrying matching totes. What a smugness factory those escalators were! On one side -- the "before" side...

Read Post

Dispatches From a Twitter Revolutionary

Posted June 18, 2009 | 14:17:13 (EST)

I first got interested in Iran a couple of days ago when I looked at my Facebook and saw that everyone's updates were about the demonstrations. I looked at the pictures and determined that I really supported @Mousavi because everyone looked so cool on the street. So together. Like at...

Read Post

The Israel/Gaza Facebook War

Posted January 6, 2009 | 12:39:35 (EST)

Status Updates on Facebook have a whole new tone to them these days. While usually a barometer as to how hungover/ready for happy hour a person is, in the past week these innocuous little descriptors have been replaced by some heavy war-petting, Israel style. I'm no stranger to politically-tinged updates...

Read Post

Shame On You, New York Times

Posted November 5, 2008 | 15:33:36 (EST)

Early this morning, still in my "Joe Biden: A Clean Articulate Guy" t-shirt, I stumble down four flights of stairs and go next door to the deli to pick up a copy of the newspaper that I will save to show my children. The New York Times is my local...

Read Post

Dear John McCain -- Stay Away From References to Technology and Jell-O

Posted October 8, 2008 | 15:03:45 (EST)

Dear John,

I have been following your career for quite a few years now, especially lately if you know what I mean. In reference to last night's debate, I have several suggestions.

First off, before you step into those bright lights, try to shake it out a little so...

Read Post

Does Sarah Palin Believe in Oil?

Posted October 6, 2008 | 11:56:10 (EST)

Part One:
In which I am humiliated and later vindicated

When I was in the second grade, my teacher went around the classroom asking each student to name the materials that various objects were made from. She'd say "desk" and point to Timmy who removed his finger from...

Read Post

WaMu: Save the Whales!

Posted September 28, 2008 | 23:33:06 (EST)

I've always assumed that WaMu makes no sense as a bank because it is owned and operated by a large Killer Whale. Take the design of the interior, which has no discernable counters and is full of large, seemingly useless open areas. I take it that all of this space...

Read Post

Straight Talk Meta

Posted September 26, 2008 | 17:49:03 (EST)

Things have been a little bit crazy lately, huh? Suddenly, even my president, George W. Bush, is telling me that America is going to hell in a hand basket. You may be confused. I am. You may be exhibiting signs of depression, staying out at the local bar extra late,...

Read Post

Why the Republican Convention Is Like Burning Man

Posted September 4, 2008 | 02:10:03 (EST)

Watching the Republican National Convention tonight, I realized that it has eerie similarities to another gathering which makes my skin crawl. Burning Man, which recently took place in the Black Rock desert in Nevada, consists of a very large group of people who descend on an otherwise rarely talked about...

Read Post

Can We Stop Talking About Bristol and Start Talking About Important Things Now?

Posted September 2, 2008 | 17:53:52 (EST)

Funny that. And I was just getting sick of hearing about Sarah Palin.

I think we mostly agree McCain picking Palin was a strange choice that informed the public that it takes more experience to break into middle management at an Applebee's then it does to get the VP...

Read Post

Back to School Stealing

Posted August 24, 2008 | 16:30:21 (EST)

In elementary school, on the first day of every school year, my class was shown a video about being a "latchkey kid." Little Billy or Tony -- or whatever his name was -- would have his house key on a string around his neck. The movie documented the latchkey boy's...

Read Post

Enemies on the Ground, Lovers on the Court

Posted August 13, 2008 | 22:27:28 (EST)

You'd think that beyond the showiness of it all, the Olympics would at least be a place for countries to fight out their age-old grudges. You'd think that, for example, when Georgia's beach volleyball team took on Russia's yesterday there would've been some seriously angry and vengeful spiking, which would...

Read Post