THE NORTH POLE - Kristopher Kringle, better known as "Kris" to friends, or by the name of his beloved character, "Santa Claus," died late last night at his home in North Pole, the North Pole. He was believed to be somewhere over 1000 years old. Cause of death is being...

"Mr. Alexander, 19, needed help to break an addiction that he called as destructive as alcohol or drugs. He found it in Fall City, where what claims to be the first residential treatment center for Internet addiction in the United States just opened its doors...for $14,000 it offers a...

Your easy-to-follow recipe for the perfect Thanksgiving celebration:

Ingredients:

• 3 couples + host couple, childless variety. (For best effect, everyone should be old friends, barring whichever bitchy, shallow girl Jim is dating at the moment - honestly, why does he keep going after twenty-year olds with the personality...

"Michelin has gone to extraordinary lengths to maintain the anonymity of it inspectors. Many of the company's top executives have never met an inspector; inspectors themselves are advised not to disclose their line of work, even to their parents." -The New Yorker

Arrived home from my "business...

"Researchers at Eindhoven University of Technology in the Netherlands are using iCat, a robotic cat made by Philips, to advise on energy use...The Dutch group using the iCat have shown that flashing subliminal messages can guide people to correctly rank the energy use of appliances: a kind...

Perhaps it had something to do with Halloween, a weekend-long witching hour descending upon my apartment; or maybe karma, or Jesus, or whoever you think hands out punishments, was finally catching up to me for that incident with the mayonnaise; or possibly, when the Comcast van showed up at the...

People will live-blog anything these days. Political debates, every reality show ever, their baby's bowel movements. At first I thought following someone's reactions to an event in real-time would heighten the experience...then I saw it for what it really is: an effort to make yourself feel as though your TV...

Spurred by a recent debacle on Australian television program "Hey Hey It's Saturday," black-face people worldwide are stepping forward and demanding they be treated with the respect and equality they deserve.

On that program, the host was forced to apologize to guest judge Harry Connick Junior for the inclusion...

"British couples who travel abroad for IVF treatment and buy other women's eggs are engaging in a form of prostitution, a fertility conference was told yesterday." - The (London) Times

Ladies, gather round. I wanna talk to you all about how you been doin' lately, and about what's comin'...

There are some things that you can live without, things like food, or oxygen, or love, but other things are more fundamental, truly necessary. One of those things is revenge. When indulging, bear in mind these long-standing maxims:

Revenge is a dish best served cold: The revenge literature would have...

"A lot of people think they might get a little bit burned and that's that. However, lying in the sun unprotected is like someone smoking 80 cigarettes a day - it carries big risks." - The Daily Mail

Scientists warn that many other fairly common activities are likewise significantly worse...

Hey, kids, get excited, because it's your favorite time of year again, back-to-school time! What's that? It's not your favorite time? I'm pretty sure what you meant to say is "I can't wait to get back to making the grown-ups' lives just a tiny bit less full of reasons to...

"A panel of federal judges ordered the California prison system on Tuesday to reduce its inmate population of 150,000 by 40,000 -- roughly 27 percent -- within two years" - The New York Times

Please distribute the following questionnaire to all inmates on your row. Make sure...

"On 'Hank,' Wall Street big shot Hank Pryor (Kelsey Grammer) loses his job...his maids, his yacht, his sub-zero fridge and his king-size bed, along with his blissful ignorance about the basic tasks of human existence. 'These are the kinds of things you can deal with in comedy. A sitcom about...

"No scars, no history of serious illness in the last three generations of your family, and no tooth cavities. These are amongst the 100 health requirements for would-be astronauts vying to be part of China's next space team, the Yangtse Evening Paper reported on Saturday. The selection process, which the...

"Feuding stars Eminem [and] Mariah Carey [are] 'Obsessed' with each other...Long after the stars may or may not have had a brief romantic entanglement, they have been sniping at each other in song. In the latest development, Eminem on Thursday released a new track 'The Warning,' in which he goes...

"They said rhesus monkeys on a strict, reduced-calorie diet were three times less likely to die from age-related diseases like heart disease, cancer and diabetes over the study period than monkeys that ate as they liked. [...] Most caloric restriction studies have found that a lifetime of deprivation is needed...

"The recession has taken a toll on office products retailers such as Staples...as businesses big and small cut buying supplies to contain costs in the recession." -Reuters

To our employees,

As you know, we've had to make some cutbacks in the last few months in order to...

"Jackie Kennedy had a four-year love affair with Bobby Kennedy that began not long after JFK's assassination...an explosive new book claims. [...socialite Mary] Harrington recalled 'I was shocked. It was clear that Bobby was sleeping with his sister-in-law.'" -The New York Post

Everyone's always thought of JFK's presidency...

"The Central Intelligence Agency withheld information about a secret counterterrorism program from Congress for eight years on direct orders from former Vice President Dick Cheney." - The New York Times

Lately, there are two types of Dick Cheney news: the "criticizing previously thought-to-be unobjectionable Democratic goals and/or...