Imagine Being Elizabeth Edwards

Imagine being Elizabeth Edwards.

Not only is she battling terminal cancer, but she now must muster the strength to deal with the news that her husband had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter.

Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards will admit tonight on ABC News that he did have an affair, but he didn't love Hunter. He also is expected to deny he is the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances, who was born last February.

I have no doubt that Edwards loves his wife, with whom he has had a relationship for over three decades. He clearly had bad judgement and in a bad moment created a situation that is now threatening his career as well as the trust of his family. I'm sure the conversation before the ABC interview between husband and wife was as painful as any medical procedure she incurred.

Infidelity affects the daily rhythm of life.

When she goes to the supermarket to shop for her family's groceries, Elizabeth Edwards knows that people are dining on this story while her husband is being more grilled than salmon from the press and Democratic colleagues.

Her girlfriends want to rally behind her, but who can bring up the subject with her? Calls that ask, "Are you OK?" will likely be met with stony silence. True friends know that it is up to Elizabeth Edwards to choose who she will share her private thoughts with on this matter.

She is likely thinking of protecting her children as well.

Catharine is a 26-year-old law student who is old enough to understand the ways of the world. Is she calling her mother asking if she will divorce her father? Is she asking her father to explain his conduct? Is she in her room sobbing into a pillow?

Both under 10, Jack and Emma Claire are too young to fully understand the nature of the story, but likely to feel the tension and pressure around them from their adult protectors.

When Christie Brinkley learned about her husband Peter Cook's affair with a young girl, she immediately whisked off the kids to a remote location where there were "no newspapers or TV." She wanted to shield them from the headlines. But you can't fully protect your children. When the trial started, they felt the heat of all those flashbulbs and the searing pain of the tawdry revelations.

As for Elizabeth Edwards, we hope that she can cocoon herself right now with loyal family and friends to help her get through this difficult period.

It's easy for many women to say, "I'd dump the bastard," until it actually happens to them. Many women across America are faced with unfaithful husbands during the course of a marriage and weigh the pros and cons of divorce. According to a recent study, 70 percent of married women didn't know of their husband's extramarial affair.

Most people believe that Hillary Clinton knew about Bill Clinton's infidelity and they had struck a Faustian bargain in their mutual pursuit of political power. She wasn't as mad that he got caught as she was that her secret was out. Most believe that Elizabeth Edwards didn't know about her husband's infidelity until recently but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and what agreements are silently made.

Those conversations are always difficult between a husband and wife. Therapists say it takes at least two years to rebuild trust in the wake of an affair and only after a lot of hard work.

How many get divorced as a result? Studies vary. One says only 17 percent result in a divorce while a recent Firstwivesworld.com poll said as high as 54 percent.

Why do people stay?

A fear of loneliness. A fear of change. A dread of dismantling a family that you spent a lifetime constructing and having your children ping-pong between two residences during holidays. There's also a comfort in the rhythm of family life, the carpooling, the grocery shopping for more than one, the weekday nights eating at the oak table with your old wedding china.

Whatever the outcome, this family will be forever impacted. Especially since the revelations are so public.

However, back in the 1800s, Grover Cleveland admitted he may have had an illegitimate child. Because he was honest, it didn't stop him from getting into the White House... But some people still wanted to put him in the dog house.

Comments

[neuron]

Stand tall, Elizabeth. There are far bigger battles than this.

[sloLes]

Let's grow up. Elizabeth might understand and approve. She was battling for her life. And 'young' John's hormones were raging. Is it so unreasonable that he have a bit of erotic enjoyment on the side?

This story is meaningless in the big picture of American failure at home and abroad. It's no more than a diversion from the real choices ahead. The more attention it garners, the more it proves America has become an= nation of soaps, 'court TV,' and gossip. Isn't it time that we grow up?

let Edwards fade into history as an 'almost was.' His chance has come and gone. "Young' John is very much middle-aged. And his opportunity has come & gone. In the words of Shakespeare, this is "much ado about nothing."

Les

[benne]

How do we know that they do not have some sort of arrangement that includes such affairs? Why are so many Americans so bourgeois? Maybe they had an old-fashioned "white" marriage -- that is a marriage without sex. Now, I doubt it, I must say, since, among other things, she took fertility treatments to have biological children late in life after the car accident, and that is, admittedly, a sign of their commitment to a hyper-traditional form of marriage. But, who are we to be so sure that we know what kind of relationship they have.

[95flhtcu]

when I first read about this, I thought, My God, hasn't she been through enough? I'd find it hard to believe that this is the first and only affair. When her husband was running I really like her. I was never going to vote for him, but i liked her. My question is, with as wealthy as he is, couldn't he have kept a lid on this until after the election?

[sino53]

Ms. Brooke is incorrect about Grover Cleveland.

Grover Cleveland entered the White House as a bachelor. He got married during his first term as President.

When Cleveland had run for President (as a bachelor), his critics revealed that he had fathered an illegitimate child years before. But he wasn't married then. As with Edwards today, the woman in question had been with more than one man, and so it wasn't clear who the biological father of the baby was. Nevertheless, Grover Cleveland paid child support anyway. That proved to be just enough to mollify the voters, and he won a close election.

[banats]

We have two weeks of the Olympics that is full of hopes, dreams, loss, and politics to distract us from the Edwards...­..and from our own presidential campaign which I am sure we could all use a break from. So turn on your TV on 8/08/08 at 8:00 and lose yourself in a theatrical spectacle.

[Mildmannered]

Please read

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1024927/The-wife-John-McCain-callously-left-behind.html

[kitfox]

How come we can't get long winded articles like this on John McCains affair with Cindy?

Edwards is not a presidential candidate but John McCain is lets talk about him.

[standard]

Even tolerant progressives need to consider the alleged behavior here of Lisa Druck (aka Rielle Hunter), a woman old enough to be responsible but who is said to have had affairs in quick succession with at least two men with or for whom she was working at the time and, exercising no more caution than at least one of them, had a child in consequence. Her behavior neither explains nor excuses that of the men, but if equality and morality have any meaning, it's just as important to consider her role and its effect as theirs.

Notwithstanding the impact of all this on the family of the celebrity participant in this multi-party, multi-level lapse of judgment, it's important to bear in mind that the one person most affected is the consequent infant.

[Boadicea]

Last I checked, Hunter wasn't running for president, so her behavior risks only her own health and well-being. Edwards could have caused another 8 years of Republican rule in this country, and that would be a disaster, in my view. Still, she has "trouble" written all over her. I can see it from where I sit, Edwards certainly should have seen it.

As to this present piece - Elizabeth entered into the deception with her husband. He told her and his family about the affair when it occurred, and they all decided to deny it.

[standard]

Your point about Elizabeth Edwards is well taken; your point about the risk of eight more years of GOP war and misrule, chilling.

However, Ms. Druck and Sen. Edwards participated equally in the liaison that risked her health and his candidacy. As they were equal participants, her not having been a candidate (no less than his inability to become pregnant) strikes me as beside the point.

What a damned disappointment all of this is.

[drblack]

How does this risk health and well being. Balanced people who use protection aren't putting either in jeopardy.

[pearlone]

I imagine if I were Elizabeth Edwards I would want people to leave me and my family alone.

[FiLoLi]

I suspect the public knowing about the infidility may be the unexcusable part. It would be for me.

[texastrixie]

It is precisely because Elizabeth Edwards has put her family before any personal hopes and ambitions that is the basis for much of the outrage now directed towards John Edwards. She cannot leave this man. He is the father of her young children, and because she is deep within a cancer fight, she cannot separate these children from their other parent. She will always put her children first. I wish she could continue in her public role promoting universal health care, but I doubt if any of us would have enough restraint to simply not ask her about this situation. Everbody respects Elizabeth Edwards, thus everybody now pretty much despises John Edwards. Hopefully he will drop from public life and devote the next few years to his family. Other people can carry on the fight for poverty and the other issues he championed. But his days as a public figure are finished. Women will not forgive this betrayal.

[SShaw490]

How do you know Elizabeth felt about it? If John is telling the truth (and admittedly problematical notion), Elizabeth knew about the affair before his run for the presidency. In that light, you have to wonder what the heck she was thinking - she had to know he had no chance whatsoever. So why would she go along with him becoming a candidate? Why would she campaign for him, ask people to give money to him, ask people to volunteer for him? Not to mention that people went out and voted for him thinking he was a serious candidate - so who would they have voted for otherwise? Would their votes have changed the way the nominating process went? Would Obama have won easier? Would Hilllary have won? Who knows?

Him having an affair is bad enough - for he and Elizabeth to go out there and try to run a campaign when they knew he had no shot at all is inexcuseable.

[PatA]

Let's drop it. The media didn't make a hoopla over McCain's numerous affairs and people should rise above this and write about something else.
I didn't know either and everyone else in our town did. It sucks. Leave her alone.

[laocoon]

The sex drive may be what ultimately motivates achievement esp for men. I suspect that most candidates for Pres. have had above average sex drives. Yet we act like we all came from a Lotus flower when the sex drive shows. to me someone like Nixon is more disturbing than Clinton. What twisted urge for power motivates the male politician who is almost asexual. I have heard no comments from Eliz Edwards. She may be more understanding than most posters and commentators and John may have been giving her whatever she really needs now in her life. . Has her illness affected their marriage in ways where John needed that unique comfort from someone else? the spouse of the cancer victim is under stresses that are often ignored. Judge not. the only opinion I consider important on this is Elizabeth's.

[sino53]

The converse is equally true.

As Henry Kissinger once said, "Political power is the greatest aphrodisiac of all."

So the two things reinforce each other: Political power makes you horny. Being horny makes you restless and ambitious. Being restless and ambitious motivates you to gain more political power.

[NotMcCain]

Yes, but why did Edwards announce it this way? He's not running for anything.

Why not just make a statement (preferably NOT with Elizabeth standing there, too) saying that he'd had an affair, but not a child, with this woman and that the matter was being handled privately by the family?

Why THIS way? Seems even WORSE this way to me for Elizabeth and the children.

[Boadicea]

They've all known for two years! They were in on the deception. I wonder how many others in Edwards' camp were in on it?

[sino53]

He had to announce it now, because traditionally the losing candidates for the party nomination get plum slots in prime time to address the convention. If Edwards spoke at the convention while the National Enquirer was breaking the story in the streets, it would be disastrous.

There has also been grass-roots pressure on Obama to announce some big deal for Edwards, like promising him the job of Attorney General or something. Again, it would have been disastrous for Obama to make such an announcement during the campaign and then have the National Enquirer blow it up in his face.

Now, Edwards is likely to stay in the background at the convention (if he goes at all). He sure won't get to give a speech there.

[middlevillage]

How very sad. But how good that Edwards is not the Dems nominee...­.can you just imagine?
I guess if anyone is crazy enough to go into politics and does anything negative that the media can get ahold of, then they deserve what they get for being so naive. The world has turned upside down. The advent of cable news and the internet has made it almost impossible for anyone of 'news' interest to hide a secret or two. Everything is coming out in the wash for ratings and money.
My thoughts and prayers are with Mrs. Edwards and the Edwards children at this time.
Maybe they had a understanding and she knew all about John's affaire...­..and if that is the case, betcha that will be discussed 24/7 in the media as well. Stay tuned.

[emsique]

In my married life, I have had more than one opportunity to have an extramarital affair. I think a lot of people probably have. In my heart and mind, I felt that whatever thrill I might get was not worth losing my marriage over. So I am more than baffled, since guys like Edwards, have way more to lose than I ever did would put themselves at such a risk.

I am having a hard time imagining myself being John Edwards. Or Bill Clinton. Or any other guy who throws it all away to get his rocks off.