Imagine Being Elizabeth Edwards
Imagine being Elizabeth Edwards.
Not only is she battling terminal cancer, but she now must muster the strength to deal with the news that her husband had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter.
Former North Carolina Senator John Edwards will admit tonight on ABC News that he did have an affair, but he didn't love Hunter. He also is expected to deny he is the father of Hunter's baby girl, Frances, who was born last February.
I have no doubt that Edwards loves his wife, with whom he has had a relationship for over three decades. He clearly had bad judgement and in a bad moment created a situation that is now threatening his career as well as the trust of his family. I'm sure the conversation before the ABC interview between husband and wife was as painful as any medical procedure she incurred.
Infidelity affects the daily rhythm of life.
When she goes to the supermarket to shop for her family's groceries, Elizabeth Edwards knows that people are dining on this story while her husband is being more grilled than salmon from the press and Democratic colleagues.
Her girlfriends want to rally behind her, but who can bring up the subject with her? Calls that ask, "Are you OK?" will likely be met with stony silence. True friends know that it is up to Elizabeth Edwards to choose who she will share her private thoughts with on this matter.
She is likely thinking of protecting her children as well.
Catharine is a 26-year-old law student who is old enough to understand the ways of the world. Is she calling her mother asking if she will divorce her father? Is she asking her father to explain his conduct? Is she in her room sobbing into a pillow?
Both under 10, Jack and Emma Claire are too young to fully understand the nature of the story, but likely to feel the tension and pressure around them from their adult protectors.
When Christie Brinkley learned about her husband Peter Cook's affair with a young girl, she immediately whisked off the kids to a remote location where there were "no newspapers or TV." She wanted to shield them from the headlines. But you can't fully protect your children. When the trial started, they felt the heat of all those flashbulbs and the searing pain of the tawdry revelations.
As for Elizabeth Edwards, we hope that she can cocoon herself right now with loyal family and friends to help her get through this difficult period.
It's easy for many women to say, "I'd dump the bastard," until it actually happens to them. Many women across America are faced with unfaithful husbands during the course of a marriage and weigh the pros and cons of divorce. According to a recent study, 70 percent of married women didn't know of their husband's extramarial affair.
Most people believe that Hillary Clinton knew about Bill Clinton's infidelity and they had struck a Faustian bargain in their mutual pursuit of political power. She wasn't as mad that he got caught as she was that her secret was out. Most believe that Elizabeth Edwards didn't know about her husband's infidelity until recently but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors and what agreements are silently made.
Those conversations are always difficult between a husband and wife. Therapists say it takes at least two years to rebuild trust in the wake of an affair and only after a lot of hard work.
How many get divorced as a result? Studies vary. One says only 17 percent result in a divorce while a recent Firstwivesworld.com poll said as high as 54 percent.
Why do people stay?
A fear of loneliness. A fear of change. A dread of dismantling a family that you spent a lifetime constructing and having your children ping-pong between two residences during holidays. There's also a comfort in the rhythm of family life, the carpooling, the grocery shopping for more than one, the weekday nights eating at the oak table with your old wedding china.
Whatever the outcome, this family will be forever impacted. Especially since the revelations are so public.
However, back in the 1800s, Grover Cleveland admitted he may have had an illegitimate child. Because he was honest, it didn't stop him from getting into the White House... But some people still wanted to put him in the dog house.
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This is sanctimonious nonsense, Jill. How on earth do you know what this is like for Elizabeth Edwards?
Agreed! And if you're so sympathetic to Elizabeth's feelings, why don't you stop piling it on.
I agree. Marriages are as unique as the people that make them up. Many people cheat. Some studies say 50% of all married people are unfaithful at least once. Who's to say Elizabeth didn't know of the affair. She may not have cared. Just because YOU care or I care, it doesn't mean she did.
Right on--I read today that she has known about the affair since 2006. If so, then much of what you speculate in the article has already happened, if it ever did.
It was kind of cruel to break this story at this time when there is so much more that gets ignored. I feel sad for her and angry at her husband and the other woman.
"Imagine being Elizabeth Edwards. Not only is she battling terminal cancer, but she now must muster the strength to deal with the news that her husband had an affair with campaign videographer Rielle Hunter."
According to the interview, Edwards says his family has known for quite some time. EE did not learn of this from the National Enquirer.
"When Christie Brinkley learned about her husband Peter Cook's affair with a young girl, she immediately whisked off the kids to a remote location where there were "no newspapers or TV." She wanted to shield them from the headlines."
That happened after Christie Brinkley's infidelity to Billy Joel was revealed when she and her lover, Peter Cook, were in a helicopter crash at a ski resort where they were rendevousing.
My point is: let's all grow up and stop treating infidelity like a mortal sin and an incredibly rare occurence, and let's not treat people like Christie Brinkley as saintly victims. As my stepfather once told me, nobody knows what goes on in a marriage except the two people in it; we don't know what sort of knowledge or arrangement might have existed between the Edwardses. Elizabeth is stronger than most of us will ever be, and we do her no service by infantilizing her in this way. She has my sympathy, but she doesn't need us to shed tears for her. She doesn't have time for that, and good on her.
You got Christie Brinkley's husbands mixed up! Peter Cook (her latest hubby and also a cheater) wasn't with her in that plane crash. The man with her was her soon-to-be third husband (also not a very nice man).
It wasn't Peter Cook that Christie was in the helicopter crash with. That guys name was Rick (Taubman??) She married him and divorced him a few months later. She made him (bought him off) sign papers that he would never see their son. Peter Cook came later.
News reports say she has known about this affair for years, so the shock of the affair itself isn't a concern, but the massive media attack will be.
Then again...John said 1) the affair ended years ago and 2) the baby wasn't his. EIther or both of these statements is a lie, and if he told Elizabeth it was over and it's clear it is not (the hotel visit).....THAT might be as bad/worse than the affair itself.
You know the National Enquirer is popping bottles right now celebrating actually being right.
I am sure that Elizabeth's response will be measured, logical and direct. I know she must be hurt, but she has one of the strongest intellects and firm belief systems than anyone I have ever met. I am so sorry that this happened to her; for it is not something she deserves by any measure. Cate is also strong and I hope she gets through this. As you pointed out, the other kids are too young to understand now; in the future, who knows how they will affected. I know Wade would be very confused, disappointed and hurt.
The story I read said that Edwards told Elizabeth about the affair back in 2006. So she has known for a long time, and has chosen to stand by him (even through his presidential run). Who knows why people make the choices they do. It is his children I feel for now.
feel schmeal
LOTS of kids dads dally...
They don't have creepy press trying to pull their private lives apart...
Kids adapt..
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