Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Season 4, Episode 19 of Fox's "Glee," titled "Sweet Dreams."
After a very dramatic school shooting last week, "Glee" gave us a fluff episode this week. It starts with a Finn voiceover where the former football star is talking about how he enrolled in Lima University to become a teacher because that's his dream (get ready, this episode is all about dreams. Yawn). He's absolutely loving college so far because, as he says, "College is like this perfect little bubble between being a kid and being an adult." He has the rest of his life to grow up and deal with adult problems like rehab. But right now, he has to start piling on that substance abuse at frat party after frat party with Puck (who is his roommate despite not being enrolled in the school).
We didn't get to see Rachel and Kurt in the last episode, but their unrealistic New York lives are back for our viewing pleasure. Rachel's biggest dream is to play Fanny Brice in "Funny Girl" on Broadway. And what do you know? "Funny Girl" has never done a Broadway revival before and NOW they are! Oh! And they're holding open auditions for the role of Fanny! How convenient that Rachel has been preparing for this since she was 5!
Can we pause here for a second and talk about how Rachel's biggest problem in New York so far has been having a hot boyfriend who's a prostitute on the side for extra cash? Most people have a tough time adjusting to New York. There are so many people here, you aren't just going to be the best at everything and get whatever you want ... unless your name is Rachel Berry, apparently. She has no problem buying the latest fashions despite being a college student in the most expensive city in the world, she rents a trendy Brooklyn apartment DECKED OUT in the Anthropologie collection, and she gets to audition for her dream role! Meanwhile, when I first moved to New York, I lived with a hoarder in a disgusting house on Staten Island and made like $200 dollars a month freelancing. But I guess that's what happens when your dad isn't Ryan Murphy.
In the actual glee club, we learn that Marley's big dream is to be a singer/songwriter like Norah Jones and she really wants the club to sing one of her original songs at regionals. When Mr. Schue tells the club the theme of regionals, which is "Dreams" (surprise!), Marley thinks one of her songs will be perfect. But mean Mr. Schue has already picked what they're singing. He's chosen literal interpretations of the theme, like "Dream Weaver." The club then has a secret meeting to talk about how they hate those songs and they want to pick new ones. Marley suggests one of hers, but Kitty shoots it down saying "No one wants to hear a song about a fat mom."
Back at Party University, Finn and Puck have set up a Slip 'N Slide in the hallway and Finn charges girls their bikini tops to get into the sudsy rager. Right when the girls rip their clothes off, Mr. Schue shows up, apologizing to Finn and asking him to come back to the glee club. But, sorry old man, Finn has better stuff to do, like sing Beastie Boys at a frat party. (Sidenote: I went to a state school, which was also one of the top party schools in the country, and none of this happened. If someone would have tried to start a singalong at a party, people would have been like, 'Bye, weirdo!")
Schue returns to the glee club and takes out his anger toward Finn on the club. Blaine mentions the club wanted to different songs, and the Chancellor bellows, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? HOW DARE YOU OPENLY DEFY ME?" Watch out kids, this guy used to be a Spanish teacher once.
Rachel wants to sing a Streisand song for her audition, but Idina Menzel returns as her mom and tells her that's a bad idea. They sing a boring tune, and it makes me want to go listen to my "Wicked" soundtrack instead. Since Rachel still doesn't know what song to pick after her duet with mommy, she calls Finn. She tells him how sweet it was that he beat up her gigolo boyfriend and that she really needs help picking her audition song. Her ex tells her to "do something that takes you back to the roots of your passion." At her actual audition we see that she decided to go with "Don't Stop Believin'" and sees mirages of Mercedes, Finn, Kurt, Tina, and Artie from the very first episode. Oh Rachel, how far you've come. You're so close to achieving your biggest dream at just 19 years old. Hope you're okay with your life being all downhill from here!
After getting yelled at by Puck for not focusing on school and teaching, Finn returns to McKinley to tell Mr. Schue that he will come back and help with glee club under the condition that he isn't treated like Schue's assistant. Will says that he has a condition too and it's that the guys have to move past this falling out. You would think his condition would be "Don't kiss my wife anymore," but whatever. The two guys both go to the choir room and break the news that they aren't doing Mr. Schue's awful songs for regionals. In fact, they want Marley to teach the club one of her songs. How adorable.
At the end of the episode Rachel is staring at her phone waiting for a call from "Funny Girl," and when it finally rings, she freaks. It's the producers on the phone, and she's extremely nervous. But when she hangs up, she screams that she got a callback.
Well, isn't that just a happy ending for everyone?
"Glee" airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on Fox.