Just Say "No" to Hung
Dear Producers of HBO's Hung:
As a concerned citizen and consumer of respectable television programming, I am deeply troubled by your new series, Hung.
At first glance, the show's premise seems innocent enough: Ray Drecker, (Thomas Jane) is a divorced, down on his luck, high school basketball coach, raising two teenagers, in the Midwest. After experiencing a string of bad breaks, he enrolls in a self-help, get rich seminar, in an effort to address mounting financial burdens.
OK. These are indeed tough times full of additional challenges due to a tenuous economy. So its understandable that someone would make an earnest attempt to improve their diminishing portfolio by utilizing all their skills and assets.
But after just a few minutes into the first episode, the unsuspecting viewer soon learns that Drecker's greatest asset is actually his God-given, over-endowment, as Ray begins moonlighting as a male escort.
I take no issue in the entrepreneurial spirit of the show's main character. As a matter of fact, I believe that it's this kind of picking-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps mentality that has made this country what it is today. But there is a deeper dilemma that now plagues me and an often under-recognized sect of society.
As someone of the female persuasion, I have spent a lifetime supporting the adage that size doesn't really matter. Now I am relegated to role of poker-faced cheerleader since my not so well-endowed boyfriend's attempts to satisfy in the boudoir have fallen short due to the severe emotional trauma he has suffered resulting from this latest attempt at envelope-pushing programming by cable TV producers.
The weeks, months, of convincing him that size isn't really an issue, all for naught due to the greed of HBO execs looking to make a fast buck by exploiting the fascination of the American public when it comes to male organ size.
Is there someone I can sue for the emotional damages incurred, not to mention the pain and suffering I have endured as a result of this latest nouveau programming faux pas of sizeable magnitude? How about some sort of reimbursement for the extra therapy and couples counseling me and my boyfriend will now be forced to undergo due to the network's selfishness? Can I at least get a credit on my cable bill?
And while this is just one sad saga, I suspect I am not the only one experiencing increased angst and life-altering implications at the hands of irresponsible and insensitive television producers.
Let's face it. Not everyone is going to measure up in the penile department now that bigger being better is open for discussion. Even the most self-assured male among us may be relegated to posing age-old questions once put to rest by reassuring partners and Dr. Ruth.
I wonder what a show like this says about us as a society; one that glamorizes the haves, while diminishing those who pale in comparison. Will men and women who were once presumed to reside in far away places like Mars and Venus, grow even further apart as they recoil into their respective intergalactic corners, facing even greater challenges during a time when the female-male relationship is already challenged enough? Could Hung be the end of civilization as we know it?
Look, I've lived through a post Sex in the City world, where I finally gave up trying to get in touch with my inner Carrie, especially during these lean fiscal times, when my Manolos have been replaced by Payless. But now that there's a new Mr. Big in town, where does that leave the average Joe and the women who love them?
Come on, HBO. Have a heart. The ball's in your court. I anxiously await your reply.
Your Former Loyal Customer,
Jill Rachel Jacobs
PS: Any word on when the DVD's are out for this season's True Blood?
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I'm sure any "severe emotional trauma he has suffered" by watching an HBO show was dwarfed by you telling the world he has a small dick!
that is exactly what I thought as well middleoftheroad!!
OKAY!!!!!!!!
As Freud commented, the prosperity of a joke depends on the ear of the listener not the tongue of the joker. So too with satire. It is no surprise that a metatastic corporate culture (buy bigger, it's just better) would confuse size with value. Or confuse a viable premise with a cheap gimmick. Older jokes that proved reassuring like, "It's not the size of the wand, it's the skill of the magician," now fall on deaf ears. Size constitutes identity and simulation equals sensation. Priapic terminators and shape-shifting priapic transformers sucker little weenie boys into enlisting, whereupon they find themselves in a "small" (low budget) movie they would never watch like Hurt Locker, one of the best films on war culture they will never see. You're not listening, . . . what is that stuck in your ear?
"It's not the size of the wand, it's the skill of the magician"
Um, not quite. The "wand" has very little to do with the pleasure women want -- if men thought more about their partner and less about "themselves," they're have happier wives/girlfriends.
This obsession with the male organ and all of it's sizes is a male obsession, a porn obsession. Religion and sex as procreation plays a part too...it's ingrained into the culture.
I know exactly how Jill feels. My sig. other is upset that he isn't a vampire. I've told him and told him that not everyone can be vampires and that I love him anyway, but True Blood has brought up all those old insecurities I thought we had dealt with years ago.
I know how you and Jill feel. My girlfriend is really down in the dumps because me and my three wives won't let her be the Fourth Wife. It's really hard to explain that we decided early on to stop at three. She says that the family on HBO was trying to have a Fourth, and now just because an HBO show says that polygamist families have four wives, she's using this as a tool to pressure us into committing. Let's face it, without this Big Love program, she never, ever, even would have thought such a thing were possible. HBO be damned!
Think you got problems? We got Showtime & my girlfriend wants me to become the King of England!
What about the series? Jill, what did you think of the first episode?
Will "Hung" be the biggest thing since "The Sopranos?"
Does it have staying power? Or, after the first few episodes, will the ratings go limp?
Huh. Men, welcome to our world. You get to feel inadequate and demoralized at every media encounter!
We are so convinced that bigger is better that boob jobs are, uh , big business. How can we expect guys to feel different about their endowments?
Kudos to Jill Rachel Jacobs! What a clever and funny article. I would have enjoyed it even more if I weren't her SOON TO BE EX BOYFRIEND!!
Thanks for letting it all hang out! I hope you and "Mr. Bigger" are very happy together.
(Hey, DatelessNerd, u single?)
Nice piece. Satire done well.
Very subtle and well crafted.
Personally I would have tossed in some examples and really done more with certain aspects. But that's a personal preference. I also would have pushed as to how small it really is. Something along the lines of how it can't be seen sometimes, or that it hides like a turtle head seeking refuge into the shell.
But still good stuff.
It's a terrible show.
Well, I agree with the sentiment that bigger isn't necessarily better for one thing. I happen to be a pretty small gal, and it would be downright painful. My husband's just right!
And that's rather my point. People in "the industry" will be the first to tell you that it's more trouble than it's worth. There are many buxom blondes who'd love to work in that field, but fail purely based on the fact that they cannot handle it for the pain. But I wouldn't blame the industry or any specific show creators really. It's society that buys the product and they are the ones with the penchant for men with big guns.
With respect, to go so far to say that they would be the ones causing this harm to your relationship is a bit melodramatic in my humble opinion. There are many men in this world who have their insecurities about this topic, but most of the ones I've known that fall into the same category are the ones who give the most time and maybe even money to "the industry." I'm not saying that's your guy, but simply that I'm aware of a trend. My point for that being simply, that if a person is so heavily affected as you described by one episode of a television show - perhaps that person was still very fragile on the subject and hadn't made near the progress you thought. Also, the issue may go a bit deeper as well.
I dunno, can't really blame HBO for the comparative series. p0rn has always featured stars with heroic proportions. "Long John" Holmes set the standard a generation ago for all young men to measure up to, and we all were wanting. But somehow we swallowed our pride and managed to bear the shame, and procreated happily.
Great writing! Fabulous satire!
Jill, I hope your boyfriend's okay with the fact that you just told the entire world he has a small wiener. You did clear that with him first, didn't you?
Come on people?? Are you stupid? This is classic satire. (and very well done!) Funny, biting and so subtle you got people actually thinking it's true. (Of course, on the other hand, if it is true Ms. Jacobs, time to dump that "small"' man of yours. Life is too short...On
If they don't get it, satyr failed.
You are totally correct. Movie and Television executives have tremendous power to ruin men’s confidence. The movie that forever ruined mine and left me riddled with self doubt was “Young Frankenstein”, which I always thought should have named “Hung Frankenstein”. Prior to that, I had never thought about the advantages or disadvantages over “size” but after hearing Marty Feldmen say: “he’s going to be very popular”, I realized that those without out large formally dead surgically attached “P-words”, will forever be considered as not being all they could be. Maybe your timely words will finally penetrate through the thick skins of these heartless executives. Until then, our only hope is that someone will invent a pill that can lift our confidence much like that purple pill lifts something else.
Heh, cute article. :-)
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