Imagine Being Elizabeth Edwards
Imagine being Elizabeth Edwards.
Not only is she battling terminal cancer, but she now must muster the strength to deal with the news that her husband had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter.
Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards will admit tonight on ABC News that he did have an affair, but he didn't love Hunter. He also is expected to deny he is the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances, who was born last February.
I have no doubt that Edwards loves his wife, with whom he has had a relationship for over three decades. He clearly had bad judgement and in a bad moment created a situation that is now threatening his career as well as the trust of his family. I'm sure the conversation before the ABC interview between husband and wife was as painful as any medical procedure she incurred.
Infidelity affects the daily rhythm of life.
When she goes to the supermarket to shop for her family's groceries, Elizabeth Edwards knows that people are dining on this story while her husband is being more grilled than salmon from the press and Democratic colleagues.
Her girlfriends want to rally behind her, but who can bring up the subject with her? Calls that ask, "Are you OK?" will likely be met with stony silence. True friends know that it is up to Elizabeth Edwards to choose who she will share her private thoughts with on this matter.
She is likely thinking of protecting her children as well.
Catharine is a 26-year-old law student who is old enough to understand the ways of the world. Is she calling her mother asking if she will divorce her father? Is she asking her father to explain his conduct? Is she in her room sobbing into a pillow?
Both under 10, Jack and Emma Claire are too young to fully understand the nature of the story, but likely to feel the tension and pressure around them from their adult protectors.
When Christie Brinkley learned about her husband Peter Cook's affair with a young girl, she immediately whisked off the kids to a remote location where there were "no newspapers or TV." She wanted to shield them from the headlines. But you can't fully protect your children. When the trial started, they felt the heat of all those flashbulbs and the searing pain of the tawdry revelations.
As for Elizabeth Edwards, we hope that she can cocoon herself right now with loyal family and friends to help her get through this difficult period.
It's easy for many women to say, "I'd dump the bastard," until it actually happens to them. Many women across America are faced with unfaithful husbands during the course of a marriage and weigh the pros and cons of divorce. According to a recent study, 70 percent of married women didn't know of their husband's extramarial affair.
Most people believe that Hillary Clinton knew about Bill Clinton's infidelity and they had struck a Faustian bargain in their mutual pursuit of political power. She wasn't as mad that he got caught as she was that her secret was out. Most believe that Elizabeth Edwards didn't know about her husband's infidelity until recently but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and what agreements are silently made.
Those conversations are always difficult between a husband and wife. Therapists say it takes at least two years to rebuild trust in the wake of an affair and only after a lot of hard work.
How many get divorced as a result? Studies vary. One says only 17 percent result in a divorce while a recent Firstwivesworld.com poll said as high as 54 percent.
Why do people stay?
A fear of loneliness. A fear of change. A dread of dismantling a family that you spent a lifetime constructing and having your children ping-pong between two residences during holidays. There's also a comfort in the rhythm of family life, the carpooling, the grocery shopping for more than one, the weekday nights eating at the oak table with your old wedding china.
Whatever the outcome, this family will be forever impacted. Especially since the revelations are so public.
However, back in the 1800s, Grover Cleveland admitted he may have had an illegitimate child. Because he was honest, it didn't stop him from getting into the White House... But some people still wanted to put him in the dog house.
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I'm a devout devout agnostic, but...
"And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."
Elizabeth is only one woman among millions to have to go through this drama. It's a rough road. I still don't get the decision to go for the presidency or the game over the endorsement. That was her complicity in this.
What about Elizabeth Edwards? She knew and yet she stood with him while he epoused family values.
It is sad and heartless that the American public is focusing on a private and personal matter that is none of their business.
McCain cheated on his 1st wife with Cindy. Why isn't this mentioned. It doesn't matter to any sane person but lets be fair.
Edwards isn't even a candidate,McCain is.
People naturally love sex and it is no ones business except those involved.
If I were unable to provide sexual satisfaction top my partner for a long time I would want them to find someone who could. I wouldn't be so selfish as to deny someone I love something so natural and powerful as sex.
You are right on target with the Cindy McCain thing. But I do think there's a reason for that. I personally agree that politician's private lives are something i couldn't care less about. If John Edwards had been in the race when this was uncovered it wouldn't have affected my opinion of how good a politician he'd make one way or the other.
But as it is we DO unfortunately live in a celebrity "gotcha!" culture where famous people are run through the ringer for moral failings that many many many of us normal people commit with impunity.
So why has the MSM completely given McCain a free ride on this? My guess is that he (unlike Edwards) has admitted publicly to his indiscresion and taken full responsibility for it years ago, so there is no "gotcha" element to the story, so the media ignores it.
Its like how Obama admitted years ago to trying coke in college. Because he already admitted to it, its virtually ignored by the media. But if pictures were to surface suddenly of John McCain doing blow at a party, the media circus would be huge because they'd have a great "Gotcha!" moment.
There is a cover-up here with money transfers to the other women....a wife with cancer who knows how long she has....sorry go away John and spend your time with wife and kids....Good-Bye....
When we start making yenta journalism the lead item in the news when so many perilous issues that directly impact the nation are going on ....
when news stations introduce the kind of people who grind out the national Inquirer as "reporters" and give them the credibility of legitimacy..........
when the first couple of paragraphs here could just as easily be an Ugly Betty sub-plot instead of a much uglier topic that is nobody's business, after all...............
..........then we have to start looking at what the news is starting to tell us about U.S.
Maybe on President's Day Arrianna could have a guest columnist write up just how many of the signers fo the Declaration of independence zoomed who.
For starters there's Sally Hemmings. Franklin and Hamilton spent much of their lives with their hand in the cookie jar, etc, etc.
Finally, we've had eight years of a man no other woman could possibly want.
That should prove to you what a swell idea making political marital fidelity pertinent to anyone outside your family should be.
Maybe the Edwards' should move to Europe, where people are allowed to be grown-ups when they grow up.
Maybe the logical conclusion is that this should only b reported on and read by people who are totally faithful
-gala1
See Jayne Lyn Stahl's Profile
One is filled with horror at the thought of having to face some of the adversity visited upon a strong, and very brave woman who is dignified, and who would, rightfully, be offended by pity.
But, while we're at the business of imagining, let's imagine, too, what it's like to be a detainee on one of this administration's alleged "ghost ships," or what it's like to be held at Guantanamo Bay, waterboarded, or one of those murdered at Haditha. Maybe when we put marital infidelity in perspective, we see that, while it's hurtful, there are much worse things in the world to concern ourselves with, but we, in this country of Puritans and martyrs, love to lose ourselves in mostly irrelevant wars, distractions, and issues that do not properly belong to us, but instead to others.
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone," a wise man once said. How many of us are in a position to throw stones at anyone else?
John Edwards' actions do not reflect on anyone but John Edwards, not the Democrats nor the Republicans, for there are few among us without sin.
This may be true but most Americans are not running for the highest office in the land on a platform of family values/morals. This was an assault against every person who supported John Edwards, with their time and money. It was also potentially damaging to the Democratic party had John become the nominee, so I TOTALLY disagree with your analogy of casting first stone as being applicable in this situation.
No one made John/Elizabeth choose to run but John/Elizabeth did choose to be deceitful while running and that one issue is the truest essence of their sin - against us all.
Sin?!!!! Sex is comparable to torture,holding someone without cause?
Come on America,sexual morals are cultural constructs, sex is not a sin.
Nobody but the people involved knows the truth so how do you know what really happened?
Sex is not a sin. How do you know that there wasn't an agreement between the edwards/ They would never admit such in Puritan America.
Back off buddy. That's not what Jayne was saying and you know it. Read the sentence, not the word.
SShow 490, you are right. I remembered them being very judgemental of the Clintons. This is what happens when you worship idols with feet of clay.
The Edwards business is none of OUR business. Talk about McCain's affair with the Lobbyist.
Guess what?
It's past time for Americans to GROW UP and admit they have SEX ORGANS.
Some people will use these any which way they will.
It's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. And if it is, then I want YOU to put your mugshot on
a "wall of sex shame" everytime you have SEX with anybody. The IDEA of somebody other than YOU having sex appalls you?? What are YOU? A PRE-TEEN TITILLATION DRIVEN IMMATURE CHILD?
As long as YOU allow MEDIA to distract you by HYSTERIAL PEEPING TOM-ING everybody else's sex life,
you are TOO IMMATURE to vote, be married, raise children.
GROW UP, ALREADY. And find out what's important in life. SURPRISE! it's NOT everybody else's sex life. If you do not know this yet, you've GOT A LOT TO LEARN.
Guess what? It's time that people like you learn something about decency, fidelity, and character. There are those like myself, who have been married the same amount of time, who wouldn't think of doing such things and find it disgusting. Is character something I consider when voting? Absolutely! Apparently it isn't for you.
Maybe not this time but sometime, I wish one of these women would just say that's it. I hate it when they stand ny their man.
don't agree with having an affair but at least he didn't leave her sick and a single parent for a younger .richer model.
I have known of many cases of infidelity amongst friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and famliy members throughout my nearly 5 decades of life and it begs the uncomfortable question ...
Is monogamy the Human Race's natural state or is it an inorganic construct thrust upon it by societal convention?
If monogamy is an anathema to the Human Condition, then we shouldn't be surprised when infidelity occurs.
I received this answer to your question from a very good source,
No, Yes.
Now move on,
get on with your life
secure in the knowledge
that you have the answers to (2) of lifes most perplexing questions.
And hopefully anyone else who reads this
will see and understand the foolishness
of asking that question.
This is what I imagine, and it ain't pretty. I imagine a country that has forgotten its recent history, a society that gets their nickers in a bunch over a political figure having sex and deciding that what this country needs is a leader who claims to take the moral high ground and professes that things will be different when he's in power, even if he displays the intelligence and judgment of a lizard. I imagine a society that places the sexual behavior of a political figure as more important than what this country needs and then elects the lizard President. Does this sound familiar? Think back to 2000 and take a look at where we are now. Can we please get past all the moral judgment of the TV pundits and their high brow talk about how much a liar and a hypocrite Edwards is. So what! Let's move beyond the columnists and bloggers who grieve for the Edwards family and how awful it must be for Elizabeth and the kids. This is not our business in this political season. The Edwards don't need us to handle their private family problems. We don't need to be concerned with their private lives. Let's please move quickly beyond all this muck because it carries the danger of becoming a smoke screen that covers what we need to be looking at at this time in our history. We don't need to repeat it what we've been through the past 8 years.
Edwards was probably looking more for escape than to "get his rocks off." If the timing is as he claims, he had to deal with the 2004 loss and the news about Elizabeth's illness at the same time. He lost his footing and was looking for something to hang onto. Unfortunately, there are always women too ready to come to the "rescue".
This does not excuse him but Elizabeth has apparently already made the decision to keep the family together. They have had too much sorrow.
Elizabeth Edwards has probably known about this for quite sometime. Obviously her husband needed a sexual "outlet" if she was no longer able to have sex with him, due to her cancer.
It's weird and strange for him to announce that he "didn't love" the woman he had an affair with. AS IF that makes him seem less guilty or evil. As if he'll be 'forgiven' for his behavior.
Probably not the first time Edwards has cheated on his wife. Just the first time that the press found out.
So the affair was over with a year or two ago and Elizabeth has dealt with it and they've moved on, so why was he at the hotel where the mistress and the baby were at two o'clock in the morning?
I understand how our society focuses on sexual behavior as one of the markers of being a "good and worthwhile person." I understand how disgust at cheating or even seemingly anachronistic scowling over old-fashioned consensual sex between adults without any pretense of love or longevity, is reflective of our society's Puritan heritage. I "get" how "relationships" are to be worked on, be of "quality," and need to be "invested in" (using all the language and sentiment of capitalism). I think I know why we think that monogamy (even if only serial) is the most advanced sign of a moral, caring, and just society. I know how respectability for women continues to turn upon the notion of sacrifice and chastity both in and outside of marriage--and the belief that "women" prefer cuddles to carnal activities.
But I just don't understand how the definition of a good trustworthy male employee (or politician) continues to be defined as one who is a "devoted" family man. How dare any of us imagine that an "affair" is the worst thing that could happen to a marriage and/or to Elizabeth Edwards? It might be, but not everybody in this country is part of this "moral majority." I'll save my indignation for economic and political matters other than who slept with the videographer and when they did it.
According to John Edwards, she was aware of the affair before they announced he was running for president. In that light, you have to ask yourself - why the hell would she stump for him, ask people to give money to him, ask people to go out in the snow in Iowa to canvas for him, all while knowing he has no chance whatsoever to win?
Feel sorry for Elizabeth? You know who I feel sorry for? A worker who sent money he couldn't afford to the Edwards campaign. A college kid who put his education on the back burner to work for the campaign. A professional spokesman for the campaign who denied the affair and now looks like he was lying.
The whole thing is pathetic. But what's more pathetic is professional politicians who make a handsome living being nothing more than celebrities - the Paris Hiltons of the political world. And I feel sorry for all those people who put their work and their faith in them every time another election comes around that the celebrity himself - and his wife - knows he can't win, and they ask people to work and give anyway.
Well said sshaw490, well said............................
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