In Divorce, Giving Up the "Wifestyle" Is Not Easy

Poor Heather Mills. She is truly a desperate housewife. Like many, she didn't fully digest how her "wifestyle" would disappear after breaking-up with a husband of fame and fortune. She was so used to the flashbulbs and fawning friends as the wife of Sir Paul McCartney that she became drunk with her self-importance. Imagine her surprise when minus McCartney, this former stripper was stripped of prestige and perks. Poof. All gone.

Now Mills is imploding on television, spewing out venom and genuine looniness, as she inhales any television camera that will come near her. For a price of course. She must deliver the Faustian bargain of bad-mouthing Paul McCartney, the father of her daughter, Beatrice. So addicted to attention is she that Mills reportedly refused millions just to shut up and go away.

All those in the divorce field know that bad-mouthing the ex is a no-no that rarely pays off. Nicole Kidman didn't diss Tom Cruise nor did Reese Witherspoon fire grenades at Ryan Phillipe. One must protect the child's relationship with each parent. Mills should find other sources to share the frustration and sadness of the experience. Vent to a therapist, a family member or to a friend.

But a problem lurks behind the divorce door as well. Friends become scarce. Especially if you haven't been so nice with your position.

"It becomes a real shock to many ex-wives how after divorce all the invitations suddenly dry up like a desert," says celebrity divorce attorney Raoul Felder, who has represented Rudy Giuliani and Robin Givens."The phone stops ringing, friends disappear and side with the person with more money and power. It's very hard for them. "

Unless of course your identity and popularity are not defined by your husband's success. Look at the outpouring of support for Cecilia Sarkozy, who said au revoir to her husband Nicolas, France's President. Presidential perks weren't enough to keep her in an unfulfilling marriage and divorcing, as she poignantly told Elle Magazine, "is an act of honesty." She didn't trash her husband or berate him. . After devoting 20 years of her life "in his shadow," Cecilia said she didn't' want to live a "pretend" life any longer. At least by divorcing, she now has the possibility of finding pleasure and contentment while there is still sunlight. She isn't a woman who looks at her life with regrets but as unclaimed possibilities that she will now pursue.

It is a conclusion that many women reach.

According to an AARP study, two thirds of people initiating divorce are women.

But some women like Sarkozy divorce with class, while others like Mills, are simply crass..

Comments

[TJS]

"It becomes a real shock to many ex-wives how after divorce all the invitations suddenly dry up like a desert..."

Here's a hypothetical question: Would Hillary Clinton be the Democratic frontrunner today if Bill had divorced her before he became President?

[ohfarr]

Loved your last line, "women like Sarkozy divorce with class, while others like Mills, are simply crass.." We always new that Linda McCartney would be a very hard act to follow.

[chinohillster]

I think many women in their 40's and 50's, after having spent 18-20 years caring for children, husband, house AND (in many cases, ANOTHER job outside the house) get to a point of extreme weariness with meeting EVERYONE ELSE's needs, and wanting happiness for themselves.

As the kids get older, developing their own lives, friends and relationships, a spouse's inability to relate on an emotionally satisfying level may become much, much more apparent - and many women, no longer like previous generations who were dependent upon a husband's income, decide upon divorce.

Painful and disruptive, yes - but it IS possible to be amicable with a former spouse and for both parents to cooperate when it comes to the kids.

[BARRISTER]

You still cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear - technology notwithstanding.

[desertdweller]

How bad could Sir Paul be? Linda (Eastman) McCartney could neither sing nor play piano, yet he let her be part of the band. Maybe he was a twit - but hether married him nonetheless.