Imagine Being Elizabeth Edwards

Imagine being Elizabeth Edwards.

Not only is she battling terminal cancer, but she now must muster the strength to deal with the news that her husband had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter.

Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards will admit tonight on ABC News that he did have an affair, but he didn't love Hunter. He also is expected to deny he is the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances, who was born last February.

I have no doubt that Edwards loves his wife, with whom he has had a relationship for over three decades. He clearly had bad judgement and in a bad moment created a situation that is now threatening his career as well as the trust of his family. I'm sure the conversation before the ABC interview between husband and wife was as painful as any medical procedure she incurred.

Infidelity affects the daily rhythm of life.

When she goes to the supermarket to shop for her family's groceries, Elizabeth Edwards knows that people are dining on this story while her husband is being more grilled than salmon from the press and Democratic colleagues.

Her girlfriends want to rally behind her, but who can bring up the subject with her? Calls that ask, "Are you OK?" will likely be met with stony silence. True friends know that it is up to Elizabeth Edwards to choose who she will share her private thoughts with on this matter.

She is likely thinking of protecting her children as well.

Catharine is a 26-year-old law student who is old enough to understand the ways of the world. Is she calling her mother asking if she will divorce her father? Is she asking her father to explain his conduct? Is she in her room sobbing into a pillow?

Both under 10, Jack and Emma Claire are too young to fully understand the nature of the story, but likely to feel the tension and pressure around them from their adult protectors.

When Christie Brinkley learned about her husband Peter Cook's affair with a young girl, she immediately whisked off the kids to a remote location where there were "no newspapers or TV." She wanted to shield them from the headlines. But you can't fully protect your children. When the trial started, they felt the heat of all those flashbulbs and the searing pain of the tawdry revelations.

As for Elizabeth Edwards, we hope that she can cocoon herself right now with loyal family and friends to help her get through this difficult period.

It's easy for many women to say, "I'd dump the bastard," until it actually happens to them. Many women across America are faced with unfaithful husbands during the course of a marriage and weigh the pros and cons of divorce. According to a recent study, 70 percent of married women didn't know of their husband's extramarial affair.

Most people believe that Hillary Clinton knew about Bill Clinton's infidelity and they had struck a Faustian bargain in their mutual pursuit of political power. She wasn't as mad that he got caught as she was that her secret was out. Most believe that Elizabeth Edwards didn't know about her husband's infidelity until recently but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and what agreements are silently made.

Those conversations are always difficult between a husband and wife. Therapists say it takes at least two years to rebuild trust in the wake of an affair and only after a lot of hard work.

How many get divorced as a result? Studies vary. One says only 17 percent result in a divorce while a recent Firstwivesworld.com poll said as high as 54 percent.

Why do people stay?

A fear of loneliness. A fear of change. A dread of dismantling a family that you spent a lifetime constructing and having your children ping-pong between two residences during holidays. There's also a comfort in the rhythm of family life, the carpooling, the grocery shopping for more than one, the weekday nights eating at the oak table with your old wedding china.

Whatever the outcome, this family will be forever impacted. Especially since the revelations are so public.

However, back in the 1800s, Grover Cleveland admitted he may have had an illegitimate child. Because he was honest, it didn't stop him from getting into the White House... But some people still wanted to put him in the dog house.

Comments

[marysandra]

i, personally do not believe that she knew in 2006.."sus­pected" maybe, thus the lack of eye contact. Who knows how many times he has done this before? He was always a bit too slick by half for me. But I felt sorry for the loss of their son and for Elizabeth's illness, and having 2 more children at a later age, is not easy.. I do believe he was passionate about his political beliefs and I also believe his tale of narcissism and ego...The fact remains, who visits an ex mistress and baby at 2am..? Hasn't he heard of birth control? Hasn't his somewhat aging mistress? I smell set up from the get go...He should acknowledge and fully support all his children, whether it causes emabarassement or not..That baby deserves the same benefits as his other children, including knowing her father...a­nything less is just indecent, and more immoral than the original affair.

[Jessegirl]

Edwards was caught visiting his mistress at a hotel four weeks ago..
Edwards should just admit that he had a baby with her, that way he doesn't have to go sneaking around visiting it at all hours of the night in hotels.
The baby doesn't need to grow up with a burden of secrecy placed on her.
John would really have to humble himself to do the right thing this time.
We'll see what the 'real John' is made of?

[saami]

As someone whose husband had an affair and even moved in with her, I decided that my marriage and my husband and I were worth fighting for. My husband and I are together and happy now. We were able to find what was good and loving between us. People make bad mistakes. Men in their middle years are often caught up in wanting to be young again and to show that they are desirable to other younger women. It is more sad and pitiful than something to hate. It depends on the couple, the family and the marriage, but there are many marriages that are too strong, too loving and too good to give up on. I'm glad that I realized that about mine.

[artgal]

Elizabeth Edwards knew of the affair with Lisa Druck aka Rielle Hunter from 2006
so I think she has had time to not only deal with it, but also to have gone on a major presidential campaign where they stressed family values. Sorry no sympathy for either one of them - they could have cost the Democrats the election. They can do what they want - just stay out of public life and that goes for the rest of the Hypocrite Party. Now its been reported that Hunter has said that Elizabeth Edwards gave off bad energy when they met sometime in 2006
and Mrs. Edwards didnt look Hunter in the eye - maybe she knew about the affair when they met. In any case Edwards is a real jerk and thats the only real thing about him.

[JScott]

Why is ANYONE speculating on what she 'feels' about the infidelity, John told her TWO YEARS AGO!!!!
She's probably ALREADY GONE THRU ALL OF THIS, SO WHY SPECULATE ON ANY OF IT!!!!

She's probably thinking 'jeez the media, old and new, are falling down churning this stuff over and over, so it can make the writers of all this famous, rich, and prestigious, I have moved on I hope they have the maturity to do the same'.

MOVE ON FOLKS, IT'S OLD NEWS TO ELIZABETH!!!!!!!

[ilovemydoggy]

I have no sympathy for John Edwards. Where was his discipline? It's just LUST. A leader should be an example to people. Where was his strength?

For Baby Boomer perspectives: http://www.Vaboomer.com

[Onfya]

People, especially wives, always say the "other woman" was not loved, that it was lust or just sex. One thing about it, they had a kid together, he bought her a house and is giving her money. He lied to Liz, not to Rielle. He took time and money AWAY from Liz, not the other way around.

[OtayPanky]

IJill Brooke: Not only is she battling terminal cancer, but she now must muster the strength to deal with the news that her husband had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter.

===

According to John Edwards, both the affair and her confession happened while she was in remission. So your statement, while sympathetic, is factually false.

Both of them made the decision, shortly after the affair, that he would run for president. That choice made their whole life subject to the most intense scrutiny possible - and they both knew that going into the race.

We also have to acknowledge that in building the John Edwards "brand", he put his family life, and particularly his marriage to Elizabeth, front and center.

So right now, part of what she is having to deal with is her illness. Part of it is John's adultery. And part of it is her own decision to put the family back into the public eye directly afterward the affair.

Many have said it, but it needs to be said again: had he actually won the nomination, and this story had broken, the dems would be finished right now.

The Edwards had to have known the risks they were creating for both the party and the country by pursuing his political ambitions at this time.

I wish them both well...but I also wish they had made a different decision about running for president.

[Maezeppa]

Elizabeth Edwards asks us all to leave it alone, stop tormenting her family and to respect their privacy. Let's.

[blindjester]

Why does everyone in America feel they have the right to publicly comment on the moral failings of another? Are they all perfect?

Edwards didn't invent infidelity. Tens of millions of Americans preceded him in committing this particular moral mistake.

And it's nobody's business.

[esaslaw]

sorry. You are right about the rhwoing stones from glass houses part and surely we are entitled to the view that what happens between married couples should not matter to the rest of us, but it is important to some people who might decide who to vite for on that basis, and who gets elected as president is important to more than the edwards family.

I should have been told about this so I could decide how to vote with full knowledge of what was "out there."

That's all. No moral judgment on the rest of it; just I wish they had ben fair to those of us who vote.

[TheBlackCat]

That's the price you pay for power and fame: everyone knows your business and will comment upon it.

I agree that plenty of people have affairs, his having one doesn't necessarily make John Edwards morally bankrupt, or more immoral even than the average person. We've all done things we aren't proud of.

But he didn't have this affair 25 years ago when he was a young lawyer and not famous. He had it a couple YEARS ago, when he was a nationally recognized politician! I'm not saying its right, but in today's media if you're famous and you f*&k up and get caught, everyone IS going to know about it. Its not like he was ignorant of the fact that hey, if I become a famous politician, I will be held to a higher level of accountability than a normal person!

He knew EXACTLY what the consequences of a discovered affair would be. He rolled the dice (as many politicians and celebrities do), decided to do it anyways, and he got caught.

Fame comes with a high price. Don't get in the fgame if you aren't willing to pay that price. If you don't like your dirty laundry being aired for all the world to see, be an accountant, not a politician, actor, or the like.

[sheila]

uh, 90% of the world's women would be delighted to have the advantages Elizabeth Edwards has enjoyed during her lifetime. she was not burned alive for learning to read, for example. she is allowed to drive a car. she was not kidnapped from her elementary school to be a child sex-slave for african militias, or gang-raped by soldiers in any of a dozen conflicts. not only was she encouraged to have a successful career, but she had the choice to take a hiatus from it to raise kids while enjoying a standard of living above even 90% of americans, much less women of the world. she is not starving, nor are her children. her husband does not beat her, hold her hostage, and hasn't committed a murder-suicide. she has the option to divorce or stay, and will be financially secure either way. she was not sold into white slavery, locked into a sweatshop, or treated as chattel by male relatives.

of course being very ill and having an unfaithful husband, especially after losing a child, means that she has suffered a lot in her life, and of course, empathy is warranted. but if you want to "crusade" for women who need our support, you might want to look beyond the tabloids to the rest of the world. women are being tortured, abused, murdered, and denied education, opportunity and basic human rights. why not tackle some of that and let her work out her troubles in respectful privacy?

[Simone]

Egads! If you're going to pontificate like this about every article that happens to be about a woman?

[TheBlackCat]

This artile isn't suggesting we set up an Elizabeth Edwards charitble fund. Just commenting on what it must be like for her. You don't know ANYTHING about the authors of this article. Maybe they DO dedicate themselves to raising awareness for other causes. You can't assume they don't care about anything else just because they wrote ONE article you find trivial! For all you know they are part of the "Save Darfur" coalition, or are Big Sister mentors, or run a Haitian orphanage.

Of course she could have it worse. You could ALWAYS have it worse. That doesn't negate your own trials and tribulations. I work in a cancer hospital, you think when one of my patients breaks down in tears because she's going to lose a breast I tell her "Oh come on now, stop being such a baby. It's not like you're a sex slave in Estonia!"

Some of us have enough room in our hearts to feel compassion to ALL people who are suffering, not just those who have it the absolute worst in the world.

[esaslaw]

Cleveland, as Gail Collins points out in today's Times, was not married when he either had the "afffair" in question or allowed his name to be substituted for his married law partner, who actually had the affair. After the law partner died, he married, while in between presidential terms, the law partner's daughter. And yet the Republic survived.

[Lauren Cahn - Huffpost Blogger]

I see the validity of all arguments presented by the original post and by the commentators. BUT, one thing: I wonder why anyone would feel it is okay to call Elizabeth Edwards' cancer, "terminal". And as an ancillary question, how does it make sense to call her cancer "terminal" and then almost in the same breath, say that she is "fighting" it?

While EE's cancer is not currently CURABLE, it is NOT necessarily terminal. A new drug could come out tomorrow that could keep her cancer from growing for the rest of her life until she dies of some other cause. A new drug could come out tomorrow that could CURE her cancer. EE has to simply live long enough to make use of the latest relevant medical developments. Nothing is terminal, except LIFE. We all die. And it is a terrible thing to say that someone's cancer is terminal, especially when SHE HERSELF does not call it that.

Please rethink using such pronouncements.

And yes, I am a breast cancer survivor, so I am biased.

Lauren

[Kim Stagliano - Huffpost Blogger]

Lauren, great comment. I'm Mom to three girls with autism and fight for treatments to combat the "Oh, autism. Lifelong diagnosis. Dreadful. No hope." Horsepucky. We NEED hope - to hope is human, if you'll pardon my butchering the phrase.

Wishing you good health and happiness.

Kim Stagliano

[martinchill]

imagine reading a post that presented a knowledgeable perspectiv­e...

elizabeth edwards knew long ago. brooke makes it seem like she learned it from the national enquirer.

terrible.

[LAJonathan]

PRECISELY, and I am certain they have already made peace with it (who knows how long ago) only to have the Enquirer manipulate the original issue into an explosive Baby momma saga. I feel sorry for Mrs. Edwards, and also understand that it happened when John was running with Kerry, probably one of the most self centered moments of his life, on top of the world, felling big and tall - he made a mistake and I am sure he made amends long ago with his wife. Everyone needs to drop it.

[pcplz]

Yes, He is wrong. Men just can't seem to be faithful. They talk about honor and loyalty but can't handle it on their own if a woman blinks her eyes at them. Family values??? Don't get caught. That is what we all have descended to. Integrity out the window.

Now for the other woman.....­.she deserves to have fingers pointed at her. She knew, we all did, that the wife of the man she was after had cancer....­.is dying. She went after it anyway. That is low. And now that Elizabeth is getting worse and politics are huge...she spills the beans. I am sure she would have been taken care of had she been quiet, but no. Adverse celebrity.

Interesting timing....­don't you think?

[dora rice]

Elisabeth doesn't go through more, then most women do when their husbands leave. The people he so much supported cannot even live in luxury they way she can when he leaves. She has everything but him. This happens to millions every day. She has her good days and her bad. And who knows, she might be even happier if she doesn't have to worry about that liar anymore. And can make her own decisions every day. She is not helpless, She went on the curel campaign trail, so it's not like she stands on death doors. Maybe she would even have time for herself and work on herself for a change, then be his slave. So why this sympathy for someone who is in remission and can take care of themselves, she herself is a lawyer, so she knows what she has comming from theat sleezball. If you want to stay in a dependent relationship it's your own fault. She is dependent on food anyone can see that. This is not meant to be cruel or cold, its a matter of survival without a lying sleezball, who now hollers I have sinned.