Warning: the blog post you are about to read contains some serious, soul-searching reflection. This isn't for the unenlightened person.
I'm totally kidding. Today, I'm writing about fashion trends that make me roll my eyes and shake my head. Maybe I'm old. Maybe this is ranty and curmudgeony. Maybe my sense of what's fashionable stopped working in about 2002.
But here are seven things that people wear that I just don't understand ... and if I were the fashion police, here are some people that would be totally getting a ticket.
1. Yoga Pants Mom
Before an angry mob of moms descends on me with pitchforks I'm gonna call uncle and clarify that I'm not suggesting anyone give up their comfy, stretchy garments of goodness. Heaven forbid, right? But yoga pants are the new sweats. Or, we call all sweats yoga pants now. Maybe I'm a snob. Maybe I'm a purist. Maybe the fact that the non-yoga doing masses have declared yoga wear to be their uniform bugs me. What, to admit to wearing sweats in public sounds sloppy but calling them yoga pants is fashion forward? Color me puzzled.
2. Rockin' The Chevron People
Everyone is rockin' their chevrons -- headbands, throw pillows, diaper covers. Chevrons are taking over the planet, people. Although the market is flooded with all things chevron, I don't hate the actual chevron pattern, in smallish doses. But, can we please go back to calling it zigzag? Me, I'm hoping polka dots make a big comeback soon but some "trendsetter" will probably rename them "spherical saturation" or something dumb like that.
3. Public Pajamas Chick
You can't shake a stick in Walmart without hitting a female between the ages of 15 and 36 wearing cutsey-poo jammie bottoms adorned with princess crowns or little scottie dogs with hair bows. And when I say shake a stick, I mean there are lots of pajama-wearing people, not that I actually walk around the store wielding a stick (but there's a thought).
I'm sure there are some legit reasons to run errands in your sleepwear, people, like life-threatening illness and needing to make a pharmacy run. But being too lazy to put on real pants or thinking you're making a fashion statement? Just no. And double no if you accessorize your jammies by tucking them in to your Uggs. That's just ... well, ugly.
4. Exposed Bra Strap Girl
There's really not a lot I can say about this, other than that strapless bras need to make a comeback. Its old school but I have two rules for undergarments: I wear them and they don't show. Tank tops are cute and comfy but not everyone should be getting a gander at your over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, even if you're "rockin' the chevron" in the brassiere department.
5. Pants With Ruffles
These are cute on the three and under crowd. Maybe. One of my friends calls these "wiggly pants" and insists they look adorable on her 11-year-old. Pssst ... they don't.
6. Knit Hat Dude
I have no gripe with a knit hat as a winter accessory. Because ... ya know ... it keeps your head warm when it's cold outside and stuff. But what is up with people wearing a knit beanie in the middle of the summer? Doesn't that make your head sweaty? Is that a good thing? Why do people wear them in the gym? To sweat more? So. Many. Questions.
7. Big-Ass Hair Bows
I love to see a little girl with a cute hair accessory. Except when it looks like a spaceship landed on the top of her little head.
Bows that should have their own zip code? We should rethink this one people or our next generation of young women is gonna have some serious neck problems.
I could go on about jeggings, Matilda Jane, over-40 women who over-accessorize with Hello Kitty and Aztec-themed prints ... but I think I'll just stop here. Maybe clothes don't make a man (or woman) but some of these sure give me something to giggle at when I'm at Walmart.
More:Funny Fashion Police Fashion Trends Fashion Trends That Make Me Roll My Eyes Fashion Trends I Hate
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