10/29/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

WaMu: Save the Whales!

I've always assumed that WaMu makes no sense as a bank because it is owned and operated by a large Killer Whale. Take the design of the interior, which has no discernable counters and is full of large, seemingly useless open areas. I take it that all of this space is meant to accommodate a Killer Whale's considerable bulk. But come on people, how often does WaMu himself actually drop by your local branch? I make exceptions though. I figure that you can't expect a creature with a blowhole to run a business, much less design it, in the exact same way a regular mouth-breathing, upright-walking CEO would. And anyway, I like whales, which is why I opened an account at WaMu to begin with.

So imagine my shock when I go to sign into my Yahoo! Mail and find, via Yahoo!'s up-to-the-minute newsfeed, that my bank is going under. Well, not going under precisely but being bought out and likely getting a name change. I was quite disturbed, especially considering that the name is the only reason I bank there.

Then this morning, realizing that I needed money for an Eggs Benedict and my five or six weekend cans of Schlitz (which I've taken to drinking since the economy tanked), I stopped by for a little withdrawal action.

A handwritten sign on the door said that the power was off. The man inside wearing the WaMu logo on his vest was none-too-friendly. I asked him, sunny as Sunday morning, when I could expect the lights to come back on and he very rudely suggested I walk to Court Street, to which I informed him that I had no desire to do that and, by the way, did he see the drizzle? Did he! He kind of shrugged and told me to suit myself. Well, I never!

Which brings me to say it. I don't want to, but I will:

What in the hell, WaMu? You're not even paying your electric bill? Go back to Alaska!