You have, by now, probably seen TIME Magazine's latest cover.
I thought it would be funny to make a mock cover illustrating the absurdity of the attention grabbing scene. So I did:
I posted it on my Facebook page and took a shower. When I came back, I read through the comments. Comments like this:
" I am offended by this cover because not all women can breast feed and formula is the only option""I'm thinking there are a lot of moms that feel guilty about not giving their baby's breast milk from reading these posts and this silly picture."
"Formula feeding IS harmful for babies. Breast is best."
"Unbelievable. SOME of us did not have another choice. Let's add one more load of guilt on women who constantly worry that their every decision is damaging their children."
"So, I'm a bad mom because I work? Thought I liked you, Scary Mommy. Unfollowing now."
You know how it sucks to tell a joke and then have to explain the punchline? Um, yeah.
For the record, I am a working mom. I formula fed all of my kids and my boys are circumcised. If a cover like that were actually published, (which, given the fact that half of the people thought it was real, doesn't seem all that far-fetched,) I would be the ultimate failure of a mother. I thought that was clear.
The original TIME cover is absurd and does little other than pit mother against mother over the most personal of choices. No, even if I could, I would not breastfeed my almost 4-year-old. Most mothers wouldn't. But, that's not the point. The point is that we should not allow a magazine to divide us like this. TIME knew exactly the effect this cover would have on the nation and it succeeded beautifully. News shows are all over it, Twitter is abuzz and it's the top story in every paper. Mothers verses mothers, once again. Well played, TIME, this will surely be one of the best selling issues of the year.
So, how about instead of allowing this to ignite the Mommy Wars, we fight back? Let's not divide ourselves. Let's not criticize one another's choices and let's not allow ourselves to feel like failures. Haven't we had enough? They can publish whatever stories and covers they want, but we don't need to buy into it. We can win this one.
I think it's Time.
Follow Jill Smokler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/scarymommy
"The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself." www.themommypsychologist.com
If only there was a stronger network of breast feeders and mothers who can't, that would be so much better than formula. The old "wet nurse" idea, milk from someone else - not quite as good, but certainly more healthful and natural! If I had known there was a demand - I would have continued to produce milk for those mothers who need it.
I will still continue to ask each and every pregnant woman I talk to if they intend to nurse, however. Spread the word - take the stigma away.
Has your child ever had formula? If not, how do you know what the effects are? Just because someone wrote a report about it, doesn't mean it is entirely true. I for one have breastfed and formula fed my children. You know what, they didn't change. They still maintained their happy demeanor. They weren't sickly children. They didn't act out. They are normal, healthy children. Don't knock it til' you try.
As far as you asking pregnant women if they intend to nurse, stay out of their business.
No, I never used formula, I determined that since I was able, I could save a whole lot of money (I am not a "1%er" - hunderds of dollars vs. $0 was an easy choice), time, effort, and water (bottles, bottles, bottles) by nursing. I was thinking more about myself and my ease than the children's health- so does that mean that I am self absorbed?! Health was an added bonus.(2 years). I also didn't give my kids a sippy cup - does that mean that I am against people who do?! I didn't carry a designer (or any) diaper bags or give my kids pacifiers - uh oh!!
AND - There are a LOTS of reports - am not one of those who hear one thing (misinterpret them) and then go blasting my one-sided new "knowledge" to all. I am fully aware that this stuff is made in a lab, however, and that like other animals (yes, we are those), we have a cheap and easy way to feed our offspring. I guess it's the "health nut" in me that also doesn't eat processed food.
Also, I certainly didn't make any implications about health - in fact I did say that it's terrible that people feel ostracized....I am really confused by the combattive nature of your comments. There are also many, many people who smoke and never suffer, walk tightropes and don't fall....
I would NEVER criticize ANYONE for not nursing.