John McCain and Barack Obama -- America's First Campaign Where Divorce May Be a Good Experience for Leadership Skills

When Hillary Clinton finally divorces herself from delusion and exits from the race, the two remaining candidates, Barack Obama and John McCain, will be part of a historic campaign -- the first time in American history where both candidates have been affected by divorce.

Barack Obama's mother, Ann, was divorced twice and had two children from separate marriages, Barack Obama and his half-sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng. In this family scenario, Barack Obama had to learn to navigate divorced family dynamics with a stepfather who naturally may favor his own child and also deal with the emotional sting of an absent father. As is common in divorced families, Obama also lived with a single working mother with reduced economic resources and rationed time that made him become, as his half-sister later recalled, a child who took on a "paternal" role as her big brother.

John McCain married his first wife, Carol, in 1965 and became the stepfather of Doug and Andy, whom he later adopted. They subsequently had a daughter, Sydney. When McCain divorced Carol, and married Cindy, they had three children, Meghan, Jimmy and Jack and later adopted Bridget from Mother Teresa's orphanage in Bangladesh. His clan now consists of seven children.

What may these candidates have learned from their divorce experience that will help them in the White House? Plenty.

Don Gordon, an Ohio University professor and creator of the "Children in the Middle" program for divorcing families, notes that both candidates are likely to have learned resilience. "Being president is a piece of cake compared to going through a divorce." he said. "This resilience serves them well in dealing with lengthy stressful situations" since divorces take an extended amount of time to be resolved. "They can tough it out no matter how bad it gets." Indeed, most divorces require negotiation, compromise and agreeing to disagree.

Another bonus. The candidates are more likely to be sensitive to governmental policies that protect children. Also, both are more likely to make family health care coverage a priority, since many divorced women lose their health coverage.

Jeannette Lofas, the president of the New York based Stepfamily Foundation, hopes that the candidates will support federal funding to measure the impact of divorce and remarriage on American life. "No research is adequately measuring stepfamily life in America," she says. "In stepfamily life, children reside in one house and visit another. This impacts the economics of both households as well as the family relationships. Both candidates understand this dynamic."
Perhaps now a discussion could take place for tax breaks for these families, since a dependent is usually claimed by only one household.

From experience I know that a divorced household is like living in two countries, with two different sets of traditions, rules and expectations. Brokering peace becomes a necessity. And some do it better than others.

President Ronald Reagan was the first candidate in U.S. history who had experienced a divorce. His daughter Maureen, who he had with his first wife, Jane Wyman, was a devoted campaigner for her father. And his wife Jane never badmouthed him.

As soon as I heard that Rudy Giuliani's children, Andrew and Caroline, would have nothing to do with their father, I stopped any support I may have given him. As an expert on divorce, having written about it for 15 years at places including CNN, CBS and the New York Times, as well as being the editorial director for the divorce site "FirstWivesWorld.com" and a certified stepfamily coach, I knew immediately that this man would not be a good president.

Andrew, a professional golfer at Duke, and Caroline, a Harvard student, were hard-working, honorable and accomplished children, not drug addicts or rich brats. Why didn't Andrew Giuliani campaign for his father? "There is a little problem that exists between me and his wife," Andrew told a reporter. The fact that Rudy Giuliani couldn't broker peace in his own family didn't bode well for him skillfully negotiating with Congress or foreign countries. Furthermore, he humiliated his ex-wife, Donna Hanover, in public without any respect for their history.

However, John McCain's ex-wife Carol remains on friendly terms with her ex-husband. If an ex-wife says something nice about the ex-husband, that's a hell of an endorsement.

McCain also adopted her two children when they married. It is still rare for stepfathers to adopt and take on full financial and emotional responsibility. Furthermore, McCain still keeps in contact with all of his children.

Barack Obama's sister is part of his life as well. She is campaigning for her brother in Hawaii. All three of his parents -- his mother, father and stepfather -- are deceased.

Aside from their divorce experience, both John McCain and Barack Obama are left-handed. Perhaps in the ensuing months, this political race will create an opportunity for further discussions on the family dynamics that impact 30 million people and show that divorce today is no longer left of center.

Comments

[rmajh5]

Speaking of divorce, Rick Santorum writes in today's Philadelphia Inquirer that he believes we must move quickly to make same sex marriage illegal or else face "the end of marriage, a decline of the family, more children being raised without dads, and a deep erosion of our freedom of religion." ("A wake-up call on gay marriage after '03 alarm went unheeded" 5/22/08)

Forgive my hesitation to jump on his band wagon, but don"t we in America have a long list of such claims about marriage. As I recall my personal experiences, I have heard others demanding that Catholics not marry Protestants, Christians not marry Jews and visa versa and Blacks and Whites not be permitted to marry each other. Despite these calls, marriages involving these diverse groups have expanded in number, and none of these have in any way adversely affected my own marriage to a woman of my own faith.

Which leads me to two questions. Just how and why would the marriage of two people of the same sex who love each other and who want to declare their intention to spend their lives together as a married couple adversely effect me or the lives of my children? And does such a broadside against homosexuals not seem extremely similar to those broadsides which in earlier years railed against interracial marriages? I wonder.

[Burnsey]

I'm glad to answer your last two questions in your final paragraph. The marriage of my partner and I on June 27th, here in California, won't affect you one iota.

And yes, the broadside is exactly the same as the others you listed.

Everyone wants equal rights for themselves, it's giving equal rights to the other folks that's the problem.

[Rog49Thomas]

Taking this argument to its logical conclusion, a guy who was in a prison camp for several years under appalling conditions would be expected to (a) oppose unjust incarceration, (b) torture, etc.

Funny how neat intellectual theories don't always work out.

[reggieb]

OK OK you've convinced me.
for the good of America I will get a divorce.

[PioneerKing]

McCain committes adultery. McCain did not suffer from divorce; the divorce was a convenience for McCain.
Moreover, the McCain family has thrown the brown skinned adopted daughter under the bus in their effort to court agents of intolerence.
The adopted daughter is never mentioned by the McCains and she has been kept away from the famous McCain family BBQ's that are hosted to court campaign donors and the media.
McCain is a self absorbed political opportunist who would do anything, say anything to get elected and has thrown his adopted daughter under the bus.
This says a lot about McCain's character, and the adultery, McCain's purported "strong on republican family values," is just another media myth like McCain's a "straight talking maverick."

[JulieSA]

In what way did McCain throw his "brown skinned adopted daughter" under the bus? You know, she's a minor, in school, and the family is well aware that people like you who are obsessed with skin-color love to attack her. There's a reason she needs her privacy--it's because of people like you who constantly make an issue of her ethnicity, while normal people don't notice it.

She'll be at events as the campaign progresses, and as school permits.

[Donk]

Let's not forget that Bush's slimemeister Karl Rove started a brownskinned baby rumor in SC during the 2000 primary. May he burn in hell for it.

[walk0nwalls]

Yeah. I don't know anything about previous posts you've written but this one's very well-written. Good job.

[Javani]

This is one of the most interesting and least derivative pieces I've read here. Thanks.

[Achrelius]

More left handed candidates (2 of them presidents, too): Ross Perot, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton.

[Gma11]

It seems the two have learned very different lessons if one studies the policies they're supporting.

[marmama]

Jill, this is really embarassing. Ever heard of Google? In '92 all three candidates were left-handed!

[Burnsey]

Why is it embarassing? She simply stated that another thing both of these particular candidates have in common is that they are left handed. What does that have to do with the 92 campaign? She never said there were not any other candidates that have been left-handed.

Marmama, you need to read (coherently, I might add) before you write. I suppose YOU must be embarassed now.