Scary Mommy Manifesto

Please solemnly recite the following before proceeding:

• I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable.
• I shall not judge the mother in the grocery store who, upon entering, hits the candy aisle and doles out M&Ms to her screaming toddler. It is simply a survival mechanism.
• I shall not compete with the mother who effortlessly bakes from scratch, purees her own baby food, or fashions breathtaking costumes from tissue paper. Motherhood is not a competition. The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.
• I shall shoot the parents of the screaming newborn on the airplane looks of compassion rather than resentment. I am fortunate to be able to ditch the kid upon landing. They, however, are not.
• I shall never ask any woman whether she is, in fact, expecting. Ever.
• I shall not question the mother who is wearing the same yoga pants, flip-flops and t-shirt she wore to school pickup the day before. She has good reason.
• I shall never claim to know everything about any child but my own. (Who still remains a mystery to me.)
• I shall hold the new babies belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new mother really wants.
• I shall attempt to not pass down my own messed up body issues to my daughter. She deserves a mother who loves and respects herself; stretch marks, cellulite and all.
• I shall not preach the benefits of breastfeeding or circumcision or home schooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It's none of my damn business.
• I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a loud-mouthed, bikini clad, water gun shooting toddler of my very own.
• I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me.

Excerpted from "Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary" by Jill Smokler. Published by Gallery Books.

 

 

 

Follow Jill Smokler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/scarymommy

Comments

[OohLaLayla]

08:58 PM on 04/14/2012

No mother is perfect. No child is perfect. And that is the point. We are to learn from one another. I LOVED this article. My husband is constantly trying to make me learn how to bake from scratch like his mother and grandmother, and it's just not going to happen.
I like my boxed brownies, TYVM.

[Khyraen]

04:38 AM on 04/12/2012

What childless by choice person reads a Mommy blog and posts comments on the joys of not having kids? Yes, that's my comment. It's like reading midwife blogs to speak of the benefits of an OB. Oh wait...Dr. Amy. It takes all kinds.

I got: Keep things in perspective, offer grace, be flexible, mind your own business, and be content from this. You should add: Do her dishes while the new mom showers. :)

[nmc782]

11:14 PM on 04/11/2012

This list makes me want to read her book! :)

[Ashley Rae Amigoni]

10:40 PM on 04/11/2012

I wish more parents would read this. I am so tired of hearing criticism on me breastfeeding, not letting my baby cry it out, how I am "spoiling" her, and especially those mothers who feel that since they raised a couple kids, that they know it all and they can come give me unwanted advice or tell me what to do. You raised your children how you wanted, now let me raise mine how I want. I know some mean well, but I think they forget how annoying such actions can be.

[Monica Lynn Duke]

10:28 PM on 04/11/2012

Amen!

[mspat44417]

06:59 PM on 04/06/2012

Was this suppose to be funny...

[bootybumper]

03:13 PM on 04/07/2012

the correct term/spelling is 'supposed'...geez people are getting out of school these days with no education whatsoever. sad.

[mspat44417]

08:31 PM on 04/07/2012

no supposed is past tense ....I was speaking in the present which is suppose .... .

[weedo11]

06:36 PM on 04/06/2012

Parents are not parents today they are keepers. Becuse they never remember the past. As the old saying goes( Those who tend to forget the past will always repeat it)

[bootybumper]

03:15 PM on 04/07/2012

Yes, pleeeeez remember the past - remember the nice old ways of trying to be kind, polite, nice, compassionate - the golden rule, etc. Just good common sense. This brave, new world of rudeness, sarcasm, and just plain ugliness is sad.

[kmhjbh]

05:30 PM on 04/06/2012

I love it! I wish more people would pay attention to it! Especially those who give unwanted advice, try to make everyone else follow their rules, and believe that they have the answers to every problem.

[jhrooney]

04:07 PM on 04/06/2012

I'll give you three simple rules for raising kids.
1. Family comes FIRST
2. School comes SECOND.
3 Everything else come after that.

[85Percent]

01:17 AM on 04/06/2012

I am thankful that I had my kids in a simpler era, and when I was young and strong enough to take it. I don't know how moms today do it.

[Jerilyn Nighy]

04:23 PM on 04/05/2012

Yay! for overpopulating the Earth. Kidding, but cue the supercilious comments by those who feel that no one has the right to be criticall of parents or have a dissenting opinion on this thread.

[bluespagan]

10:03 AM on 04/05/2012

I am the mom of a 10 month old little girl and all I can say is these rules are golden! Any time my little one gets fussy and we are out to eat or just out and about, I apologize to those around me who may be annoyed with her whining, many times I get compassion and pats on the back since many understand but appreciate my trying to quiet the little one.

How a person raises their child is none of my business is another good one. Breastfeeding vs formula, circ vs non-circ and Cry it out vs co-sleeping is a never ending cycle of arguements. The way I see it, if it isn't detrimental to the life or health of the child then it is a non issue.

[Gonzo36]

09:59 AM on 04/05/2012

I am the oldest of four, and my mother often flew alone (without my father) with us. We were well behaved kids, but schlepping four kids onto a plane was a pain. My mother always tells us a story about how one time a man in a suit stepped up as we were boarding, asked my grateful mom if he could help, picked up the baby and two carry-on bags and led the way down the ramp. He settled us into our seats, and then disappeared into his own seat. It was a very kind gesture that my mom never forgot.

[bootybumper]

03:17 PM on 04/07/2012

See, that was a truly kind person - what a nice man. That is the kind of human beings we SHOULD be trying to raise - not flippant, uncaring, rude, cursing kids like 'scary mommy' espouses.

[klew]

09:53 AM on 04/05/2012

haha, great list! i'll be bookmarking this one ; )

[bellenwhistles]

02:45 AM on 04/05/2012

regarding circumcision: Violence against a Child is Not a Private Matter.
… this TRUTH is not a matter for discussion.

[FWJames123]

10:33 AM on 04/06/2012

Someone missed the gist of the article....

[Julie Chris]

10:43 AM on 04/09/2012

The gist of the article is to not judge others...but when the line has been crossed between not judging harmless inconsistencies between parents and not standing up against violence against children...you need to be willing to stand up for all kids, not just your own.

[bootybumper]

03:12 PM on 04/07/2012

AMEN. In fact, the entire book & site "scary mommy" is just a sad sign of the times we're in, unfortunately. Nice to know some kind, compassionate people still exist.